Hello everyone, I'm LDDarcWolf. You're welcome to call me Lucian, DarcWolf, Wolf, or D.

Anyhow I'm here to get help/support on a very sensitive and possibly triggering topic the death/loss of a loved one.

My story:

January 27th, 2011 one week before my 24th birthday

After diagnosis of stage 4 Colin cancer only 2.5 months earlier my mother passes away.

I was very close to my mom and so losing her has been extremely hard on me. For the last soon to be three years without her I've been struggling with some very sever depression especially between the months of August(my moms birth month), and February(my birth month), and with the third a anniversary of her passing coming up in just 6 days and my birthday in 11 days...I'm honestly starting to fall apart. I would normally be enveloping myself in playing Pokemon, or another game on a handheld system but I've yet to be able to get a 3DS XL which is why I have yet to even get to play X and Y.

So I'm here attempting to keep myself distracted...and I could use help/support...really just some one to talk to...I have been trying to get my self a gift but so far I've been unsuccessful in doing so.

So if I seem like I'm getting distant, or snappy I'm so very sorry...it's just I'm dealing with a lot in real life right now, but I don't mean to come across as snappy or anything like that.

Thanks for reading.

I'm so so so so so sorry....
i know how it is to lose a loved one to cancer, my great aunt(my second mom) died of breast cancer when i was 3. since i had spent almost half of my life with her at that time, it was very hard on me, even though i couldn't understand fully.
i think it's fine if you're somewhat moody, you have a right to be so. if you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to shoot me a PM.

Thanks TopazWolf,
Your support is very helpful. :) I'll send you a message a little later on today ok. :)

I'm so sooooo sorry to hear that you lost your mom :( I couldn't Bear losing my dad any time soon so I just cant imagin how youre feeling right now... But I read your profile page and, you have a child. Why not get lost in making that child as happy as possible? Why not spend as much time with them as possible and hug them and spoil them instead of you? Studies have shown that endorfence is created in your brain when you buy something, we all know it xD, BUT studies have Also shown that making other ppl happy creates the Same level of endorfence as eating or doing "adult" activities and that endorfence lasts quite a while. To distract yourself, go and volunteer, become a foster parent, give a few dollars to that bum on the street, or surround yourself with family.

And Wolf...

Your mother isn't gone forever...

She's still here, she just doesn't have her physical body... This isn't some mumbo-gumbo religious talk, this-is-real, real as you and I and you can still contact her and her voice. Just get a recorder, turn it on and talk. I assure you, loved ones are not dead and gone forever, their consciousness still exsists and she still remembers you... *starts to tear up thinking about this* when ever you feel desperate to just talk you can always message me. Just remember

She's still here

That's the thing with me though Dae, I make her happy all the time...but I can't get enveloped in making her happy because she's a baby...and no baby is ever going to be happy all the time, especially when they know that something is wrong. I do spoil her loads, and so again most of the time she a very happy kid, except when she's very sleepy and is fighting it. It's when she's like that and I can't do anything to help to make her happy or sleep that my depression from not having my mom who I always would call of advice that it really gets to me...it also gets to me that I can't call and ask my mom for baby safe craft and art projects that she had done with me...

You see I didn't even get pregnate with my daughter until after my mom passed away, so my mom never even had a chance to meet her granddaughter. Which in its own right is very sad.

My family doesn't have much in the way of money which is why I play on sites like this that have fictional money I can use to get myself little digital gifts, in this case pets.

I'd do EVP but I very bad experances with it and have no recording device even if I did want to try it again.

I'm very sorry to hear of your mother's passing. I went through something similar about a year and a half ago. My mother had passed a few years earlier, and it was the summer of 2012. I had been going to my father's house (where I grew up) every other day. I'd help him with chores, we'd have breakfast together, and we'd either work puzzles or sit out on the porch and watch the birds and squirrels at the feeders. It's a time that I really wish I could go back to and live through again. Anyway, my father began complaining of not having an appetite. I wanted him to go see a doctor and he'd just grumble at me. So one day, dad agreed to go. Apparently, he was really dizzy. I drove him down to the walk in clinic and that's when I realized it was something really bad. She had me take him directly to the ER. They called ahead. His kidneys were shutting down. He'd have been dead if I didn't take him that day. So they did tests and the results came back as stage 4 cancer. This was around the end of July or early August. He died in September.

It's been really difficult to say the least. Anyway, anytime you feel like talking let me know. Also, may I ask what type of gift you're trying to get yourself?

Thanks you Savynn,
I'm sorry to hear about your dad. I've lost to any family members(both blood and extended) to cancer(which is a very sensitive topic)...and I have a particular sensitivity to things when a friend or family member say they are really sick...because I automatically start thinking that they are going to leave me because of cancer...I have a really hard time still though because I know my mom would have had a chance to still be alive if the dr.s actually did the diagnostic work sooner, and if the out of state cancer specialist place would have called my step dad back when he asked for their help for her...but they never even called back...none of the places called back... T-T

Well on here I'm just trying to get pets, largely a few more AS Griffis(or one really high carry/high Vis), but in RL I'm trying to get myself my Nintendo 3DS XL so I can go back to playing my Pokemon games.

Sounds rough :(,
but glad to see you are trying everything you can to keep moving forward! You might want to look into getting professional help if you haven't already.

Also, have you ever tried using an emulator on the computer to play video games? I haven't looked into 3ds ones, but there are a lot of games out there for other systems at the very least! I could recommend some if you would like? :)

Thanks, and I have been getting some help. It's just loss due to death I've never handled well, as it's always been traumatic for me. I PTSD so loosing people in my support system never ends well. I always turned to my mom for so much and now not having her, is really hard on me...but I am doing what I can.

I would concider using an emulator but I don't have a computer that would be able to run one, my personal desktop can't even go online anymore because it's such an old model that it can't run wireless internet.

Sounds stressful. :(

Oh, are you on Sylestia through your phone then?