Hello, fellow writers! Let me yeet some writing at you and beg for criticism! :D
Note: It's kind of an autobiographical/memoir-like thing with a bit of a twist, so realistic fiction I guess. Also, TW for slight mania and depressing/suicidal thoughts? ^-^" (sorry~)
There is nothing. Nothing to love, nothing to hate, there's just nothing at all. Every day for me, there is nothing. I can't take this, I can't, I can't. Go to school. Come home. Take care of Seto and Ash. Eat dinner. Sleep. Wake up. Eat breakfast. Go to school. Come home. Do it all over again. Not a single change, unless you count the daily changes of school, which hardly count as changes.
"Fynn," Jasper says cautiously, rising from his chair as I throw my backpack onto the sofa. It's childish of me. But the anger I feel, the anger I have kept up inside me all morning, is rising. It would be so, so easy. To just snap Jasper's neck, take the pain out on him. He hasn't done a thing, of course, but it would take this anger away. It would.
"Fynn, is something wrong?" Jasper takes a step closer and brushes the hair out of my eyes with gentle care.
"Don't touch me," I snap, turning away. It's wrong to snap at him. But it lessens the anger a bit. The paper in my hand crumples inside my fist.
"What's that, Fynni?" Jasper takes my hand, and I let him uncurl it. Take the paper. Un-crumple it. Read it. His eyes flick over the words, then back to me. He sighs. A long sigh through his nose, that I can hardly stand to hear coming from him. "Fynni, we've been over this. Seto and I have been over this. Your grades can't be like this. I know you miss Sydney, I know it's different and hard for you here, and I know your school doesn't make it any easier. But it's been a year. I expect better from you."
He sounds like a stereotypical concerned father, and that makes my blood boil. He isn't that. He isn't even related to me. Isn't even a father figure. He's just Seto's caretaker. Boyfriend. And that's all he will ever be. I suppress a snap, just letting the anger rise more. Rise, rise, rise. I could hurt him and take out all my pain. I could do it, I really could, but would it be worth it? I could hurt him.
And yet he's still going on about my grades. Then, abruptly, he stops and takes one step away. "Take your meds, go to sleep." It's only four. Four, and he's telling me to sleep. Is he trying to anger me? He must be. He must be trying to hurt me, anger me, bring out the side of me I hide away. The side of me that scares even myself.
"Stop." The word is choked. My throat aches. It's not dry, nor is it sore. It constricts like a boa constrictor squeezing the last breaths out of its prey. Prey. Am I prey? Being hunted by Jasper, my grades, my past? Or am I a predator? Mentally raging at Jasper, hurting others to take out my own pain? Either way, a predator is better off dead, and prey always dies in the end. Am I better of dead? I must be. I must be, to be so disgusting and horrifying to Jasper that he would take a step away from me, that he would tell me to sleep early. No, he must not tell anyone of my slipping grades. Least of all Aoki and Artemis. Yes, and he must die.
Aaack that was hecka short but ehhh so lmk what everyone thinks y'all~
Also no, I am not a murderer ^-^ |
