I'm sorry your feeling The Big Sad :')

Just remember that no matter how bad things are, there will be better moments, and in the end all you have it yourself. So better yourself and figure out what you want to do with yourself. It'll make you happier.

That might sound selfish, but sometimes you have to be. Sometimes it's good to look around and see things how they really are, how you might never think of them.

I support you!


(I also wish you luck with your relationship, I don't know if its your first or your fifth, but I know they can be wonderful things, even when they're gone. I still feel the pain of my first, but its dull now, and I'm actually thankful she broke my heart now, because I can look back on it, and then move on.)

It's okay :3 I know happier times are ahead, and they'll feel even better than before, all i gotta do is get there first

I want to make people smile, but it's hard sometimes cuz I can't relate to people on an emotional level :T I do my best though, and sometimes I even succeed ^w^

Knowing good people like you exist helps me feel a bit better uwu Like, the world's in good hands and humanity's not gonna die off

(It is my first ^w^ i didn't date until I was 16, and my partner was my best friend, who had recently gone to homeschool instead of public, but we still get together when we can and have fun. They're a romantic, though, unlike myself u-u I've been trying to get better for them, but I'm still at a loss when it comes to that stuff. I'm glad to hear it doesn't have to hurt forever, in case it does go wrong ;w;)

Nonono you don't understand. I am awful at video games! The hardest I play is Minecraft survival on normal mode and I only play on that world with a friend because I always get killed >.<
They have like two xboxes and those are just where they play whatever xbox games they play. They have their laptops and computers inside their rooms.
We got 10 chicks this year and they're in their ugly phase right now because all their feathers are coming in but four of them are silkies! I love silkies! They're so soft and fluffy and look like little clouds running at you; well the white ones do.. I suppose the black ones would be like storm clouds coming towards you

I'd love to hear about the science behind it ^-^
It was scary because I went forwards so it was like reverse bucking? I don't even know how to describe it. I would have stayed on if I had been prepared for it but I wasn't. My mom said I went over super slow but it felt like I was on my back in half a second. Ah well, you got a little scratch too; he was just looking out for ya!
Yeah, I remember being really sad about it but I had only been riding her for a few months and we didn't really have a connection; doesn't lessen the weight of her death though.

I mean I don't really know what you want to learn about so I can give you a quick little lesson? Don't follow fad diets, most of the time they leave you with malnutrition and can lead to even more weight gain after you stop them. Not to mention they can have other really damaging side effects. Obviously eating high protein diets can be good for you and it can help promote weight loss but in the long run if you aren't eating a balanced meal you are going to end up with some sort of problem.
We have chocolate protein powder in our pantry, I've never seen anyone use it so I think I might make like a protein shake with our almond milk tomorrow morning. Maybe. I get what you mean though, my dad has been asking me if I've tried nice cream before, which is basically just healthy ice cream, and I haven't because it sounds gross to me.
Haha yeah, I turned it in like 30 minutes after it was assigned and my teacher commented on my efficiency. I didn't want to tell him I just have really odd research habits so I said thanks and clicked out of the tab

I found a lot of artists I used to love from nightcore, I ended up then turning to lo-fi music and now I mainly listen to slower, sad songs because they help me focus. I also really love subliminals because the music helps me do my work ^-^

Do your teachers not assign any homework 0.0 I have to keep lists in my journal so I can stay organized. Right now I have 6 or so assignments and most of them take me an hour to complete because I get side tracked >.<


Sorry I didn't respond very quickly! I was trying to reach my step goal for the day and then I ate dinner

I know the feeling xD I'm horrible at pep-talks, or relating to people, I'm that person who tries to offer advice on how to fix the problem instead of comforting them.

I mean, I still miss her, but I've moved on, it hard to explain, but its kind of like-- reading a book. You know the person, and maybe every now and then you think of them, but you don't feel any emotional ties to them (atleast not anymore). It took me awhile though xD Two years to be exact, and right after she backstabbed me I swear I wanted to to ruin her life, then the next year I messaged her all teary on Valentines day, and this year I kind of looked at her contact then went on with my day.

Oh yoof
I'm terrible at minecraft because I can never stay focused and get curious... "what's in this cave? oh I'm dead now... huh. Ooh wait, is fall damage on? oh, I guess it is. Oops. Oh look, a village! Time to burn it! Wait, now I'm trapped--darn, not again." Fun times tho.
Ah, Xbox. Never had one, but they seem kinda neat. I'm a Nintendo person... got a Switch, a Wii (one that's compatible with gamecube games), a 3DS XL New, and a GameBoy Advance SP ^w^ I also have some PlayStations hidden somewhere, but I wanna save Hyrule before I dig them out. I'm pretty proud of my collection... they all work well enough and two of them were my dad's once. The 3DS touch screen is a bit wonky and I find the gamecube contoller kinda hard sometimes, plus my gameboy has hacks (? was hacked? i don't know) and the wii remotes lose battery really quickly, but that just means I need more skill to beat games.
Aww, I think I saw silkies somewhere once, they were so glorious and fluffy :D

Okay, here's science: Big horses would walk into fields, and automatically be respected. They were big and all the other animals were afraid of getting squashed. The aggressive big horses would kill each other and confront other animals, and those other animals, feeling threatened, would also kill them for survival. So the big horses got the aggressiveness bred out of them. Little horses would walk into a field and everyone would look and think, "dang, there's an easy breakfast". So if the little horses couldn't fight back, they'd get eaten. Only aggressive ones would survive, so gentleness was bred out of them. Not the most scientific way to describe it, but that's my understanding of it.
Oh dear 0-o Heh, I guess I did X3
Death is a sad thing u-u no matter who or what it is u-u (of course, this is coming from a pansy that cries at basically every death, just a story or not, so....)

I don't like blending in with the normies anyway, so avoiding fad diets shouldn't be a problem :3 I should probably balance myself more, tho... less sugar, more healthy stuff.
I tried a healthy ice cream once, and it was, by some sorcery, dry.

I like AJR... they sing about a lot of things I can relate to. Like, being scared of growing up despite the pressure of adult peers to make it big... or not being ready for change, even if you've been looking forward to it... or finally finding someone who sees things the way you do and realizing you're not crazy... or hating the way you turn out, and wishing you were better for someone you love. Things like that :3

No... I'm just lazy and don't do the work they've worked so hard to prepare in a short span of time ;-;

Yes! Exactly u-u

Good for you ^w^
I got to facetime the person I'm with last night, and they kept picking up their ukelele and playing little songs. I just wanted to talk to them again, but I know they like doing it so I let them, but in return they got to see me talk about video games and I showed them my flower boat. So I consider it fair. We seem to be doing better, at least :3 and they said they liked it when I got all confident playing games but different than that and that felt good uwu like in a 'hey, I'm not a freak' way

Hewo

'Tis me

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My cat has gone stir crazy. She has been 'quarantined' for most of her little cat life 'cause the landlord hates cats. We have been hiding in the house so she doesn't *slit throat sounds*

(geez some people here in the blue-grass state are ROUGH)

Anyway, I caught her trying to eat my hairbrush. What has gotten into you, Mischief?



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I have been very sad here lately. Not, like, cry sad. More of a quietly looking off into the distance, mom asks me what I'm thinking about and I say "nothing", sad. Overall, I'm tired both physically and emotionally. I haven't been getting much sleep, but even when I have energy I'm just tired. I'm so very tired.

Seems despair is a comfortable form of sadness.
I won't bog you down with what is bothering me. It's kinda my burden to bear.

So, uh, got anything that might cheer me up?

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On a happier note, I plan on coming out to my parents in the near future! Art is a big part of my life, and I plan on using it to explain to them what I identify as:




I'm doing a little animation, maybe with a voice-over (by me), that I think imma call "The Closet"

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You know that last detail of my username change that I wouldn't tell? I decided to heck with it. If ya don't like it oh well.

I shall place this here and let you fill in the gaps.

(plz no judge)

Above ^^

Oof



I just adopted a puppy

I was playing on my newest world with my friend and I walked into an abandoned village and noticed a pillager tower right next to it. I forgot it was in survival so I was screaming as I tried to run away form the pillagers and zombie villagers. I died...
I have an old tablet that dies in like 10 minutes and a DS that I haven't used in years. Other than that and an xbox I don't really have any other gaming consoles because I just don't play that often.
This is a sad story but we had a white one named Dumb Dumb because she just wasn't very smart; our other chickens are pretty normal, but she was like extremely dumb. Anyways she didn't show up for lock up one night and I just kinda shrugged it off because chickens do that, they like to roost in the woods sometimes, I don't blame them. It was a time where we had piles of snow but it was all melting so I was a bit worried but she was fluffy so I wasn't too concerned. She didn't show up the day after that so I went looking. Turns out the pile of snow by the side of our house was actually Dumb Dumb and some neighbor had let their dog out and it had killed her.

That makes sense, I've always liked bigger horses too because when I ride them I feel tall. Smaller horses also just scare me because they can stare me in the eye and push me over, I've had it happen before and it was muddy out too. Our neighbors' horse is pretty normal but he's sweet until food comes into the picture. I've had him slam me into the wall when I was taking care of their animals while they were away at their second home.
I mean some people die that kind of.. deserve it.. I wouldn't wish death on anyone but all I have to say is karma exists and it'll get you one day. (don't worry once I cried over a dream I had because some person, who didn't even have a face, died)

I've tried a few fad diets a year or two ago, just to see what it was like. Again, my curiosity about things like this is gonna hurt me one day but oh well, you only live once. They aren't usually as easy as the people make them out to be and cause more harm than good so yeah, avoid them. I told myself that last night and then ate some really sugary cereal this morning, it's okay to indulge sometimes though. I'mm trying not to eat too much sugar right now though because my birthday is coming up and I asked to go out for ice cream and for chocolate. When I tried it it was more like a smoothie and didn't taste very good; I think I added too much cocoa powder..

I went through and AJR phase, I think if I searched hard enough I could find a few of their songs in my old playlists. Artists like them really just connect with so many people and they sing about topics that many bigger artists avoid. I don't know, it's just really nice to have the change sometimes. If you translate some kpop lyrics they're also pretty deep. Obviously it isn't just about the words; the sound is a really important factor. Really talented musicians can turn anything into music though.

I felt that >.< I'm a straight A student and my only motivation was that if I did my work well and efficiently I would have time to just rest at the end of class. Now I have all the time in the world to rest so I don't see very much point in doing the work. All I've gotten done today was a math paper and I still have so much to do.

Here's a tiny story because I'm avoiding work and my friends like to make fun of me.
I misspell things quite often while texting simply because I type really fast and don't feel like correcting my mistakes. When I type on my computer the little red lines make it obvious so I correct myself. Last night I was saying goodnight and ended up saying something like "Noght mis amigos." and one of my friends just said "That's going on the list."
Naturally I had to know what list he was talking about. Apparently he had been making a list of all the typos I make while texting and putting them into a list; this was very funny to me last night because I hadn't thought my typos were that noticeable.
And he texted us, my other friend and I, saying he was in a zoom call so I told him to say hello from his fake girlfriend (me; it's an inside joke we have) and he said the teacher didn't appreciate it.
That was the moment I remembered teachers joined the zoom classes and sent him a voice message of me saying sorry while laughing