When the night grows cold,
You're all I can think about,
When the darkness grows stronger,
The thought of you calms the room.
It's safe to say,
That we are attached somehow,
Like the sun and the moon,
Forever going 'round.
The darkness grows stronger,
The night grows cold,
I can see you moving closer,
Stalking me like prey.
Chills up my spine,
Fear for my life,
It's safe to say,
This may be my last time.
Your hair glistens in the darkness,
Your fangs ever so bright,
The spot on my neck,
Still hurts from that bite.
Slowly fading away,
As the sun turns to the moon,
My spirit is broken,
My heart in two.
You whisper a soft melody,
A sorrowful sounding tune,
I know this is my end,
And I shouldn't have gave in.
But your bite caresses me,
I can't get enough,
If this is the way I go,
I just want you to know.
I wasn't in pain,
I had gladly agreed,
To be his next meal,
To be his next feast.
(If I pinged you then I would like to know your thoughts. I've been writing a lot of morbid sonding poems lately and just thought I would share it with you guys. I would like it if you could tell me how to improve and from a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being worst 10 being best) How well I did.)
Crystal25152
Level 66
The Kind-Hearted
Joined: 8/31/2013
Threads: 365
Posts: 8,887
Posted: 4/21/2014 at 10:07 PM
Post #2
8/10
Pretty good. :)
Ahiyan
Level 60
Trickster
Joined: 11/19/2013
Threads: 20
Posts: 2,568
Posted: 4/21/2014 at 11:28 PM
Post #3
Hmmm can't tell you where to improve... I'm bad at poems overall.... I guess maybe a 5-10/10... I can't put my finger on the scale
Metalwolfgemstone
Level 61
Stocking Stuffer
Joined: 3/27/2014
Threads: 124
Posts: 2,193
Posted: 4/22/2014 at 3:48 AM
Post #4
I like it! =3 I haven't written a poem in a long time though X_x
Coradrawa
Level 60
Trickster
Joined: 6/7/2013
Threads: 154
Posts: 6,643
Posted: 4/22/2014 at 3:50 AM
Post #5
9/10
It has a good structure and clear meaning but I feel something just slightly off and I can't think what
Either way it's very good...
Kitsumetails
Level 60
The Artistic
Joined: 11/28/2013
Threads: 18
Posts: 576
Posted: 4/22/2014 at 3:43 PM
Post #6
You did good! I'm not good at poems, and I don't really like to read them, but your imagery was beautiful and vivid. You have a great writing style. 9/10
Laptopfullofmusic
Level 16
Joined: 12/7/2013
Threads: 4
Posts: 562
Posted: 4/22/2014 at 8:16 PM
Post #7
i love it!it's really good i love poetry.
Sarahbug1020
Level 39
Fancy Pants
Joined: 11/13/2013
Threads: 17
Posts: 2,371
Posted: 4/22/2014 at 10:56 PM
Post #8
Thank you guys very much! It means a lot to me... I just want to let you all know that you are going to be the same people everytime that I ping when I write a poem... Dontcha feel loved! =3
Coradrawa
Level 60
Trickster
Joined: 6/7/2013
Threads: 154
Posts: 6,643
Posted: 4/23/2014 at 6:53 AM
Post #9
YAY! I'm loved XD
Crystal25152
Level 66
The Kind-Hearted
Joined: 8/31/2013
Threads: 365
Posts: 8,887
Posted: 4/23/2014 at 9:26 AM
Post #10
Aw, sure. XD LOL! Seems like both of you have already written something except for me. XD I might post something....
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