I'd really appreciate it if you leave comments on my stories or tips on how I could improve:)

So, I'll just dump some stories here from time to time. Feel free to critique any of them. Btw, they aren't that descriptive I'd have to say. And one more quick thing, if you dislike main characters dying....don't read my stories. Because most die in the end.

The first story I have to share is called 'Fear'. I suggest not reading this if you have depression, or anything like it, because the whole story is about it. I don't really know much about depression, so this is probably not going to be an accurate representation of it. I made this mini-story because it was an assignment in English at school. (And somehow my teacher allowed me to write this)

Btw, sorry if this story is offensive to anyone. (Idk if it might be)


Fear

Emerald walked home from school, her long blonde hair waving in the wind. Her emerald green eyes shining from the sunlight. She put up her hood, that was connected to her black coat. She was wearing blue jeans, with her white winter boots on. She took long strides, due to her being 5 feet and 9 inches tall. "I never thought I could've done that." Emerald thought aloud. "Let's just hope they aren't going to bully me even more," Emerald continued, still thinking aloud. Emerald had yelled at a group of bullies for bullying her friend, now she thought they would hurt her more. Emerald looked behind herself and caught a glimpse of something. She stopped and turned her whole body towards it. It looked like a giant, pitch-black figure. It was at least 8 feet tall, Emerald had estimated. Wha-what are you? Emerald said, stuttering. The figure just stood there, doing nothing. It had no shape besides a rock look. Emerald started backing up, then turned around and broke out into a run, wanting to get home as quickly as possible.

Emerald reached home, and ran into her room. Her mom and dad weren't home yet, they were still at work. She shut her bedroom door and sat down. She was panting and sweating heavily. What was that? Emerald thought. I don't think it followed me. Emerald thought again, her breath slowing down. When she finally finished calming down, she stood up, took off her backpack, coat, then took off her boots. She took out a folder that held her homework, and set it down on a desk that was in her room. She sat down in a chair by the desk and opened her folder. Sitting in the folder was a few pieces of paper that had been drawn on with a sharpie. The sharpie said some things like, Go die, and No one loves you. Emerald looked at the papers, and as she did, a dark figure was creeping up behind her.

Emerald shut the folder, and stood up, oblivious to the figure behind her. She looked up from the desk and saw writing on the wall. She read it, confused about how it got there. It said, Lil Demon, What the heck is a Lil Demon? Emerald thought. She looked at the writing a minute longer, before turning around and seeing the large, black figure again. This time, she saw it even clearer, she noticed it was wearing a pitch-black cloak. Its eyes were blue and dull. Like they were empty. Emerald felt fear, pain, and sadness engulf her as she looked into the eyes of the being. She backed up slowly but tripped on her backpack. She hit her head on the desk and went unconscious.

Emerald awoke in a forest and looked around. It seemed to be dark, she looked at her watch and found it was 10:00 P.M. She rubbed her head, a bump being where she was hit. What happened? And most importantly, where am I? Emerald thought as she stood up, still a little woozy from hitting her head. She leaned against a tree, having trouble standing. Emerald started walking slowly, ducking under all the branches. I need to find a way out of here. Then a way home Emerald thought, before tripping over a root. She hit the ground, making her feel even worse. She rolled onto her back and groaned. I just want to go home! Emerald thought. She stood up after a few seconds of lying down. She leaned against a tree, and wiped her nose, then found it was bleeding. She continued walking, this time being even more cautious. She looked at the trees around her and found writing on them. She found that all of them had writing on them. How hadn't I noticed that before? Emerald thought. She walked over to the closest tree and read what was on it. The writing on the tree said, Ugly, fat, pimple face, rat... and a few more that shouldn't be said. Emerald looked at the trees around her and found that all had similar writing. As she read what the other trees said, she heard the snap of a stick behind her.

Emerald whipped around and saw the giant, pitch-black figure again. She looked at the eyes of it again and felt the same emotions. Pain, fear, anger, sadness, and more that she hated feeling. Then, she finally realized who Lil Demon was. It was the large black figure standing in front of her. She tried to look away from the eyes, but no matter how much she struggled, she couldn't. Then, Lil Demon transformed into one of her school bullies. The bully was 6 feet, with long dirty blonde hair. The bully wore a black hoodie, with blue jeans, and black tennis shoes. The bully's name was Heather. Heather, or Lil Demon, walked towards Emerald, with a wide grin on its face. Emerald backed up but hit a tree. She stayed by the tree, still looking at Lil Demon. She wanted to run, but couldn't. Then, Lil Demon was right in front of her. Lil Demon, still looking like Heather, had the same eyes it did before. Then, Lil Demon transformed back to normal. It was standing right in front of Emerald, its hot breath on her face. She couldn't see anything, only an empty void. And those eyes, those terrible eyes that made her remember everything the bullies had done. But, one memory was the worst of them all.

Emerald stood in front of her desk. This was only 8th grade. There was writing on the desk, Go die. End your life. Youre useless. No one loves you. And even more thats too harsh to be said. There was a doll that looked like Emerald, with needles stuck into it. The teacher wouldnt have done anything because they didnt care. Thats when the bullying started. Emerald didnt even know what she did to deserve that.

Emerald felt tears start rolling down her face. Then, Emerald finally had the strength to pull her eyes away, and ran to the right. She ran until she couldnt see Lil Demon, then she ran a little more. She didnt care if she tripped, if she got hit by branches, she just wanted to get away. Then, after running for what seemed like hours, she stopped. She was panting, and checking behind herself frantically. When she finally caught her breath, and knew that Lil Demon wasnt following her, she started walking in the same direction she had been running. I just need to get out of here, Emerald thought. At a few points, she thought she saw Lil Demon, but found out they were just rocks and wider trees then normal. This cant get any worse than it is already, Emerald thought, just wanting to go home. This is worse than school.

Just after Emerald said that, Lil Demon appeared. Lil Demon stood right in front of her, so close that she could feel the breath of it. Emerald Looked down as fast as she could, not wanting to meet those eyes again. Emerald could feel the sharp gaze of those eyes, looking at her. Lil Demon raised its hand, revealing claws. It brought the hand down, scratching Emeralds wrist. Emerald winced, tears coming into her eyes. She backed up slowly, this time being careful not to trip like she did in her room. She was hungry, tired, and scared. She backed up straight into a tree, Lil Demon staring at her still. Finally, she looked up again, meeting those eyes. The emotions engulfed her again, this time stronger, and making her feel all the pain she has ever felt in her life. Emotional, and physical. Then, she attempted to punch Lil Demon, and her attempt is frail. All the damage done was to herself. Right when it struck Lil Demon, hitting it in the gut area. She felt the punch in her stomach area, making her fall down. She wasnt even that strong, but it still hurt. Lil Demon looked down at her, pushed off its hood.

It smiled. Its face was completely black like the night. Its eyes now white with tiny pupils. Its smile stretched across its whole face. The teeth looked to be as sharp as a knife. Then, Emerald felt fear, so much fear. Like it was the only thing she had ever felt. Lil Demon pulled something out of its cloak. Emerald looked at it and found out it was a knife. Somehow, even more fear-filled her. She tried to crawl away since she was still on the ground. But Lil Demon grabbed the back of the collar and lifted her up. Lil Demon turned her head towards him, revealing that he had 4 arms, not just two arms. He held the knife up I want this to end, all end... the end...end...end, Emerald thought as she looked at Lil Demon, the emotions still there. Then, she woke up. She was in her room, lying on her bed. She looked down at her stomach. A knife. A knife was there. This was all Lil Demons work, but was Lil Demon even real? Now, it was time for her to stop feeling the pain she had felt for so long.

"The End"
"This all happened because of the bullies, because she didnt tell us. Now our little girl is gone. Well never get to see her again." The tv buzzed, as the class watched. "We wrote this book as a memorial for her. So that others will know what can happen if you dont talk about your feelings, or whats happening to you. So please, if something is happening to you, tell an adult or a friend." A woman on tv finished saying. The woman was dressed in an all-black dress, with black high heels. Her hair was long and blonde, just like Emeralds. Her eyes were emerald green, too. A man stood next to her, with the same eyes. He wore an all-black dress suit. The tv shut off in the classroom. 2 kids in the class were looking down at their desktop, all the other students looking at them. The bullies, now about to be the bullied.

The Doctor
And a quick warning, if you're gonna continue reading this mini-story, be prepared for some violence and stuff like that. And be prepared for some kidnapping, basically, a ton of crap.
Oh, and if you want to read it straight from where I write, then here's the google doc


2 large sabertooth cats cornered a small boy in the forest. The child looked to be only 10, with messy brown hair. The child wore a blue T-shirt, with blue jeans. Right when the sabertooth cats were going to attack the kid, an ear-piercing whistle was heard. The cats turned and looked towards where the sound was heard. A person stood there. It was a tall female, 6'8 in height. She wore a long black cloak that had a hood connected. She had long blonde hair and wore a black plague doctors mask. "What did you get this time?" She asked, mostly just talking to herself. She was looking at the two cats, who were now sitting down. The child was curled up into a ball, scared. The tall woman walked over to the child, her cloak fluttering in the wind. The child was pressed up against a tree. She bent down, grabbing the child's chin and turned it towards her, making the child have to get onto his knees, now not being curled up into a ball. The tall woman lifted the child up by the neck, somehow not choking him. She seemed to be examining the child. "You'll be a fine specimen. Take him to the lab." She said before throwing him over to the sabercats. The boy received a few bruises from the toss but had no time to recover. The larger sabercat bit the back of the collar on the boy's shirt and drug the boy away into the forest. The other sabercat walking behind the other one. The tall woman took out a knife and walked after the cats. On the knife was writing that said, Enza, which can be assumed as the woman's name.

Edit 1: Next paragraph
The doors swung open to the lab. The sabercats walked to a room and dropped the boy onto a chair. The cats left the room, the child had passed out from being hit on the head by a rock. The rock might've been Enza hitting the kid so it would stop screaming, but who knows? Enza walked into the room, holding a briefcase now. She opened up the briefcase, revealing a variety of tools. A few syringes were in it, some daggers for some reason, and other weapon looking things. Enza took out a syringe filled with a greenish-black formula in it. The doors to the room shut, and screams from the boy could be heard.

Edit 2: Another paragraph
The doors swung open, and Enza walked out. Her black cloak wasn't on, and instead, she wore a white button-up shirt, with blue jeans. There were blood splatters on her white shirt and a bit of blood on her mask. The boy lay on the chair, a pile of guts and blood were on the ground next to him. The boy's eyes were gouged out, blood leaking out of the holes. All of his fingers were cut off and stuck into separate jars. One finger per jar. The same had been done with his toes. His eyes were in a jar that was filled with other eyes. Go and have a snack, Enza said to the sabercats that were sitting outside the doors. The cats ran into the room and started eating the boy, splattering blood on their fur. The inside of the lab was lined with jars and tools. The jars being filled with assorted body parts. Some fingers, a few hearts, a few lungs, basically all body parts you could think of. Yes, even those parts, you dirty-minded people. The doors swung shut once more, leaving the sabercats to finish their meal.

Edit 3: Another paragraph
While the cats were eating, Enza had changed into a new pair of clothes. The same type of clothes, just a clean pair. A knock was heard from the door of the building. She walked over to the door and opened it. Standing there was a giant mob of people. Some with spears, some with pitchforks, and then some with torches. Enza smiled and pulled out her knife. The 2 sabercats walked out of the lab and to her side, baring their teeth at the mob. Enza let out an ear-piercing whistle. Right after she did, 2 falcons flew over to her and landed on her shoulders. Right after the falcons, came 2 wolves. The mob watched as this all unfolded, then finally started, Witch! Murder! Shapeshifter! Were shouted over and over again. Enza raised her hand high, then brought it down, the animals flying or running at the mob. Some ripping out throats, others clawing out eyes. The people tried to stab at the animals but found that they were too fast. In only an hour, the whole mob was dead or dying. A few tried to escape during the fight but were quickly killed. Enza walked back inside her building, her body now covered in blood. Her mask turned a dark red from the blood. The doors shut behind her once again.

Edit 4: Finally, another paragraph
Enza walked out, all of the bodies from outside having been dragged into the lab by her wolves and lions. She had harvested all the body parts she wanted from them and stored them away in jars. Her shelves inside the lab now fille with the jars. By the time she had finished harvesting, it had been around a week. Now, it was night, and she had on her usual black cloak with her black plague doctor mask. She grabbed out her knife, which she had in a pocket that was inside her cloak. She wore brown boots, with hidden knives in each. Enza walked out of the building, and into the dark forest.

Edit 5: I really need to get a schedule for when I put in new paragraphs. Btw, new chapters
Enza walked along a trail, a dagger in her hand. She wore the black plague doctors mask still, and she skipped along, this time wearing a pair of black gloves. She was smiling under her mask as she looked around the forest. She tried to smell the air, but could only smell the herbs and spices in her mask. Enza put her dagger away and made a cane appear from thin air. I'm a little rusty on my magic. I should work on it more. Enza thought, If I don't, the animals could turn on me.

Edit 6: So many edits, anyways, a new chapter.
Enza looked around herself and saw no one, then a pair of black, feathery wings flung out of her cloak. The cloak disappeared then a new one appeared on her, this time with holes that let the wings stay out with no trouble. The wings were very large, and were as tall as Enza, and twice as wide as her, even with her cloak on. She flapped her wings once, then twice, then finally, she took off. She flew over the trees and looked at everything below her. She saw a Gyrafalcon while flying, so she flew over to it. Coniungere Nobis, she said when by it. The falcon instantly flew closer to her so it was only 6 inches away from her. The falcon's eyes were a tint of brown, but they turned pitch black after Enza said that. Enza smiled and stopped flying forwards, now just hovering in the air, her wings flapping at regular intervals. Enza looked around, the falcon now having stopped. She took off her mask finally...

Edit 7: Finally, another update! Enjoy!
Enza's face was just a ball of black fire. She looked at the falcon and grabbed a knife out of her boot. She threw the knife at the falcon, which struck right into its head. It started falling, its wings flapping a few times, but they were just twitches. It finally hit the ground after falling for a few seconds. Enza looked at her mask, Evanescet. The mask then disappeared into thin air. Enza smiled, even though no one could see the smile through the black fire. Her wings stopped flapping, and she started plummeting to the ground. The speed grew faster as the milliseconds flew by. 100 feet left...95...90...80...67.32...19.5.

Edit 8: I suck at uploading regularly.
Enza flapped her wings at the last moment and landed softly. A figure flew out from behind a tree. The figure was transparent, the eyes of it were different sizes. It had a slim, girl like body. Its mouth as just a large hole and never moved. It flew around Enza quickly, then stopped in front of Enza. It had blood running down its face, the blood coming from both its eyes. Enza quickly put on her mask again, the flame from her face disappearing magically. Enza flapped her wings and quickly flew up and out of the trees. What is that doing back here!? I thought I had gotten rid of it Enza said, thinking out loud.

Edit 9: ;-; I haven't uploaded in so long ;-;
Enza landed on the ground softly. She was about a mile from a village, which she was going to. She looked around and had her wings wrap around her body. Then, they magically blended into her body, and in a few seconds, they were gone. She started speed walking to the village. Due to her being 8 foot, her legs were long. Each stride was large, making her go faster then a normal human would be. She would be there in a matter of minutes, and she would get a new subject to test on.

Edit 10: Only one more paragraph after this one.
Enza strolled into town. She looked around, confused about something. No one was in the town, it looked as tho no one had for months. She walked around, looking at shops and the market. Just as she was looking into a booth, her mask was ripped off and a bag was put onto her head. At almost the same exact time, her legs were swept out from under herself. She fell to the ground, pain flaring in her back from the fall. She gasped for air. Her hands were tied with rope, or it felt like rope at least. The same was done to her legs. This all happened in the span of about 10 seconds. She tried to rip the rope apart, but nothing worked. She tried to make a lit match appear on the rope, but it was instantly put out by someone...or something. She tried everything she could, but nothing worked. As a last attempt, she tried to make her wings sprout out and fly away. But when they came out, she had felt the cold feeling of steel, then searing pain. The pain engulfed her wings, then herself. A warm, thick liquid started to flow on her wings. Then, everything went black, and she felt the pain no more.

Edit 11: The final edit...And a terrible paragraph.
Enza woke up and found she was tied to a wooden chair. Everything was pitch black around her, but she was able to tell she was inside. Fulgur, Enza said, and floating, transparent candles appeared around the building. She looked around the room, seeing so many people. They all wore white cloaks that enclosed them like a coffin did a corpse. They wore masks that covered their eyes but left their mouths visible. Some had hoods up, while others had shaven heads and kept the hoods down. A loud and authoritative voice roared through the room, Cover her mouth before she talks more!
Instantly, a rag was tied around her mouth as she was about to say another spell. She tried to say something but was unable. The people wearing white cloaks stepped to the sides and all bowed. The bald ones kept standing but saluted. 3 figures strode through the middle of the parted people. The figures wore red cloaks and walked towards Enza in a triangle form. 2 of the figures in the back had a wide from and Enza knew they were men. The one in the middle was large and stood at 8 feet. Enza looked up at him, then realized her mask was off. But she couldnt make her head light aflame at all. The tall man smiled. But his smile was not light-hearted, it was one filled with hatred and pleasure. He took out a dagger, walked over to Enza, and with no hesitation, sliced her throat. Enzas vision went black, and yet again, all the pain was gone...for good this time...The ghost she had flown away from before flew out of her lifeless body, now free from being trapped.
(I need to stop killing off my main characters in stories)

It would probably be a good idea to reserve. So I guess this is reserved

And 1 more reserved

Okay, this is the last reserved

Woah... that second story.. my word. Um, wow. Yeah.

Awesome story, but here's me being pedantic.

1. Make your chapters excessively lengthy. Makes it seem more professional

2. Use quotation marks and correct speech stuff. So instead of...
Ezra said to her sabres go eat
try...
"Go eat!" Ezra growled to her half-starved Sabres, "You'll be needing the food for the next round of specimens...".

I am pedantic >.<

Anyway yeah. But tbh I am kinda being a hypocrite bcuz I can't even do number 1 XD I can do it for the first 3 chapters and then my brain goes off to wonderland...

Thanks so much for all the tips! Making long chapters are tough for me because then I grow bored quickly (I'm a fantastic author) Sarcasm through text, yay. Ive never been good at details, but I should probably just slow down when I write.
Thanks again for the tips, Ill definitely use them in the future!

Yep same. I get bored of writing the anything apart from the climax and the beginning of the stories. :sigh: and Sarcasm through writing is 'fun'. XD

To be honest I should also use my tips in the future XD