**please read it carefully, thank you, its, well, important**
I was debating awhile back whether to mention or not, and also because in IRL I was told NEVER to talk about it because 'people won't think you are normal' but considering at times, and in certain situations it may get me into unnecessary trouble which i never meant for to happen....and someone had pointed out to me that If i do not say it, then people can hardly tell...so...i guess I should mention it...as well as someone thought it was a good idea to mention it...
I have Asperger's Syndrome, its mild, at least better than when I was younger I suppose, but still, it causes issues here and there, mostly it directly affects my socialization skills and the way i read or perceive things, or as well as the way I respond/react to certain situations....
First off, no, I am not using it as an excuse or anything, I'm saying it, because I feel you guys deserve some form of explanation as to why I sometimes act the way I do, and that, as my buddies, you guys deserve to understand whats going on with me as well as, if there is anyway to give a little helpful nudge here and there, or if 'something is up' and that I should have told you guys sooner...
...to be honest, I was afraid of 'looking weird' and I thought, if you guys knew, you wouldn't want to be my friend anymore maybe...but somehow, I realize, by not telling you guys, you may not understand what is going on and react to said situation like how you'd go about with everyone else's...if you get what I mean... :/
But yeah...sometimes I can catch my Asperger's, and then sometimes I can't...so i'll sort of break it down to you (its easier for me) of what happens...
Sometimes I have trouble responding to certain emotions or situations...you've seen me sound 'silly' and 'immature' before right?
...fun fact, i'm actually not...sure, I do enjoy the company, but most of the time my 'silliness' comes off the fact i'm actual very shy, and very unsure of what is the most best response...but this mostly occurs in busy chatrooms because I get very emotionally confused because I am in a room full of people with different personalities, and i can't make up my mind how to greet each and everyone of them...so my first initial respond is to 'hug' and 'glomp' people...and all that silly...crazy stuff....and i get kind of frightened....
...i know...that probably sounds 'stupid' to you, but its not not me... :/ (i am dead horrible when there are so many people's emotions 'lingering' because it just affects me alot and I don't know what to 'do with all that emotion stuff' and my mind starts to 'improvise' with what it *thinks* is accordingly)
As well as, i'd like to also mention, I type faster than i can think, maybe even faster when I am nervous or upset, and I am not very good at redirecting some of my emotions...so i may convey the wrong meaning to you, sometimes, same goes with when I try and type something to someone...because initially, in my mind, it looks OKAY, it looks 'cool and 'fine' but it may NOT be to you, so I do not realize this, and I may be 'mean' or 'insulting' and maybe 'annoying' on accident and I would have never realized it, well, at least not till its too late :/ (i have a very delayed response)
So for this, all I am asking is, please, just tell me straight away, and also as well as because i have a tendency to read what you say the wrong way, or perceive it the wrong way...or maybe even say something that seems 'odd or 'off'...I'd like to let you know, I do not mean it, and I mean no harm.
So please, let me know right away, or be direct with me, though, just, don't frighten me, apparently I had realized the hard way that there are some aspects of my emotions which seem 'raw' and can be set off, which throws me into a sort of 'defensive/panic' mode...eeps....
as well as I realize, its harder on text, I cannot really read emotions through word or texts, or if I do, chances are, I may have applied the wrong tone/emotion to it, i dunno, so chances are there may be issues here and there, so you'll have to poke and nudge me and let me know...seriously, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong...
As well as I am very bad at sentences sometimes, like sometimes i say things in 'reverse' like...well...as a quick example...i like...if someone is upset, and i should apologize, well, i do, but thats not after i did a quick explanation....while probably for most of you guys, you'd probably apologize straight off the bat, but...i seem to have trouble with that, I mean, i do apologize, but I have no clue why i keep feeling inclined to 'explain' things...maybe its because internally/innately i am aware i've said something wrong and am 'bashing' my head over again......bear in mind, with my aspergers I am apparently VERY good at picking all the wrong words for the 'right meaning/sentence' which turns said sentence into something accidentally distorted...or wayyy off the point... *shrugs* i'd suppose that's the reason, but I do know i talk alot when i'm upset or excited, and sometimes I'd make an oopsies or an accident, and misread the point of what you meant...so erm...about that, just wait till i've cooled off and tell me again...? (apparently i'm very good at messing a sentence up... >_>)
I get it, i may still sound silly here and there, and to be honest, I am a relatively welcoming and friendly person, but sometimes I may talk strange or sound weird, but its usually with harmless intentions and i definitely do not mean to.
So please, overall, I hope i did not sound confusing, and that I hadn't missed anything, I can promise you though, i will try, but sometimes I may still slip up here and there, all I ask is, that you try not to be that upset when it does happen.
Can I also just say that if you are going to tell me what I did wrong, please like TELL me, in the past I had people say 'you should know what you did' but i don',t, which is why what i say afterwards may sound 'weird' or confused because I am, i'm confused, veryyy confused, because sometimes I CAN realize something is wrong ..but I do not know the reason why, i can maybe assume, but the assumption would usually be incorrect...because again, i read and perceive things usually with a completely different way than what you meant...so seriously, just...TELL me... (I am sorry to those who avoided replying to me in notes and got to see me note them/ping them AGAIN...because maybe you been upset or something and I did not realize then, maybe you were upset at me or something else and did not want to be bugged...i'm rubbish at realizing these things at times, I mean, maybe i get a lingering feeling maybe...but...sorry)
because okay, if you see me 'looking confused' and 'going around asking what happened' or going directly to YOU and 'asking what happened'...then please, be aware that things are up and things are very wrong and I am genuinely confused and have no clue what I just did...(yeah, you *may* catch me talking about something completely different than what you mean...lol that is your 'CUE' to tell you I 'definitely did not get it)
and I am ashamed to admit, sometimes, in my confusion, i think of maybe you in a rather 'hostile' way usually because maybe you snapped at me or so because of some silly drama in which i misinterpreted what you said, but I did not know it was actually me who did something wrong...so i end up getting confused, and then I end up thinking 'its YOU'RE fault'...(i'm sorry to whoever got this from me before...i swear to gawd I did not mean to)
...don't get me wrong, i have no cruel intentions, but personally from my perspective, I am usually easily confused and clueless because I read what you said wrong or misunderstood the whole situation...
...and admittedly, sometimes its the opposite way, like maybe you read me wrong? i'm not good at explaining, and I can be very ambiguous sometimes, so people usually think i meant to 'be mean' or 'rude' when I hadn't meant to be, i'm slow on getting all my points out, and i'm slow on trying to say something, and sometimes, i miss key points when I do say it, which leaves people feeling relatively irritated...annoyed...or disgruntled...(i'm so sorry)
not that i meant to...but honestly, it looked 'fine' to me then @_@
and as well at times I realized that...because i get distracted often, so when i come back to 'resume' convo, i've would have already forgotten the topic...or forgotten what i said earlier...which sometimes causes me to say...well...lets say something thats totally wrong...*facedesk*...i'm really bad at remembering 100% of a conversation, as time passes i start forgetting the stuff at 'the front;.... which causes me to seriously 'distort' a conversation, and then sometimes i try and 'hop in back' and i do so improperly on accident...
Though, if you have questions, please, talk to me, and ask me....I do ALOT better on one-to-one questions or if people are asking me...directly and clearly...i'm just...more nervous with lot of people around me at times that I get really nervous... >_>
Okay, overall, as a summary, I hope I did not sound weird or that I hadn't missed anything in this thread...
and yes, I am still trying not to let my Asperger's get in the way, its a bit hard sometimes, but I still try, but I may make mistakes here and there, so please, i am very sorry when I do slip up @_@
and if you have questions, please ask me right away, in fact, DO ask me, i'd be happy to answer you right away, I would love to clarify anything with you.
But yeah guys...if you want to ask me anything, sure, and if you want to 'check ' with me, like maybe something happened and you were confused, you can ask me and i'll tell you what happened then and what I had thought you meant during that situation or something...I dunno...
and i'm sorry if I every ticked anyone off before... really wasn't intentional, seriously, I didn't mean to...I may have been unaware of the situation...or your situation then... :(
But seriously, I do love and care for all of you, and my intentions are never cruel or malicious...i'm just a...confused Baney...or Wolfy...whatever it is you guys like to call me...lol
...I hope this clears things up between us... @_@
...mmph it feels so weird telling everyone this, but I just do not want an issue anymore...and I don't want people thinking of me as someone I am not, or i just don't want anymore 'gaps' between us...so honestly you deserve an explanation
(and one last thing...if i ever 'annoy' you or anything, just let me know, sometimes...I am just unaware I was bothering you...sorry, i'll clear off if you need peace)
...ping me please? and I loves you... |
