Hey, Dragon! It sounds like you were having a really rough time. How are you doing now? You know you can always write to me, right?
Dragonsrcool54
Level 56
The Perfectionist
Joined: 5/7/2018
Threads: 75
Posts: 65,384
Posted: 12/27/2018 at 12:05 AM
Post #53
Yeah, i know. ThAnks. I'm doing... well, better, because Christmas cheered me up, but worss, because it hasn't gone away yet. I'm worried. There's so much in school that overwhelms me, and I'm worried ill break down and do something ill regret. I...
I'm scared.
MistressNyx
Level 75
The Eggstraordinaire
Joined: 1/19/2018
Threads: 121
Posts: 2,487
Posted: 12/27/2018 at 12:36 AM
Post #54
Dragons. Change your New Year's resolution. Don't just try to live. Actually do. You will.
I'm not trying to be rude, or mean, or cruel when I say this. Death, suicide, it's the coward's way out of problems. And even if you don't care what happens to yourself, think of your friends, your family. Even your twin brother probably loves you beneath all the telling you how annoying you are, even if he never shows it in any way, because that is what family it. Think of how they would feel if you killed yourself. Don't do it.
You can always overcome your obstacles. A saying I like is, "For every locked door, there is a key." This means every problem has a solution, but killing yourself Is. Not. One. Of. Them. Don't. Dragons, I have depression too and I know how hard it is. But fight it, fight the darkness, fight the sorrow. There is light in your life, even if you don't see it now. Maybe it's the small things - a hug from your parents as you leave for school each day, getting an A on a test you worked hard for. Heck, even talking to your friends on Sylestia. These are things - the good, bright things - that make life worth living. Please find the light in your life, because it is there. Your life might seem bleak, and miserable, and not worth living, but it it. It is special, you are special. You're our friend. We're yours. Let us help you find something good.
Does your depression have any sort of trigger? Especially bad days, certian things? What makes it lessen? Try finding a spot that is special to you and fill it with things that hold certian meaning for you. I have s place like this (in the corner of my closet) that I go to to halp calm and distract myself. It might be able to help you.
We are here for you, now and always. If you ever need to talk, to me or anyone, you know you can always do so, right? I want you to promise me something, though, Dragons. Try to post an entry like you've been doing every day, so we know you're alive and doing ok. Promise?
Dragonsrcool54
Level 56
The Perfectionist
Joined: 5/7/2018
Threads: 75
Posts: 65,384
Posted: 12/27/2018 at 12:48 AM
Post #55
... gonna be completely honest.
You sound like my mom.
Anyway, thank you for keeping an eye on me. While I can't promise I will reply every day, i promise to try. And... well...
My grades aren't A. They are 3s and 4s, which are the equivalent of C. Ish. My depression triggers when im upset, insulted, hurt, or failing something. Which happens a lot. And I don't have a private space. I have my room, but we cant lock our doors, making it not very private from my siblings. My closet? Don't like the dark. And nowhere else works.
Sometimes, at night, I head into the bathroom with a Kindle and cry, alone, while doing this. Yeah. I'm doing just that.
I'm always feeling like a failure, because I can't get anything done on time or right or I can't do anything right. People stay away from me all the time. They only put up with me because I hand out mh desserts at lunch, and that I am a GREAT prankster and theif. It gets me hurt a lot.
And even if i can talk to people, and they get what I'm going through, it doesn't make me feel better. True, it makes me feel better not being alone in this, but talking doesn't fix my depression.
My failures.
My bad succession.
Me.
MistressNyx
Level 75
The Eggstraordinaire
Joined: 1/19/2018
Threads: 121
Posts: 2,487
Posted: 12/27/2018 at 12:54 AM
Post #56
Yeah, I've been told I act like an overprotective mom before... but never that I sond like someone's mom... don't worry about it.
You are not a failure. You are a beautiful, unique, wonderful human being, with your own flaws, shortcomings, and other imperfections. They are what make you YOU. You are perfect in your own way. Don't be ashamed of yourelf. You are not a failure. Do not say that. Never. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE.
Dragonsrcool54
Level 56
The Perfectionist
Joined: 5/7/2018
Threads: 75
Posts: 65,384
Posted: 12/27/2018 at 1:00 AM
Post #57
Are you sure? Are you positive that I'm not a failure after all the beatdowns from my brother, and i wont fight back. Are you positive after all the breAkdowns I have in school, that get me thrown out? Are you positve, that after all the pranks I pull, all the blood I wipe off my facd, just to be replaced with more, all the times I do NOTHING right and I cry alone at night because I can't do it with my family because my siblings dont give 2 S###s about me and they fight SO MUCH and I don't want them to, and when i try to stop them my sister annoys me and my brother punches me?!
ARE YOU SURE?!
MistressNyx
Level 75
The Eggstraordinaire
Joined: 1/19/2018
Threads: 121
Posts: 2,487
Posted: 12/27/2018 at 1:09 AM
Post #58
No matter what you think, no matter what anyone tells you, you are not a failure. I'm positive. And I won't change my mind. If they tell you that, they tell you you're a useless failure, are cruel and mean to you that way... don't believe them. Never. Don't give up on yourself. If things are like that at your house, do you have any friends who live near you that you trust who's house you could go do? Make a plan, or something like that. One of my RL friends is.... she's sweet, but blunt and painfully honest. Her advice to you would probably be something like, "You're awesome, beautiful, and wonderful just how you are. Suck it up and deal with it. And next time he bloody punches you, punch him back." Now I can't say for sure, but her advice usually seems pretty good.
You're not a failure. I'm sure.
Bluepearl13
Level 60
The Kind-Hearted
Joined: 8/21/2016
Threads: 131
Posts: 6,008
Posted: 12/27/2018 at 8:43 AM
Post #59
Hey there buddy! Life is hard, I understand. A few years back I was in a bad state. I would lock myself in the bathroom to cry and consider all the best ways to kill myself. I got past it though because I realized there were things, and more importantly, people worth living for. When you kill yourself, it hurts people. Your friends and your family will miss you. Even if they always arent great, at the end of the day, they love you. My brother used to be terrible. I used to wish he was dead, but then I almost lost him, and I realized how much I truly loved him. I lived for my brother, I lived for my dad, I lived for my aunt and my uncle, I lived for my friends and most importantly (since I am a religious person) I lived for God, who showed me what I had to live for. I still occasionally drop into a point of hopelessness and wish I could die, but I am constantly reminded I have people who I need to live for. Just remember no one is perfect. Im not perfect and I never will be. Dont measure your success by your grades, measure it by the joy you bring other people when you are around. Yes, I believe school is important and that we should try to get good grades, but that isnt what matters most.
Dragonsrcool54
Level 56
The Perfectionist
Joined: 5/7/2018
Threads: 75
Posts: 65,384
Posted: 12/27/2018 at 9:51 AM
Post #60
Hey. I wanted to apologize about last night. Thank you for telling me Im not a failure. I just.... I just dont feel like anything but a failure. Im sorry.
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