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Larkian
Level 75
The Tactician
Joined: 5/15/2018
Threads: 104
Posts: 16,971
Posted: 11/25/2019 at 12:39 PM
Post #11
Ohhh that one! I tried the movie one and it came out like this:
Purple Squirrel
A Screenplay by Yeet Yote
EXT. FANTASIA - AFTERNOON
Ugly bartender BOB ROBOSS ROSS is arguing with smelly carpenter PEEP SOL IUM. ROBOSS tries to hug SOL but he shakes her off.
ROBOSS
Please Sol, don't leave me.
SOL
I'm sorry Roboss, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces her fears head on, instead of running away.
ROBOSS
I am such a person!
SOL frowns.
SOL
I'm sorry, Roboss. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
SOL leaves.
ROBOSS sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, itchy waitress ROB BOBROSS BOSS barges in looking flustered.
ROBOSS
Goodness, Bobross! Is everything okay?
BOBROSS
I'm afraid not.
ROBOSS
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
BOBROSS
It's ... a squirrel ... I saw an evil squirrel annoy a bunch of lemons!
ROBOSS
Defenseless lemons?
BOBROSS
Yes, defenseless lemons!
ROBOSS
Bloomin' heck, Bobross! We've got to do something.
BOBROSS
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
ROBOSS
You can start by telling me where this happened.
BOBROSS
I was...
BOBROSS fans himself and begins to wheeze.
ROBOSS
Focus Bobross, focus! Where did it happen?
BOBROSS
For! That's right - For!
ROBOSS springs up and begins to run.
EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
ROBOSS rushes along the street, followed by BOBROSS. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
INT. FOR - SHORTLY AFTER
IUM PEEP a purple squirrel terrorises two lemons.
ROBOSS, closely followed by BOBROSS, rushes towards IUM, but suddenly stops in her tracks.
BOBROSS
What is is? What's the matter?
ROBOSS
That's not just any old squirrel, that's Ium Peep!
BOBROSS
Who's Ium Peep?
ROBOSS
Who's Ium Peep? Who's Ium Peep? Only the most purple squirrel in the universe!
BOBROSS
Blinkin' knickers, Roboss! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most purple squirrel in the universe!
ROBOSS
You can say that again.
BOBROSS
Blinkin' knickers, Roboss! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most purple squirrel in the universe!
ROBOSS
I'm going to need music stand, lots of music stand.
Ium turns and sees Roboss and Bobross. She grins an evil grin.
IUM
Roboss Ross, we meet again.
BOBROSS
You've met?
ROBOSS
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young ROBOSS is sitting in a park listening to some death metal music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over her.
She looks up and sees IUM. She takes off her headphones.
IUM
Would you like some asparagus?
ROBOSS's eyes light up, but then he studies IUM more closely, and looks uneasy.
ROBOSS
I don't know, you look kind of purple.
IUM
Me? No. I'm not purple. I'm the least purple squirrel in the world.
ROBOSS
Wait, you're a squirrel?
ROBOSS runs away, screaming.
INT. FOR - PRESENT DAY
IUM
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
BOBROSS
(To ROBOSS) You ran away?
ROBOSS
(To BOBROSS) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
ROBOSS turns to IUM.
ROBOSS
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
ROBOSS runs away.
She turns back and shouts.
ROBOSS
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with music stand.
IUM
I'm not scared of you.
ROBOSS
You should be.
EXT. STRINGS - LATER THAT DAY
ROBOSS and BOBROSS walk around searching for something.
ROBOSS
I feel sure I left my music stand somewhere around here.
BOBROSS
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly music stand.
ROBOSS
You know nothing Bobross Boss.
BOBROSS
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
Suddenly, IUM appears, holding a pair of music stand.
IUM
Looking for something?
BOBROSS
Crikey, Roboss, she's got your music stand.
ROBOSS
Tell me something I don't already know!
BOBROSS
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
ROBOSS
I know that already!
BOBROSS
I pee in the sink.
IUM
(appalled) Dude!
While IUM is looking at BOBROSS with disgust, ROBOSS lunges forward and grabs her deadly music stand. He wields them, triumphantly.
ROBOSS
Prepare to die, you purple cucumber!
IUM
No please! All I did was annoy a bunch of lemons!
SOL enters, unseen by any of the others.
ROBOSS
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those lemons were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Roboss Ross defender of innocent lemons.
IUM
Don't hurt me! Please!
ROBOSS
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these music stand on you right away!
IUM
Because Roboss, I am your mother.
ROBOSS looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects herself.
ROBOSS
No you're not!
IUM
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
IUM tries to grab the music stand but ROBOSS dodges out of the way.
ROBOSS
Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?
Unexpectedly, IUM slumps to the ground.
BOBROSS
Did she just faint?
ROBOSS
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly music stand.
ROBOSS crouches over IUM's body.
BOBROSS
Be careful, Roboss. It could be a trick.
ROBOSS
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Ium Peep is dead!
ROBOSS
What?
ROBOSS
Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.
BOBROSS claps his hands.
BOBROSS
So your music stand did save the day, after all.
SOL steps forward.
SOL
Is it true? Did you kill the purple squirrel?
ROBOSS
Sol how long have you been...?
SOL puts his arm around ROBOSS.
SOL
Long enough.
ROBOSS
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Ium Peep.
SOL
Then the lemons are safe?
ROBOSS
It does seem that way!
A crowd of vulnerable lemons enter, looking relived.
SOL
You are their hero.
The lemons bow to ROBOSS.
ROBOSS
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Ium Peep will never annoy lemons ever again, is enough for me.
SOL
You are humble as well as brave!
One of the lemons passes ROBOSS a magical candy wrapper
SOL
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
ROBOSS
I couldn't possibly.
Pause.
ROBOSS
Well, if you insist.
ROBOSS takes the candy wrapper.
ROBOSS
Thank you.
The lemons bow their heads once more, and leave.
ROBOSS turns to SOL.
ROBOSS
Does this mean you want me back?
SOL
Oh, Roboss, of course I want you back!
ROBOSS smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
ROBOSS
Well you can't have me.
SOL
WHAT?
ROBOSS
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a squirrel to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
SOL
But...
ROBOSS
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Bobross.
BOBROSS grins.
SOL
But...
BOBROSS
You heard the lady. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
SOL
Roboss?
ROBOSS
I'm sorry Sol, but I think you should skidaddle.
SOL leaves.
BOBROSS turns to ROBOSS.
BOBROSS
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
ROBOSS
Of course you are!
The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly BOBROSS stops.
BOBROSS
When I said I pee in the sink, you know I was just trying to distract the squirrel don't you?
THE END
By the way, I named the places Fantasia, For, and Strings. Fantasia for Strings is a song xD Also for some reason music stand wasn't plural. I entered it as a weapon cause the other day I was talking about how stands would make great weapons.
MistressNyx
Level 75
The Eggstraordinaire
Joined: 1/19/2018
Threads: 121
Posts: 2,487
Posted: 11/25/2019 at 12:44 PM
Post #12
Music stands are good weapons. So are bari saxophones and trombones... our bari player got his finger stuck in a hole once. And then there's the time this alto who was only like 4 foot 10 kicked the other alto, who was like six feet tall, in the face. Let it never be said that band is not dangerous. Anything like that in orchestra?
MistressNyx
Level 75
The Eggstraordinaire
Joined: 1/19/2018
Threads: 121
Posts: 2,487
Posted: 11/25/2019 at 12:52 PM
Post #13
Nadine Thornhill and the Five Fierce Owls
A Fairy Tale
by Nyx
Once upon a time there was a cunning girl called Nadine Thornhill. She was on the way to see her Jeff Cox, when she decided to take a short cut through The Amazon Rainforest.
It wasn't long before Nadine got lost. She looked around, but all she could see were trees. Nervously, she felt into her bag for her favourite toy, Spike, but Spike was nowhere to be found! Nadine began to panic. She felt sure she had packed Spike. To make matters worse, she was starting to feel hungry.
Unexpectedly, she saw a fierce owl dressed in a purple skirt disappearing into the trees.
"How odd!" thought Nadine.
For the want of anything better to do, she decided to follow the peculiarly dressed owl. Perhaps it could tell him the way out of the forest.
Eventually, Nadine reached a clearing. She found herself surrounded by houses made from different sorts of food. There was a house made from cabbages, a house made from sweets, a house made from fruit gums, a house made from fruit gums, a house made from chips and a house made from sweets.
Nadine could feel her tummy rumbling. Looking at the houses did nothing to ease her hunger.
"Hello!" she called. "Is anybody there?"
Nobody replied.
Nadine looked at the roof on the closest house and wondered if it would be rude to eat somebody else's chimney. Obviously it would be impolite to eat a whole house, but perhaps it would be considered acceptable to nibble the odd fixture or lick the odd fitting, in a time of need.
A cackle broke through the air, giving Nadine a fright. A witch jumped into the space in front of the houses. She was carrying a cage. In that cage was Spike!
"Spike!" shouted Nadine. She turned to the witch. "That's my toy!"
The witch just shrugged.
"Give Spike back!" cried Nadine.
"Not on your nelly!" said the witch.
"At least let Spike out of that cage!"
Before she could reply, five fierce owls rushed in from a footpath on the other side of the clearing. Nadine recognised the one in the purple skirt that she'd seen earlier. The witch seemed to recognise him too.
"Hello Big Owl," said the witch.
"Good morning." The owl noticed Spike. "Who is this?"
"That's Spike," explained the witch.
"Ooh! Spike would look lovely in my house. Give it to me!" demanded the owl.
The witch shook her head. "Spike is staying with me."
"Um... Excuse me..." Nadine interrupted. "Spike lives with me! And not in a cage!"
Big Owl ignored her. "Is there nothing you'll trade?" he asked the witch.
The witch thought for a moment, then said, "I do like to be entertained. I'll release him to anybody who can eat a whole front door."
Big Owl looked at the house made from sweets and said, "No problem, I could eat an entire house made from sweets if I wanted to."
"That's nothing," said the next owl. "I could eat two houses."
"There's no need to show off," said the witch. Just eat one front door and I'll let you have Spike."
Nadine watched, feeling very worried. She didn't want the witch to give Spike to Big Owl. She didn't think Spike would like living with a fierce owl, away from her house and all her other toys.
The other four owls watched while Big Owl put on his bib and withdrew a knife and fork from his pocket.
"I'll eat this whole house," said Big Owl. "Just you watch!"
Big Owl pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from sweets. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.
And more.
And more.
Eventually, Big Owl started to get bigger - just a little bit bigger at first. But after a few more fork-fulls of sweets, he grew to the size of a large snowball - and he was every bit as round.
"Erm... I don't feel too good," said Big Owl.
Suddenly, he started to roll. He'd grown so round that he could no longer balance!
"Help!" he cried, as he rolled off down a slope into the forest.
Big Owl never finished eating the front door made from sweets and Spike remained trapped in the witch's cage.
Average Owl stepped up, and approached the house made from fruit gums.
"I'll eat this whole house," said Average Owl. "Just you watch!"
Average Owl pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from fruit gums. She gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.
And more.
And more.
After a while, Average Owl started to look a little queasy. She grew greener...
...and greener.
A woodcutter walked into the clearing. "What's this bush doing here?" he asked.
"I'm not a bush, I'm an owl!" said Average Owl.
"It talks!" exclaimed the woodcutter. "Those talking bushes are the worst kind. I'd better take it away before somebody gets hurt."
"No! Wait!" cried Average Owl, as the woodcutter picked her up. But the woodcutter ignored her cries and carried the owl away under his arm.
Average Owl never finished eating the front door made from fruit gums and Spike remained trapped in the witch's cage.
Little Owl stepped up, and approached the house made from fruit gums.
"I'll eat this whole house," said Little Owl. "Just you watch!"
Little Owl pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from fruit gums. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.
And more.
And more.
After five or six platefuls, Little Owl started to fidget uncomfortably on the spot.
He stopped eating fruit gums for a moment, then grabbed another forkful.
But before he could eat it, there came an almighty roar. A bottom burp louder than a rocket taking off, propelled Little Owl into the sky.
"Aggghhhhhh!" cried Little Owl. "I'm scared of heigh..."
Little Owl was never seen again.
Little Owl never finished eating the front door made from fruit gums and Spike remained trapped in the witch's cage.
Tiny Owl stepped up, and approached the house made from chips.
"I'll eat this whole house," said Tiny Owl. "Just you watch!"
Tiny Owl pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from chips. She gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.
And more.
And more.
However, on the next mouthful, the food fell straight out of Tiny Owl's mouth. She tried to stuff in another forkful of chips, but once again, the food fell out. There just wasn't enough room left in her belly.
"This is just not fair!" declared Tiny Owl, and stomped off into the forest.
Tiny Owl never finished eating the front door made from chips and Spike remained trapped in the witch's cage.
Even-Tinier Owl stepped up, and approached the house made from sweets.
"I'll eat this whole house," said Even-Tinier Owl. "Just you watch!"
Even-Tinier Owl pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from sweets. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.
And more.
And more.
Suddenly, Even-Tinier Owl stopped eating and started dancing. While he danced, he sang at the top of his lungs, "Sweets! Watch me eat all the sweets!"
"It looks as though the sweets are making you hyperactive," laughed the witch.
"Oh no they're not!" cried Even-Tinier Owl. "I'm always this excited." With that, he walked into a tree.
Bong!
Even-Tinier Owl banged his head and fell backwards onto his bottom. He passed out, exhausted.
Even-Tinier Owl never finished eating the front door made from sweets and Spike remained trapped in the witch's cage.
"That's it," said the witch. "I win. I get to keep Spike."
"Not so fast," said Nadine. "There is still one front door to go. The front door of the house made from cabbages. And I haven't had a turn yet.
"I don't have to give you a turn!" laughed the witch. "My game. My rules."
The woodcutter's voice carried through the forest. "I think you should give her a chance. It's only fair."
"Fine," said the witch. "But you saw what happened to the owls. She won't last long."
"I'll be right back," said Nadine.
"What?" said the witch. "Where's your sense of impatience? I thought you wanted Spike back."
Nadine ignored the witch and gathered a hefty pile of sticks. She came back to the clearing and started a small camp fire. Carefully, she broke off a piece of the door of the house made from cabbages and toasted it over the fire. Once it had cooked and cooled just a little, she took a bite. She quickly devoured the whole piece.
Nadine sat down on a nearby log.
"You fail!" cackled the witch. "You were supposed to eat the whole door."
"I haven't finished," explained Nadine. "I am just waiting for my food to go down."
When Nadine's food had digested, she broke off another piece of the door made from cabbages. Once more, she toasted her food over the fire and waited for it to cool just a little. She ate it at a leisurely pace
then waited for it to digest.
Eventually, after several sittings, Nadine was down to the final piece of the door made from cabbages.
Carefully, she toasted it and allowed it to cool just a little. She finished her final course. Nadine had eaten the entire front door of the house made from cabbages.
The witch stamped her foot angrily. "You must have tricked me!" she said. "I don't reward cheating!"
"I don't think so!" said a voice. It was the woodcutter. He walked back into the clearing, carrying his axe.
"This little girl won fair and square. Now hand over Spike or I will chop your broomstick in half."
The witch looked horrified. She grabbed her broomstick and placed it behind her. Then, huffing, she opened the door of the cage.
Nadine hurried over and grabbed Spike, checking that her favourite toy was all right. Fortunately, Spike was unharmed.
Nadine thanked the woodcutter, grabbed a quick souvenir, and hurried on to meet Jeff. It was starting to get dark.
When Nadine got to Jeff's house, her threw his arms around her.
"I was so worried!" cried Jeff. "You are very late."
As Nadine described her day, she could tell that Jeff didn't believe her. So she grabbed a napkin from her pocket.
"What's that?" asked Jeff.
Nadine unwrapped a doorknob made from sweets. "Pudding!" she said.
Jeff almost fell off his chair.
The End
Larkian
Level 75
The Tactician
Joined: 5/15/2018
Threads: 104
Posts: 16,971
Posted: 11/25/2019 at 12:58 PM
Post #14
Well, you guys have metal instruments. We like to joke that our instruments can be used as one-use wooden sledgehammers. Also, bows are awesome for stabbing and our cases are perfect for shoving people out of the way in the hallways or hitting people in the gut.
Don't mess around with the music students.
MistressNyx
Level 75
The Eggstraordinaire
Joined: 1/19/2018
Threads: 121
Posts: 2,487
Posted: 11/25/2019 at 12:59 PM
Post #15
Ah yes, cases make it so easy to clear a path through the packed hallways after school as you try to escape for the buses.
Larkian
Level 75
The Tactician
Joined: 5/15/2018
Threads: 104
Posts: 16,971
Posted: 11/25/2019 at 1:10 PM
Post #16
Well, that actually sorta made sense, unlike this:
The Hail that Pounded like Pooping Starfish
A Short Story
by Peep Sole
Bob Ross looked at the fat toilet in her hands and felt miserable.
She walked over to the window and reflected on her orange surroundings. She had always loved smelly Yeetus with its thirsty, tasteless trash cans. It was a place that encouraged her tendency to feel miserable.
Then she saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Rob Boss. Rob was a bad pickle with hairy butt and bony armpit.
Bob gulped. She glanced at her own reflection. She was a nice, evil, pee drinker with fat butt and ugly armpit. Her friends saw her as a strange, smoggy sea cucumber. Once, she had even brought a colossal Godzilla back from the brink of death.
But not even a nice person who had once brought a colossal Godzilla back from the brink of death, was prepared for what Rob had in store today.
The hail pounded like pooping starfish, making Bob irked.
As Bob stepped outside and Rob came closer, she could see the mighty glint in his eye.
"I am here because I want food," Rob bellowed, in a funny tone. He slammed his fist against Bob's chest, with the force of 9256 squirrels. "I frigging hate you, Bob Ross."
Bob looked back, even more irked and still fingering the fat toilet. "Rob, you're ugly," she replied.
They looked at each other with elated feelings, like two different, decaying dung beetles farting at a very wild wedding, which had death metal! music playing in the background and two greedy uncles eating to the beat.
Suddenly, Rob lunged forward and tried to punch Bob in the face. Quickly, Bob grabbed the fat toilet and brought it down on Rob's skull.
Rob's hairy butt trembled and his bony armpit wobbled. He looked hangry, his body raw like a lazy, lonely lemon.
Then he let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Rob Boss was dead.
Bob Ross went back inside and made herself a nice drink of pee.
THE END
Yup, just hold it out in front of you and push people aside.
MistressNyx
Level 75
The Eggstraordinaire
Joined: 1/19/2018
Threads: 121
Posts: 2,487
Posted: 11/25/2019 at 1:13 PM
Post #17
And that, children, is why you don't start drinking pee in the first place.
Larkian
Level 75
The Tactician
Joined: 5/15/2018
Threads: 104
Posts: 16,971
Posted: 11/25/2019 at 1:23 PM
Post #18
Yes, I'm very immature xD
Orcastration
Level 73
Fishy
Joined: 11/1/2018
Threads: 316
Posts: 33,415
Posted: 11/25/2019 at 1:27 PM
Post #19
Oye Phoen next time you start planning murder plots at least ping the rest of us! ><><
Anyway
Of course youve all met NIcote, the boyo of darkness, but...
*pushes Meinke to the front* Meet the Deathboy, Meinke. His power? Making almost anything he touches turn into ash. Including his hands and other poeple.
Gloves do not help-HEY COME BACK HERE I"M NOT DONE! (*races after a fleeing Meinke Kilplolar and instead flops into a giant shadowshield*) Ow. Remind me why i created two OCs with a hate-alliance relationship again?
Edited By Orcastration on 11/25/2019 at 1:27 PM.
Larkian
Level 75
The Tactician
Joined: 5/15/2018
Threads: 104
Posts: 16,971
Posted: 11/25/2019 at 1:28 PM
Post #20
*shrugs* We weren't really planning.
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