Ais


Aquiel


Adai

For Aquiel

Time, cold and compassionless, had left none of their living magnificence. As mere piles of bone, they retained no grandeur. Just as a tapestry fades and unravels with age, these suggested a lost piece of art, and the framework of their being worked as a headstone, presenting to the onlooker that these creatures had once been, but nothing more. To an amateur studying their remains, there was a strange excess of body parts--extra arms, spines, skulls--which even together could not have been whole; to the professional, this could be explained by common mutation.

Aquiel was the least intact. Strewn about her were fragments of jewels and precious metals, scattered as pearls from a broken string. Her legs had been shredded, her back shattered, from the impact of something which had not considered her fragility. Five skulls grinned with mocking facetiousness at one whose jaw was unhinged as if to laugh right back. That all were her own gave the impression of a grim private joke. Surrounding her were the two others, Ais and Adai, adoptive brothers locked in combat. Their teeth and claws still frozen at one another's throats, they behaved like the wind and water that they were, each stroke of one upsetting the other.

The ghosts of war played on, and Ais, blue eyes locked with brown, wrestled again with Adai, ice meeting air, fire meeting fire, ash meeting ash--

Two Ny'venes, too proud to bow to the other, and too engaged in their disagreement to notice, had destroyed not only each other, but their love.

Yours is nice, if you want you could probably go back and edit it to give more details. The set up for your tale isn't bad at all :)

thank you

THIS STORY IS TITLE-LESS CUZ I CAN'T THINK OF ONE
PART 1
^{Also a warning... Ehh my story's quite long}

Meet da main charries!
(the) Prison


The hatchling (You'll find out her name sometime during the story ;P)


Storm


Grape


Mysterious Ryori



The hatchling tapped. Tapped at the pitch darkness before her, the rough, solid wall before her. She shifted, uncomfortable in the small oval shape she was confined in. Her tapping never ceased, and a crack rang out through the darkness. The small creature froze, fear snaking into her small, beating heart. Upon sensing no movement, the little black cautiously began tapping again. The crack sounded again, this time resulting in a lightning scar in the pitch black wall, where pale light shone through. Curious, the hatchling pressed against the wall and put her eye to the crack, trying to see through it. Suddenly, with a squeal from the hatchling, the wall gave way and the hatchling thumped to the ground, different from the ground the hatchling was on previously. The hatchling slowly stood up, her jet-black scales gleaming in the dim light and her ruby eyes flashing. Four walls surrounded her. Three stark grey, cold, and smooth. One glowing, white wall where a fresh breeze of air playfully wandered in and ruffled the hatchling's scales. So far, this was the world to the hatchling. Four walls. But really, what is really exciting about living in a world of no color? Occasionally, other sylesti had wandered into the cave the hatchling had been staying in. When others came, the hatchling hid and watched, observing. The other sylesti would appear through the glowing wall, then exit through the glowing wall. In the developing mind of the hatchling, she thought the glowing wall is really a thing of wonder. Until one day, curiosity got the best of her and she bumbled towards the glowing wall. In the first time in her so-far-very-short-life, she felt pain. Pain as she trod on the sharp stones by the while wall. Letting out a small yelp, the hatchling now carefully stepped between the sharp stones as she advanced towards the wall. When she got to the wall, she poked her nose at it, trying to feel it. Upon feeling nothing, the hatchling poked her nose in further. This unbalanced her, causing her to tumble forwards. The hatchling squeezed her eyes shut as she rolled down a small hill, feeling the sharp feeling of pain again. Slowly, her rolling came to a rest and the hatchling felt something cool and prickly under her. She cracked her eyes open, a little scared, and her eyes widened in wonder. A colorful world, glowing and pulsing before her eyes. The material before her was a bright green, with small droplets of dew on them. Some instinct stirred in her mind, and the word 'Grass!' popped into her brain. So this was grass. The hatchling daintily picked herself up and pushed on, eager to explore the whole new world that had just unraveled before her eyes.

The hatchling, now an adolescent, had been wandering through the forest for a few days now. A couple of weeks ago, she'd picked a fight with a small aurleon, feeling pain and retreating. Now, the adolescent wished for the aurleon again, to fight again, to stretch her muscles and feel the sweet feeling of victory, of satisfactory. The adolescent pushed on, brushing away a big leaf as she crashed through the undergrowth. She was big now, since she was a Ny'vene. Big, but still un-named. She emerged into a clearing, and in the middle of the clearing stood a fox-like creature, with wisps of fog swirling around it's neck. Something again clicked in her mind. This was a legendary Ryori! She started backing up, silently, hoping not the disturb the mythical creature when it laughed. The ryori laughed, a sound like thousands of small bells ringing in slight wind. And it spoke.
"I was expecting you," It said with a deep voice, the voice of rivers and rocks grating against each other. "You still do not have a name, have you?" At the question, the adolescent shook her head, and leaned forwards, curious. "I've watched you. From the moment your egg cracked, when you first trod on the sharp stones and yelped. I was there," The ryori continued. "I believe so that you've earned yourself a name, un-named. You are the light in the shadow, the un-named to be named, the one who lost your parents but found your own soul." The ryori padded towards the adolescent, and whispered in her ear. He named her with the language of all the living animals, the language of the wind sweeping the mountains. The language of mythical beasts. "You, my dear, are to be called..."



~Meanwhile, somewhere pretty far away yet very close by~
Storm hurried down the dark, dank hallway that smelt of rust. His blue-green scales, now coated with a thin layer of grit, scraped the edge of the wall, causing sparks to fly. He was on the run. He couldn't stand another hour of living here, in this prison, anymore. What's worse, was that the prison was like a living being. Intelligent, smart, cunning, and sly. Never to let it's inmates go. He ran his way into another chamber, dust falling from the ceiling and cobwebs in the corner.
"Why don't you just let me go!?" Storm howled, raking his claws along the wall in frustration. The wall beside him crumbled, and the crumbled pieces arranged themselves into another shape. The shape of a Ny'vene. The stone Ny'vene laughed, a hollow, dark sound.
"Let you go?" The Ny'vene grated in his stony voice. "Why, of course not! I wouldn't be called the Prison, if I let all my inmates go. You're inside me. There is no escape, no freedom. Everything you eat, drink, breath here, is me. I am the prison."
Storm growled, a terrible sound, and jumped at the stone Ny'vene. The Prison simply laughed, and the stones fell apart, now a normal pile of inanimate stone. Storm raged. He needed to get out. Every second more inside here was driving him insane! He took a deep breath, he had to calm down. He could still hear the stony laughter around him, taunting him, mocking him. Storm grit his teeth and trudged on, into a tunnel.

He'd been traveling for some time now, and he could see light at the end of the tunnel. He heard a sound of a rock moving behind him, so he whipped around and growled, expecting to see Prison again. But, no Prison. Only a lavender-colored Zolnixi.
"Whoa, chill, bro!" The zolnixi yelped, jumping back in fright. A second later, a goofy grin spread across the zolnixi's face. "So, you want to escape too? How wonderful! Me too!"
"You are...?" Storm looked down at the small zolnixi, suspicious. Prison was known for having spies.
"I'm Grape! Nice to meet you! I know Grape may be a weird name, but still," Grape cocked his head to the side. "That's what my parents called me. Can I come with you? Can I? Can I? Please, please, PLEASE!?"
"Ugh. Fine, but if you shut up," Storm sighed, though still suspicious. "Come on." He made a small gesture with his head, motioning for Grape to come along. Smiling, Grape trotted up beside Storm, and followed him. The two walk towards the light of the tunnel, and out of the tunnel. Immediately, an icy wind buffeted the two. Storm snapped his wings open to protect Grape and dug his claws into the now snowy ground. The wind passed, and Storm put his wings back to his side.
"Whoa! That was awesome!" Storm heard Grape exclaim from behind him.
"This, Grape, is the Ice sector of the prison," Storm explained. "High and cold winds, hostile mechanical Griffis and Sylporas in this sector."
"Wow!" Grape grinned, and bounded off, Storm flying after.
"We should hurry through. I don't want us to get attacked here, it's the most dangerous sector," Storm snapped, stepping in Grape's way and blocking his rush.
"Aww, but I think I see something interesting!" Grape whined, sidestepped Storm and raced off. Storm sighed, and chased after Grape.

After a few minutes of running, Grape had stopped, breathless. Storm caught up, and scolded him for running off.
"No, but seriously! Look at this!" Grape dug into the ground, and came up with a beautiful gold necklace, inlaid with a blood red ruby the shape of a heart.
"I... seriously don't think you should touch that, Grape." Storm said, cautiously eying the talisman. He jumped back as the snow before them rose and formed a shape of a Ny'vene; the Prison, again.
"Oh dear, what do we have here?" The Prison's voice sounded with feigned concern. "It's my lost talisman!"
"Prison! Why can't you leave us alone?!" Storm growled, annoyed.
"I can't," the Prison faked a shrug. "You're all inside of me. Also, I see you want to escape." The Prison turned to Grape. "I'll give you escape if you can bring the talisman to me. I'll be waiting!"
"Wait, what!?" Storm shrieked, as the Prison collapsed into a normal pile of snow and a black beam of light shone across the sky, above them, pointing east.
"Follow the black line, Grape! You'll find me!" The Prison's laughing voice echoed around them from all directions, and faded away.
"What an interesting offer!" Grape said, still smiling the lop-sided smile. "Why not?"
"No, Grape. We can't." Storm shook his head. "I know we want to escape, but not like this! The prison isn't known for keeping promises, you know. Come on, don't give it."
"It won't hurt to try!" Grape grinned, slipping the talisman over his head. It now hung around his neck, in stark contrast to his lavender fur.
Storm sighed, "It's just... We can't trust the prison." But Grape had already ran off into a tunnel. Looking at the inscription above the tunnel, Storm felt his heart clasp in fear. The inscription read: "Dark jungle sector"

Storm furiously tracked the fading scent of Grape. At the edge of his vision, Storm thought he saw a flash of purple. Looking up and around, he saw nobody. He just was about to relax when a burst of mechanical clicking sounds were heard from his left and a mechanical Griffi sprang onto him, slamming him into the ground and digging it's metal claws deep into Storm's hide. Storm screeched in pain, feeling his blood flow down his side. He feebly fought back, and saw Grape standing to the side.
"Grape! Help!" Storm hollered, blocking a would-be-lethal blow from the Griffi, earning him a deep scratch in his upper left arm, which he roared in pain.
"I don't think so..." Grape said, smiling a sly smile. "I like this talisman. I think I might keep it after all..." With that, Grape stuck is tongue out at the clashing sylesties, one of flesh and bone the other of metal and wire, and sprang away into the forest.
"Gahhh!" Storm screamed, as the Griffi sank it's razor-sharp beak into his tail. He growled, low, deep, and so threatening even the Griffi hesitated it's attack. "I'll get you, Grape."

THIS STORY IS TITLE-LESS CUZ I CAN'T THINK OF ONE
PART 2
^{Long story continued...}

~Back to the newly named adolescent~
The adolescent, bursting with life from her new name, bounded through the forest as if her paws were wind. She was aware there was a commonly spoken language between all sylesties, when she heard the Ryori talk. The language had imprinted every word and meaning into her mind the moment the ryori whispered her new name to her. She was still exhilarated by the fact she'd met a ryori. A ryori! Of all mythical creatures, the most mythical! She was still very excited when she nearly trod on a golden ball, lying in the undergrowth, and immediately her excitement turned to surprise. Being the curious adolescent she was, she picked up the ball with one talon and decided to have a closer look at the shiny object. She launched into the air, flapping her wings. She flew with the wind, twisting and turning with the air currents, like swimming in a river of air. She alighted at the mouth of her cave; her very first cave, the cave she hatched out in. She'd never come back here once in her life after she'd left it, but now she was returning. The adolescent gently nudged her cracked eggshell aside, and set the ball in the middle of the cave floor. The ball, it seemed, had it's own glow, so it illuminated the whole cave. The adolescent was about to prod the ball with one of her talons, poke it with her sharp claw, when a burst of light came from the ball. Surprised, the adolescent jumped back. The beam of light from the ball seemed to detach itself from the ball, and floated around the cave. The clump of light finally settled to the ground, so it now looked like a pool of golden water, shining in the afternoon light. The adolescent was about to sniff it, when the light suddenly grew into a shape. A Ny'vene, gray, with wisps of purple fire floating around it. The adolescent, unimpressed, turned away from the hologram Ny'vene and reached for the ball.
"Don't touch it!" The Ny'vene's voice rang out, commanding and sharp. The adolescent froze. She was sure she could detect some slyness in the voice, but she wasn't sure. She slowly turned towards the Ny'vene, who now had an angry face on, lips curled back into a snarl. The adolescent didn't speak. She made a gesture of 'Why?'. The Ny'vene understood, and replied, still snarling, "That's me, obviously." The adolescent shook her head in disbelief and the Ny'vene fell silent. In that moment of silence, she could hear small noises, voices, coming from the golden sphere. She looked at the grey Ny'vene quizically, pointed at the ball, gestured to her ears, shrugged. Basically, she was asking 'Why do I hear voices in there?'
The grey Ny'vene laughed, a laugh that chilled the adolescent to her bones. "Because, dear adolescent, I probably haven't introduced myself to you. I am the Prison. For short, call me Prison." The Prison cackled evilly. "Those voices you hear... Those are my inmates." The adolescent's eyes widened, and she motioned a question towards the Prison. The Prison laughed, "Why don't I let them go? Oh dear, I've been asked this so many times. Because I am the PRISON. I keep prisoners IN! They deserve to suffer my torture!" The Prison, then started laughing maniacally. In that moment, the adolescent knew she had to help those poor sylesties trapped inside, at whatever cost. She couldn't let this obviously evil Prison abuse them anymore. In a movement that matched the speed of lightning crashing across the sky, the adolescent swept up the ball in one talon and smashed it into the ground, resulting in a pile of gold dust. Behind her, the hologram Prison let out an inhuman "NOOOOO!!!" before the hologram flickered, buzzed, and with a pop, disappeared. Suddenly, in a flash of light, the cave was full of sylesti. Now, the adolescent knew she had done the right thing. Weary eyes looked up at her, dirty fur and scales covered in dirt and grime glinted dully in the cave. The sylesties began to thank the adolescent, but a silent crack-popping sound was heard. All heads immediately swivelled towards the direction of the sound. The origin of the sound, was the pile of gold dust. It was turning into a silverish-grey, and it was glowing. Right before the watching sylesies' eyes, the huge glowing pile of dust solidified into a silver-grey Ny'vene that everyone knew well. It was the Prison. A cry of terror rose from the sylesties, and everyone was clambering over each other trying to get out of the cave. The sylesties fled as a pack, leaving two sylesties behind, which they looked like they had no intention of leaving. One was a blue-green Ny'vene with lightning dancing across his scales, and a purple Zolnixi with a gold talisman inset with a ruby. The Prison gave chase, running after the fleeing sylesties. Just as Prison exited the cave, a blue-green blur bowled into him from behind. It was the blue-green male, the adolescent recognized.
"Storm, stop!" The Prison screeched, fending off a bite to the throat.
"Why should I? You've tortured me, Grape, and all those innocent sylesties for years! It is right I have my revenge, and get their revenge for them!" The blue-green named Storm roared into the Prison's face, digging his talons into Prison's sides and raking them down, leaving a couple of deep gashes that spewed blood.
"Grape! Give here the talisman!" Prison's voice rang out, and his eyes flashed red as he fought back at Storm, giving storm a hard bite on the wound Storm had earned in the fight with the Griffi, causing Storm to howl with pain.
"No, I don't think so. It's rather beautiful, don't you think?" Grapes eyes twinkled savagely as he ran off, a purple blur against the green of the forest. The adolescent emerged from the cave, to see the Prison fling off Storm into a tree. Storm slid to the ground, unconcious. Prison growled in the direction of Storm, and swung around to face the adolescent.
"Are you not afraid?" The Prison roared at the adolescent. "You cannot speak, you have not a name. Yet you're still here. FEAR ME! I AM THE MIGHTY PRISON!"
For the first time in her life, the adolescent spoke. Her voice was like silk water, a soft breeze rustling the grass, yet very commanding. She spoke without flinching, and stared Prison in the eye, defiant. "I am Paradox, the un-named, with a name. The light in the shadow. The one who lost her parents but found herself. I am the Paradox." The Prison hestitated, not sure what to do. He was still staring at Paradox when the mysterious ryori that had named Paradox appeared by his side. As he turned to look at the ryori, it was too late. Before Prison could react, the ryori had already dug it's sharp claws into Prison's throat, cutting out a huge gash where blood spewed from. Prison fell to the ground, blood spurting from the wound. The ryori spoke again, this time with a voice like the harsh winter wind.
"Prison. I do not approve of your ways of treating your inmates. For that, you must die." The ryori announced. Prison gagged once, and froze. His body dissipated into black dust, blown away by the wind. The ryori turned to Paradox. "Are you glad it's over? We shall have peace for a few years before the next great evil."
"I am happy. Greatful, really," Paradox replied, her eyes shut with gratitude. "Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you for my name, for the knowledge you gave me, for my strength, for everything you've given me." She opened her eyes, expecting to see the ryori. It was gone, just as if it was a puff of wind, blown away without a sound. Paradox turned to Storm, who was laying at the foot of the tree beside her, to check if he was okay. Blood still seeped from some of his wounds, but he was okay.
"Storm?" Paradox's soft voice pulled at the unconcious Ny'vene. "Wake up. It's over. It's really over."
"Is it? Life isn't a fairytale, my dear Paradox... The good don't always win..." A last fragment of Prison's voice sounded from behind her. Paradox whirled around, but there was nothing. Spooked to the bone, Paradox turned back around and started to tend to Storm. She could have sworn she saw a flicker of silver-grey scales of Prison from the corner of her eye. But when she turned her head to look, nothing was there...



So this was death. A plane of endless black; never to see the stars. never to see the daylight again. Never to breath the clear, sweet air again. Yet he was there. His silver-grey scales somehow gleamed in the darkness without a light source. And his eyes, those soul-piercing eyes, were open, ever moving, silently scouring the black plane he was floating in, taking in everything in crystal clear detail. But nothing could be seen; everything was black. What was there to be seen, anyways? The Ny'vene laughed, a hollow, creepy sound. He obviously wasn't dead. But, who are we kidding here? You can't kill an immortal.

THE END

Bumping!

Somebody please tell me if my story needs more detailllllll

Bumping~

I don't think that your story needs more detail, but there are a few instances in your story where you use the same word many times in a short span. For example:

"Curious, the hatchling pressed against the wall and put her eye to the crack, trying to see through it. Suddenly, with a squeal from the hatchling, the wall gave way and the hatchling thumped to the ground, different from the ground the hatchling was on previously. The hatchling slowly stood up, her jet-black scales gleaming in the dim light and her ruby eyes flashing."

Instead of using the word hatchling, you could replace it with a similar descriptive noun, such as "the Ny'vene" or "the creature." It's alright to use the word hatchling most of the time, but when you refer to her as the subject or as the object of the verb more than twice in a few sentences, I would recommend finding something else to call her in that third usage.