So. I have a family problem that is causing me quite a bit of stress and sadness.
Im writing in here to get a bit of feedback, but if anyone is stressed too, or dont have the capacity to handle other peoples problems (aka me), please dont feel obliged to do anything.

My problem;
I am spending christmas at my dads this year, which would be very nice, if it wasn't for his complete inability to clean up anywhere in his house.
I get really stressed about this, cause i really cannot live in a messy and dirty house for very long. It drains me of energy, and leaves me sad and angry.
Me and the rest of my family have tried to help him clean up before, and even succeeded a couple of times, but he can never keep it clean. Any attemtps at hiring anyone to do the cleaning for him/us, never gets past the first phonecall, because we cant afford it.

I, specifically, haven't really talked to him about this, cause i dont want to stress him more, or make him sad.

I dont know wheather to tell him??? Or just grit my teeth and keep going through christmas??

I realise this sound kind of minor, with my problem being 'just' a messy home, but it really bothers me. Last time i came home from his place, i had to take a day off work, cause i was so stressed and depressed.

Pls help

idk what you should do...sadly my room is a mess as in you cant see the flour.

but i dont wanna clean it because its my sisters mess not mine.

P.S. i share a room with my sis.

This might be a bit of a strange question, but do you have OCD? I have had a friend in the past that was like this and she had OCD. I am asking this because it is an important distinction to make. Also, you should probably talk to you dad. If you offer to help, and tell him how much it bothers you, and why it bothers you, hopefully he will listen.

thats very smart

You should tell him
Try to meet halfway with him maybe ( such as not eating in certain rooms, keeping certain rooms clean, or set it so that he has to do a basic limit for cleaning up after himself.)

I am not very good at advice, so sorry if this isn't very good

I've had this issue with my family as well. My grandmother is a strong hoarder due to her disabilities and from her depression from dealing with my half-sister's abuse towards her.
I've willingly spent a few christmases over at her house to keep her company even if the conditions got bad enough to make me end up booking a hotel so I wouldn't have to sleep in filth.
In these circumstances, it's hard to deal with a family member like this and can be really stressful. A lot of the time, most you can do is try to help them, either by guiding them to therapy/medical professionals/care workers or helping clean up a bit (even if it doesn't last, it might put you more at ease while you're there.)
Money unforunately can be an issue when it comes to dealing with housekeepers or any kind of professional but if it is to a point that someone is unable to take care of themselves (especially if elderly), most states (in the US) do have public resources.

And to the person that suggested OCD, no. Stop. That's a stereotype and doesn't always apply to someone not wanting to be around an extremely messy place, ffs.
OCD in some cases can actually **cause** hoarding due to the mental dysfunction it causes, especially if it's comorbid with depression/anxiety.

@Korliss , no i dont have OCD, im just used to a relatively clean livingspace, and big messes bother me quite a bit.

Hi everyone, thanks for all your advice.
A bit of an update. Me and my sister have cleaned our bedroom for the stay, and we(with my brother) have made a bit of progress in the kitchen. My brother however, has just posted a really angry criticism of me and my sister, on our familys facebook messenger group, so i dont get much choice in discussing it with my father. Not looking forward to it, and im kind of angry/frustrated that my brother felt like he had to hang me and my sister out like that, but oh well, nothing to do about it now....
Thanks for your advice anyway, especially Xedite, its nice to know others have had the same problems :)

I am sorry, I didn't mean to stereotype. I just wanted to be sure, because being OCD can cause great distress to people, and I have seen a friend have a panic attack due to being OCD, so I want to be sure about that before giving advice. I have only really personally seen one side of the disorder, where a friend of mine is super orderly and hates being around things that seem out of place. I truly didn't mean to stereotype or offend. I understand that not all OCD is the same, but I asked from a place of concern.

No worries, it just bothered me in the moment since it's just disturbingly common in my experience that people use OCD to relate to a preference for cleanliness/order and find it trivializes a lot of what the disorder really *is* and I had assumed that was what you were referring to.
I've had several friends with it where it has been an absolutely different experience is all.

@Fawncactuslover
Sorry to hear you've been put on the spot like this, but I hope everything works out for you. Some times it's hard to have these conversations, especially with loved ones, but it's good if it means there's a way to improve their lives and help them where they may be struggling the most. Good luck!