I don't know if this is an appropriate place to let some stuff out, but frankly, I just need to write right now. If anyone were to write back, I'd appreciate it, but this is more about letting out in a place where someone might listen.

I have depression. I have attempted in the past. I have been committed to a psychiatric hospital in the past. I still don't know what to do. There's just so many things that I really need to do, but I can't force myself to do any of the aforementioned things. High school makes me highly uncomfortable. It makes me think that I am a lazy piece of crap because I can't get all of my work done. Then I go to the psychologist. They say that it's just the depression talking, telling me that it's okay to not get things done. Then I have to go on medication that should be helping me, but really does nothing other make me tired all the time.

Then I catastrophize the situation, and freak because I think that if I can't complete my work, I'm never going to succeed in life. Apparently that's the depression talking too.

It really scares me; I'm nervous that my entire personality is just depression. I don't have any friends in real life, because I am odd. I don't enjoy "normal" things. The only things that I enjoy are day dreaming, books, video games, and tabletop roleplaying. I'm not even allowed to see the people in my roleplaying group outside of our meetings, because I'm the youngest person there.

I don't know what to do. I'm in a constant state of discontentedness, and I feel like I've already tried everything to get out of that funk that's been recommended. I try really, really hard to be a happy optimistic person on this website, but sometimes it's just too tiring. That said, I love all of you guys for the little bit of joy that you can bring to my life. Thank you all so much. I just wish that I could give you all hugs and be your real friends and see if I could try to be the joy in someone else's life too, for a change...

Hey, you kind of sound like a character in a book I've recently read called "It's Kind of a Funny Story". Maybe you could read it and feel better. ^.^
I wish you well! Stay strong! Stay safe! Stay happy!

I don't know what I could say that would help you feel better but in some ways I do know what it is like to feel depressed. It's like there is this dark fog in your mind and it takes SO much energy sometimes to try and push it out of the way long enough to muddle through the day.

Have you ever seen the movie "What About Bob"? In the movie Bob's therapist gives him a book called "Baby Steps" and in it it describes how to take little step to get tasks done during the day. Don't think about all the steps you need to take to go home, for example, but rather focus on what needs to be done to get out of the room, then the hallway and so on and forget the rest until you get to it.

Maybe this is what you could try, just take..."baby steps" so the day itself doesn't get to you and squish you flat.
I don't know...that darkness is stifling, isn't it? And there will always be those who try to dismiss what you feel so maybe it is a good idea not to rely so much on what others say but to acknowledge what you are feeling then take pragmatic steps on how to counter it. You know, figure out how many cups of espresso you need just to deal with math class or biology. (or maybe how many pots of espresso)

Sorry, don't mean to sound all "preachy adult" on you. I just wish you well and PLEASE don't let it all get to you..I know it stinks like yesterdays gym socks but take it slow and don't let that fog engulf you totally.

I bet you feel better when you're here though, right? I know I do.

Venting is good. Some people vent to plants. Others to pets. Some to people. Others to inanimate objects. (i vent to myself, kinda strange. or i vent to my friends, but mostly myself)

"High school makes me highly uncomfortable. It makes me think that I am a lazy piece of crap because I can't get all of my work done." You are definitely not alone in this feeling. I've met numerous fellow highschoolers who feel this way. I feel this way sometimes. Just because you can't get your work done dosn't mean that you are lazy. You could just not feel up to doing it, which is perfectly fine. (i have this feeling that i'll never be completely done doing things ever.) The importiant thing about your work is that you understand, and are learning, i suppose, and also at least trying. Based off of what you said, you are trying, but are having a hard time when the depression chooses to pounce upon you.

Antidepressants have tons of crazy potential side effects. One is that the antidepressant can make you more depressed. (the horrible irony) I guess a solution could be to learn how to cope with depression? But I have no idea how one would learn that, sounds like it would take an overflow of time and effort.

Freaking out about the whole "never going to suceed in life" scenario is also common seeming. when this group of collage grads stopped by my health class as speakers about collage drugs, they said that thy had often been worried that they would end up like one of those people from the drug stories. (on a unrelated note, i've often had daydreams about possible outcomes for the future, and possible outcomes if the past had been different, but mainly about the future)

I'm not entirely sure what you mean by "normal" things, sinve normal is defined by the viewer. I define "normal" as what seems to be society's averages. I find that the people who claim to be normal are the oddest of all to me. Where I live, it's very diverse, and there are tons of people, so you are bound to find a person with similar interests if you even just say "hi". (i'm guessing it's not like this for you?) One of my friends moved recently to an area where evryone is as if a clone of eachother, and they find anything outside of their bubble horrible and weird. She told me about how its kinda difficult to fit in with such a small, like-minded community. (she ended up doing the whole "chameleon" approach, blending in and finding the few people who happened to also be blending)

I guess you could just try and talk to people, but thats proabably out of your comfort zone, and based off of what you said, they've already labeled you as "weird". Talking to people is hard, you never know what their reaction will be, and others can cause them to go from agreeing with you to disbelieving you completely.

As far as I've seen you here, you've been an exceedingly optimistic/cheerful player.

Whenever I feel awkard/uncomfortable in a scoial situation, I find that making puns helps to warm people up to me. (then again, ive been telling puns since i learned what a pun was when i was 3, so puns are like tapping my foot to me, i can do without, but i feel awkward and horrible without my pun layer)

Sorry if this seems kinda rant-ey or somthing, I just kinda want evryone to feel content in a way, which is impossible. Also, I hope I didn't offend you or somthing. People seem to get offended when I do speechy things, which is why I normally don't say much. (like the speech i gave on ocean pollution, i listed 3 reasons with 2 supports per a reason, and someone still asked me why throwing crap (literally and figuratively) into the ocean is bad, and got upset when i awnsered them)

Thanks, Uranium. No, you didn't offend me. I just find it so kind of you to offer your support and advice.

As I am going through depression myself, I recommend listening to songs that relate to your problem. (Sad songs) this helps me a lot because I can relate to someone or something; even if it is just a song.

I'm sorry you have to go through it, depression is the worst :/ I hope you make it and everything will turn out wonderful for you.