This is the incomplete version (it'll take me a while to finish)

"Let's go see the stars," said the bear to the bird. "and they'll sing us a tune that no one's ever heard."

In the Beginning

Everyone always speculated about the end of the world. They seemed to either fear it or love it. But most of them were proved wrong when it actually happened.
There were no zombies. No big explosions, none of that fancy stuff. The end of the world came so quickly, no one actually knew what happened. That's what made it so hard to oppose.
The end came through shadows. Millions poured into cities overnight, and blocked out the sky. Those infected cities were called the Ravaged. Going into one was like walking through a smoke barrier. People who breathed in that air quickly became disoriented and had a difficult time breathing. The air was being poisoned along with the sky.
Of course, in these times theories started popping up. How did these appear? Why? They were brushed off quickly. Just because one place was taken over, it wasn't nearly enough to make the whole world notice. They always needed more, until that was too much to handle.
When people finally started caring enough to do something, it was too late. The shadows spread quickly and quietly, until most countries had been infected. Those that didnt make it out in time died a quick death. Which was a better fate than that of the survivors of the first breakout.
I was from one of the first cities to be infected. It was just me and my mother. We quickly moved out to a city far away from that place. It was still too late.
The sickness caused by the shadows was called HAZE. Hemorrhage (not sure) Abscess Effusion. They described the symptoms that the infected people had. The symptoms that I would have never discovered, if it weren't for that shattered glass.
It seems that the people I loved were always the ones to keep the most secrets from me. I never knew about the sickness until it was already too late to do anything. Maybe mom had kept it from me because she knew I would try anything to help her. Maybe it was because she was already resigned to her fate.
Maybe it was better that way.

Day 21 A.R. (After Ravage)

I walk through the halls of our new house, and I can't sleep. It's too strange, almost surreal. I always liked reading those apocalyptic novels, but living one is different. It's frightening to see how willing people are to ignore the obvious. As long as the rest of the world is happy, that small percentage that's affected fades into the background.
I hate the thought of being invisible.
When I hear the sound of glass shattering on tiles, I walk to the source of the noise, in the kitchen. Moms back faces towards me, and the remnants of a vase lies beside her. I go to ask her what's wrong, but she won't answer. Finally, she turns around.
I scream-
The sky I woke up to was blood red, like the lifeblood that dribbled down her chin. Blood that stained the sink. Blood, blood, blood. It looked like a murder scene.
It was to me.
I kept having that dream, over and over like a tape that never ended. I always woke up before I saw her face, like my mind was protecting me from the memory. I know how it ends, though.
I found that for me, once I lost someone, instead of having them become more clear, their face blurred even while the pain got sharper and more agonizing. It hurt to let go. It hurt to let them go. But their faces and features, memories I had of them, shared with them - they slipped through my hands, reflective and beautiful like liquid silver.
Cold as the ground in which a body was buried. Cold as the days that came after, numbing emotions. Cold as acceptance.
I always thought I wanted warmth. Do I really?
Or do I need it?

Nice.... I like it. Here is the good stuff and the stuff that I would improve:

Good:

- Very descriptive

- Original

- Good perspective descriptions

- Vocabulary

- Phrases

(This is basically the whole thing summed up into shore bullets. Don't take it personally that the Improvements lost look's longer, the lower list is just longer since I am being nit-picky.)

Improvements: (These are all based on what you told me what you think a good book is)

- Suggestion: Describe what the emotions actually felt like. Hating something can feel different for everyone, so, to me at least, just saying hating something fails to make me feel anything. I would recommend maybe saying " I despised the thought of being invisible" instead of "I hate the thought of being invisible" since for most people, despising feels similar for everyone.

- "I walk through the halls of our new house, and I can't sleep. It's too strange, almost surreal. I always liked reading those apocalyptic novels, but living one is different. It's frightening to see how willing people are to ignore the obvious. As long as the rest of the world is happy, that small percentage that's affected fades into the background." maybe replace with this?: "I pace through the halls of our new house, and I can't sleep. It's too strange, almost surreal. I always enjoyed reading those apocalyptic novels, but living one is different. It's frightening to see how willing some people are to ignore the obvious. As long as the majority is happy, the outside world becomes oblivious to the horrors that the rest of us go through."

- Maybe you could add something that goes like: "My dreams were always fuzzy, but I could never forget the day that I lost the the last family member I ever had..." and go on to describe how the main character felt when she saw her mother dying, and how she felt when they buried her in the ground.

- Idea for possible plot: she loses her mother, and later has to find a long lost relative, who will help the main character find the cause of the disease. Maybe?



Otherwise, it is very good. Hope that none of this was offensive and that it helped. :)

Nah, I appreciate that you were willing to give such a thorough review :) I'll take what you said into consideration. Maybe I might make it through the contest XD

Good luck. :D

The competition will be tough XP this might be the only type of contest (and art) that I love competing in

I never compete in actual contests if I can help it. Sometimes it pays off, but sometimes, it backfires. :P I mean really, would you compete in contests if losing meant being ridiculed and winning meant being socially isolated? I've started to compete more though in real contests than I did a year ago. Might have something to do with the fact that the group of boys that I hang out with are smart, and support each other. :)

I like hearing about people having a support group to fall back on :) I hate competitions and performances because all of my parent's friends are like geniuses, and supremely talented. I always feel ridiculous when I'm in a competition/performance with them, like everyone's judging me. However, I try to avoid showing off, because I'm afraid people will develop negative opinions of me. In the end, I guess it's really because I guess the opinions of others reflect what i think of myself :)

In my experience, the more you show off, the more confident you look, the LESS negative things people start to think.

If you look too timid, than people will think that your going to lose, and they'll start to act mean and irritated and want you to drop out quickly, and if you win, people will think that you either cheated or that it was just luck, if you lose, people will think that you deserved it and should've been the first one out.

If you look confident and act confident, then, yes, people will act slightly mean during the competition, out of jealousy, but if you win, then people will think that you deserve it. And if you lose, then people will think that it was just bad luck that you lost, and they will support you either way.

As for the opinions of other reflecting one's own self-esteem, in today's society, that is true for most people. I also thought that my worth was in what other people thought of me as. After a while though, I stopped caring since I realized that the only things that most people had to say about me were negative, and that if I kept listening to them, it would only end up hurting me. However, that kind of thought stream almost never goes away for a long time.

For example, I quit caring and thinking that my worth was in other people's perspective when I was in fourth grade. However, I still have major stage-fright even now. It really helps if you have a group of friends that support you in ways that are important to you, not supporting you in categories that you don't particularly care about. Most people think that a support group is a group that will flatter you no matter what. That isn't supporting, that's just a group that tells you what you want to hear. A support groups is a group that helps you, whether is good comments or bad, except at the same time, celebrate your achievements.

I hope that this is an uplifting message. And I know that some of sounds nothing like what you have been told, but this is coming from a girl that went through bullying for majority of her life. :)

This was really inspiring :) I know lots of people must go through this too, so I'm impressed and respectful to them being able to overcome such obstacles and still stay calm.

For me, I respect less kids, unless they have truly done something exceptional, since most of the time I am the one that is respected for various reasons. :P

I know that it sounds bratty, but I also know that there are always good things and bad things out of everything, no matter what, so it doesn't matter how you act, your situation will hardly change.