Even Tox had to admit that food was probably one of his favorite things in the world. He enjoyed eating, trying new things, and he also enjoyed cooking, not that he'd gotten around to doing much of that here. Unfortunately, food also reminded him heavily of his family and brought up memories, both good and bad, and made him dwell too much on the past again. He could see his family standing in the kitchen, laughing and having fun as Tox made his first batch of pancakes, which had ended up all over the place. He could also remember his parents sitting at the kitchen table, staring at their untouched dinner places, looks of deep despair on their faces...
These sorts of thoughts would have kept their hold on Tox, if not for Brain. She was like his anchor to reality, and he wished he could tell her how grateful he was for that. He watched her shrug, watched her foot tap on the floor, all with a soft, masculine sort of grin which never seemed to leave his face when she was around. Her answer was unexpected, but his smile widened when she gave it and his heart stuttered when she grinned at him.
"Maybe," he said slyly, glancing sideways at her with a playful glint in his brown eyes, "I like seafood too, though specifically sushi. My parents ran a restaurant in Japan, and my dad specialized in sushi. I would go there after school and eat sashimi as a snack before dinner." He left off for a moment as he pondered a moment. "Though, I guess I have to say my favorite food was my mom's noodle soup. It was always so full of flavor, and the smell of it always made me feel better as a kid." He realized rather quickly that he was crossing into dangerous territory, thinking about his parents, and so he tried to change the subject.
"Alright, its your turn now. Ask me a question." He leaned over and propped the elbow of his good arm on the crate she was sitting on, careful not to get too so he could rest his head in his hand, and smiled charmingly at her.
-----
Howl
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Reach
Edited By Britters on 9/4/2018 at 3:13 PM.
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Posted: 9/4/2018 at 10:35 PM
Post #122
That smile on Tox's face was intoxicating, Brain found to much confusion as he turned his head towards her. It made her heart skip a beat upon first seeing it, and then remain at a faster clip than it should be. Maybe that was just her anxiety about small spaces acting up again, though. She tried not to think about how she was trapped again, and instead focused on the smooth timbre of Tox's voice, uninterrupted by stammers, and so confident all the time...
He was always drawing her closer to him. She ignored people, and got mildly annoyed when they approached her when she didn't want to be approached, but not with Tox. Something about him just made it okay. Something about the way he made her feel... Well, she was almost delighted when he would come up to her and engage her in conversation.
Although she should've realized it was her turn again, she was caught somewhat off guard by having to choose the question again. She hadn't even thought about what she'd ask him. She loved his story about the sushi, and couldn't help smiling at it. She wanted to know more about him, his family and his life.
"Do you have any siblings?"
The question came out before she could really consider it, but she stood by it nonetheless. "I've none," she added quickly, before he could give her a small answer and turn it back to her. It was true, she didn't have any siblings, though she had always kind of wanted one.
Britters
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Posted: 9/5/2018 at 12:19 AM
Post #123
There was no doubt in Tox's mind that he was becoming less and less upset about being trapped in this shipping container. Yes, his shoulder hurt, and yes, he was hungry, but that truth was he had stopped being concerned about those things. He was perfectly content to simply sit there on the crate and talk to Brain. He knew he was not poetic enough to ever come up with the proper words to describe the moment, but all he could think was how calm he felt around her. He'd spent so many years feeling so angry about everything, but that didn't exist when he was near Brain.
It was still something that baffled Tox, the fact that these feelings had seemed to creep up on him very suddenly. If he really thought about it, it was obvious that they had been developing the last several years. Even when Kicker had been alive he could remember feeling different around Brain than anyone else, and when he had taken on the role of leader he had gone out of his way to spend time talking with her about the management of the compound. He had told himself it was just logical because Kicker had used her for advice as well, but now he realized that he had spent more time talking to her than Kicker ever had.
Still feeling happy and delighted at their conversation, Brain's question could not have caught Tox more off guard. She had no reason to know anything about his family, because he had never shared that information with anyone, and he knew there was no malice behind the inquiry. It was still hard to tamp down the anger which flooded his system. He sat up, scowling down at the floor and trying to contain his emotions. He still held onto the desire to not ruin this time with Brain, but it was a very difficult thing.
"Yes," he said, hearing the slight tremble in his voice and hating himself for it, "I had a little sister...she died when I was younger." Speaking those words were almost painful, but he tried to shake it off as he made himself turn his face back to her, forcing a smile onto his face and he made a desperate pass at changing the subject without thinking about his next question. "So no siblings, but what about your parents? What did they do?"
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Posted: 9/5/2018 at 12:30 AM
Post #124
Almost immediately, Brain could tell that she had screwed up somewhere. Tox's confidence wavered, and it never did that. It was one of the things she admired about him, how he could be so sure of himself at all times, but that look on his face... That brief flicker... It was downright heartbreaking, and infinite memory or no, she knew that she'd never forget it.
When he answered her question, she only regretted asking it more. His sister had died? How absolutely heartbreaking was that? Brain suddenly found it very difficult to breathe, and she wrapped her arms around her torso, trying to think of a way to properly apologize for making him think of that.
But when his turn was uttered, all thoughts of begging for forgiveness fell from her mind. If she had no right to ask about his sister, then he definitely had no right to ask about her parents.
He had told her, though... It was most certainly a painful subject for him to talk about his sister, but he told her anyway. Even if it hurt him, even if his confidence wavered. Even if he showed a side to her that maybe he hadn't been intending to show to her. It made her heart ache in her chest, and she wondered what it was that he did to her to make her feel this way.
"My parents-" she began angrily, but cut herself off, trying to take a calming breath. She hadn't been intending to say anything, but... Suddenly, it was as if she sort of wanted him to know. Some part of her wanted to divulge what she had been through, to show him that it was okay. That she cared for his pains, too. Most of all, though, she really just wanted to hug him again, to wrap her arms around him and hear his heartbeat, strong and steady.
Her eyes were glued to the floor and her jaw oscillated between clenched and unclenched for a solid minute. "If you tell me about your sister," she finally said with a small sigh, looking back to him and meeting his gorgeous gaze. "Then I'll tell you about my parents. Fair enough?"
Britters
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Posted: 9/5/2018 at 3:54 PM
Post #125
Things had clearly gone downhill very fast, and Tox wanted nothing more than to go back in time just a few minutes. He wanted to avoid these questions, or react to her question in a way that hadn't caused such tension. He hated that they were both sitting there, upset and lost in unpleasant memories, unable to comfort one another. His fingers itched to reach out to her, but he kept his hands in his lap, clenching and unclenching them into fists and he struggled to bring himself back under control.
Asking about her parents had clearly disturbed Brain just as much as her question about siblings had done to him, and Tox wanted to backtrack as quickly as possible but he could think of nothing to say. Memories of his sister were continuing to flood his mind and it as difficult to concentrate on the situation. He didn't know how things had gone so wrong. He had felt so happy and content just moments before, and now he was sitting there wishing he was anywhere but in this shipping container with Brain. She looked so discomfited that he was about to get up and put some distance between them, hoping that would make her feel better, and then...
There was that trust in her green eyes again, that heart-wrenching trust that made Tox's knees feel weak. He knew he'd do anything to make it so she never stopped looking at him like that. Her proposal made his stomach somersault and for a moment he could only stare at her in wide-eyed disbelief. She wanted him to tell her about his sister, because she cared, and she was willing to tell him about her parents. He had no idea about the details, but he was sure talking about her parents was just as painful to her as talking about his sister was to him. That sacrifice on her part was breathtaking.
"Fair enough," he finally agreed, nodding his head solemnly, and then he took a deep, steadying breath as he let the words he had kept inside too long flow out, "Her name was Kimiko. I had always wanted a sibling, but I was 10 by the time she as born. I wasn't sure how to deal with having a sister so much younger than I was, but when my parents brought her home I knew she was my whole world." His voice had begun to shake ever so slightly, but he kept going. "I loved her more than I'd ever loved anything, and she was my best friend. We played games together, she went with me everywhere, we were inseparable. When I got older, though, my parents wanted me to spend more time working in their restaurant, so I started spending less and less time with Kimiko. I was sixteen when it happened..." He trailed off, staring down at the ground.
For a moment, Tox was unsure that he could go on, but he made himself look back into Brain's face, and that gave him the courage he needed.
"I was working in the kitchen," he continued, each word feeling heavy on his tongue, "Kimiko had been pestering me all day to take her to the park, but we were in the middle of a lunch rush and I as trying so hard to focus on my work that I kept ignoring her. She was little, but she was a firecracker when it came to trying to get what she wanted. She just kept nagging at me, and I was getting more and more frustrated and angry with her, but she wouldn't stop and I kept having to refocus on what I was doing. Finally, I messed up an order I was working on getting out, and that was the last straw. I grabbed her by the arm, I only meant to yell at her that she needed to get out of the kitchen, but I was so worked up that I didn't realize..." He fumbled, squeezing his eyes shut tight, but he knew the end was in sight and he forced the last bit of the story out. "I ended up burning her upper arm. She got scared, I'll never forget the look on her face, and she bolted from the kitchen screaming. I tried to run after her, but she was so fast, and before I could try and stop her she had run out of the restaurant and into the street where she was hit by a car." He opened his eyes, and looked straight at Brain, anchoring himself to her.
There, he had made it through, and despite the aching in his chest at the memories, Tox realized he also felt...lighter. As though a weight had been lifted from him, like Brain had somehow shared this burden with him.
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Posted: 9/5/2018 at 5:03 PM
Post #126
In truth, Brain hadn't been expecting Tox to consent to her proposal. Hell, she wasn't even certain if she was quite willing to consent to it. She hadn't ever talked about her parents openly before; even Lance knew only the bits and pieces that she had told him. But when Tox began his tale... Something warm blossomed in Brain's chest, for just a moment, at the trust he was placing in her for him to talk about something that was so obviously sensitive and painful.
It was so unlike Tox. Or, rather, unlike how he portrayed himself to the world. This was a deeper Tox Was this Ryuu?
Brain found herself scooting closer to him on the crate, feeling her heart ache with his story. She couldn't even imagine how absolutely agonizing that must have been for him... How guilty he must feel... To be the indirect cause of the death of the thing you loved most in the world? She wished she could somehow take his pain away, somehow wrap him up in her arms and tell him that she wouldn't let anything hurt him, but she knew that she couldn't.
If she did, then that would only bring her more opportunity for pain once she got reminded again of how repulsed he was by being near her. How he hesitated to come closer to her, at all times. But, she had to reach out to him somehow... She had to let him know she was there, and he could show this sensitive side to her without worrying about judgment or anything.
"I can't even im-magine" she murmured, feeling tears prick at her own eyes for no obvious reason. She willed them back, and then reached out her hand and placed it on his. His skin was so hardened from work, and she left her thumb trace a circle over the back of it. It sent shivers down her spine, but she tried her hardest to ignore it.
Britters
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Posted: 9/5/2018 at 10:56 PM
Post #127
Nothing felt right to Tox as he sat on his crate, mulling things over in the aftermath of his confession. In the ten years which had passed since his sister's death, all he had ever felt when he thought about her was despair and anger, but that was not what he was feeling right now. He felt saddened at the memories of her and that day, of course, but he also felt calmer than he ever thought he could feel about it. He knew it had everything to do with Brain, and he was in awe that she could have such an effect.
Feeling her presence nearer to him, Tox felt some tension building in his muscles, but it was not the usual furious tension he as accustomed to. She was so near to him that the urge to reach out and touch her was becoming almost unbearable, and for a few minutes he was determined not to even look at her for fear his resolve would disintegrate. Yes, he had agreed to let himself enjoy his feelings for the time being, but he did not want to push his luck when it came to not scaring her off.
Of course, all of those thoughts went out the window completely the moment Tox felt her hand upon his. It felt for all the world like a repeat of the hug from earlier. His mind seemed to go blank, and he couldn't form coherent thoughts let alone words. His heart was fluttering, his stomach was flip-flopping, and it was the best and worst feeling in the world. His only focus seemed to be on the circling motion of her thumb, and he took in a sudden, deep gulp of air as he realized he'd been holding his breath.
"Thank you," he murmured, turning his head very slowly to look at her again, "I'm glad I told you." He didn't know why he'd said that out loud, but he only knew that it was right and true. Feeling as thought the air he was moving through was as thick as molasses, he carefully turned his hand and wrapped it very loosely around Brain's, to the point where he was barely touching her skin with his. "After it happened, my parent kicked me out, disowned me. I lived on the streets for a while before the gang found me and started using me for my ability, making me hurt people for them. Thats why I keep my distance from people, because I never want to hurt another person ever again." He took another deep breath, looking at her seriously.
"I won't hold you to your promise if you don't feel like it," he told her gently, "But I want you to know that I'd feel honored if you would."
Edited By Britters on 9/5/2018 at 11:19 PM.
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Posted: 9/5/2018 at 11:37 PM
Post #128
Brain couldn't believe how much Tox had trusted her in telling her about his sister. Part of her was glad she had asked the triggering question, because if she hadn't, then she wouldn't be so close to him, and she wouldn't have known about this softer, sweeter side to him, the side that loved his sister more than anything else in the world and felt such guilt over her death. When he twisted his hand upwards to meet hers, her heart skipped a beat, and she felt the sudden urge to intertwine their fingers. They already looked so perfect while cupped together, brown skin against pale.
But that would be too comfort-seeking, her mind told her. Or was it comfort-giving? She couldn't quite tell, but the longing became almost too much to bear. With her free hand, she pushed up her glasses, which had slipped lower on her nose, and flashed him a quick, encouraging-yet-sympathetic grin in her signature naturally-lopsided style.
Until she remembered her side of the deal and it promptly fell off of her face and transformed into a small frown. Her eyes fixed themselves on a spot on the floor, and for a moment, she couldn't quite breathe. She wasn't certain if she could actually talk about it. She'd never been able to before. Her heart was pounding in her chest, and it quickened at his sensitively considerate comment about how she didn't need to hold her end up. If anything, that told her that she most definitely needed to.
"My parents-" she cut herself off. "I mean... My father- no, my mother- they-" she struggled for a moment, shutting her eyes tight as she tried to gather her thoughts. With a sigh, she opened them again. Don't seek pity. Just put the information out there. "My mother had twelve clear-minded days in my full memory, where she fought the withdrawals of her substances and remember she had a family."
There, that was a good start. It explained the issues she had with her mother while not seeking any attention of any sort, while still preserving that independence that Brain was so protective of. Half the battle was done, and now all she had to do was briefly describe her father, and it would be over with.
"My father was...religious," she offered up in regards to him. "And..." Damn it. Her train of thought disappeared, and all she could think of was her father screaming at her, throwing chairs and punching walls, threatening to hit her... Unconsciously, she felt her fingers intertwine with Tox's, holding on perhaps a bit tighter than allowed. "And you wouldn't think it would b-be that bad to have an infinite memory, not like acid production-" the words flew out of her mouth before she could stop them, and she had to pinch the bridge of the nose with her free hand to keep herself from letting tears fall. "Sorry..." she muttered. "But you get what I mean. It's really not that bad." She was going to leave it there, but it felt empty, and she had to add something else. "But... He th-thought I was inhuman for it. That I was some... some spawn of the devil. That's what he called me."
It came out in a rush, but it was there, and she couldn't take it back. Nor could she stop herself from continuing at this point, as if she had crossed some invisible line and was now rolling eternally down a steep slope.
"He would lose his temper at me, and my mom would support him. She would tell me I was overreacting. That he wasn't a bad guy. But... A total of seven times, he tried to drown me. He actually attempted it, s-seven times!" Her words were fast, but articulated as best as they could be. "And... Damn it, because of this stupid memory, I can't ever forget how it felt to have my head p-pushed down into the full bathtub, with his ice-cold hand holding me by the back of my neck, suffocating me under the w-water as he cried about how I was no ch-child of his, no human at all, and I sc-screamed and prayed to whatever God there was to try to r-repent any sins that I had committed in the six years of life I had l-lived up until that point!"
She didn't realize when her voice had raised so drastically, or when her words had gotten so sped-up, or even when she had begun crying, but now she felt empty, and all she could do was take her glasses off, set them aside, and bury her face in her hands, detaching one from Tox's and unconsciously scooting a bit father away.
Britters
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Posted: 9/6/2018 at 8:09 PM
Post #129
If someone had asked Tox what he was expecting Brain to tell him, not in a million years would he have given an answer that was anywhere close to what he was hearing. He could think of a lot of different ways in which parents could make their children's lives hell, and he had lived through his own trials. There was nothing to prepare himself, however, for what Brain told him about her mother and father. He didn't think anyone who heard something like this would be anything but shocked.
The emotions flowing through Tox's body were a crazy whirlwind, predominately consisting of rage. His old, familiar anger built up with every word that was coming out of Brain's mouth. Trying to wrap his head around the idea that her father could have treated her with such malice and hostility was only making his blood boil more, and he could feel his hands start to tremble as he thought about her being put through that. There was nothing about her father's actions that made sense, and her mother simply going along with it was almost worse. He was literally starting to see red...
If Brain's father was even still alive, Tox vowed to himself that if he ever got off this island the first thing he was going to do was pay that man a visit...
His rage was becoming overpowering, and in the very back of his mind Tox knew this was not what Brain needed him to feel right now. The sudden absence of her hand in his, which had felt so natural he felt almost bereft when she broke the contact. His vision cleared as he saw the tears glistening on her cheeks just before she buried her face in her hands. Every feeling of anger and fury left him in a rush as he felt his heart contract. He stared at her, taking in her posture and knowing that what he had asked her to do had been almost not worth the price. In that moment, there was no hesitation when it came to his feelings for her, he simply acted.
"Hey, hey," he said as he got up and sat down on the very edge of her crate right next to her, wrapping his arms around her, loosely so as not to startle her too bad, "Listen to me, Abigail, I'm glad you told me, and you need to know that those things your father said are so far from being true. I don't know what could have possessed him to do those things, but...nothing like that will ever happen to you again." He could feel his face flushing as he realized he had been about to say that he would never allow anything like that to happen to her, and it was an even bigger surprise that he knew that was the truth.
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Posted: 9/7/2018 at 5:15 PM
Post #130
It was out in the open, and Brain couldn't take it back. All of the pain she had felt as a child, everything she'd wanted to scream to the world at the top of her lungs when she was at her lowest points, when she'd hit rock bottom and want nothing more than to collapse. There were only a handful of times in her life when she had felt like that, but they were awful, and she wished she could erase them from her memory, but alas. Like... Like when her father died.
"He's dead," she announced involuntarily, hands still on her face. She froze for a second after that; she had never actually said it out loud, had she? No, thinking back on the eight years since the incident, she realized that she hadn't.
But she was being helpless, and there was absolutely nothing she hated more than feeling helpless. It took her a second to process Tox's arms around her, but when she did, her heart sped up. She wanted to turn into him, all of a sudden. She wanted to accept the comfort, to be held as she openly cried for the first time in her life. The ache to bury into him was almost suffocating, and she was truly struggling with herself.
'Get over yourself.'
She jerked, taking her hands off of her face and wiping furiously at her cheeks. "No, no, I know th-that," she protested. "I've always kn-known. But..." she looked away, not leaning into him, and at the same time, not pulling away. "He knew where to strike in his insults. I'm...not a smart person, alright? My mother didn't quite get clean... ever. I had a lot of p-problems when I was born. I... I grew up with a learning d-disability. I can't help getting sensitive about it. I'm sorry. I know I've y-yelled at you about it before," she sighed and closed her eyes again.
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