Here are a few stories of life with irrelevant morrals, as told by me. Please enjoy and feel free to comment here!

Okay. Storytime.

I don't tell many people, but I have a (kinda) famous uncle. I won't say who, though, because I'm 90% sure none of you watch bodybuilding.

We went to a Mexican place for dinner one night while he was in town. I just happen to personally know the daughter of the owner of said Mexican place, and for some reason my mom brought it up to my uncle.

I thought it was no big deal at first. Then the waitress came and asked if we needed anything. I guess somebody at the table complained they were hot, because my uncle asked the waitress if she could lower the AC. However, he also told her that he knew the owner in a threating tone.

After the waitress leaves, I look at him and tell him to stop guilt tripping the waiters, because none of us actually know the owner (Again, I just know the guy's daughter). He replies by saying that we might get free desert, and I retaliate by saying I don't really want desert (which I didn't; That Mexican place has really good rice).

So the waitress comes out with our food, and my uncle again 'reminds' the her that he knows the owner. Embarassed, I quickly tell her that we don't know the owner and that she doesn't have to feel obligated to dish out free desert or other priviliges.

Moral of the story: If your friend knows someone improtant, don't put them on the stop. It's awkward for everyone.

Storytime.

So, We have a mini van, one of those big fancy ones with the built in wifi, touchscreen, seatwarmers, big windows, etc. Antoher feature is the remote instead of keys which the car can detect. Remember that, It'll come up again.

So me and my mom and sisters all got in the car one day and drove to the pool and swam for a couple hours. By the time we got out, it was dinner, so mom went home so she could grab her phone to get free goodies at Chick-fil-a (If you've never been there, you my friends are missing out!). So she drove back to the house and left us in the car with the engine running and came back a moment later with her phone.

We went to get our meals to go, but on the way back, the gas tank was running low. Naturally, we stopped for gas. When mom went to start the engine after refueling, however, the touchscreen notified us that the keys weren't in the car.

Well, we searched the entire car, but there was no sign of the keys anywhere. We then realized that mom had left them in the house when she went to get her phone.

We were stranded.

Fortunately, We called the neighbor to run into the house and get the keys for us.

Moral of this story: Never leave the house with out your keys, especially if you have a car with remote keys.

Storytime.

So, facr about me, I am a bit afraid of heights. Like, a little timid.

There's this ride called Mach Tower in an amusemnt park the family tries to visit each summer. I finally mustered up enough courage to go on it. Basically, it slowly takes you up, suspends you for a moment... then suddenly drops.

To make myself feel better about it, I tried a bit of exaggeratedly dark humor. As the guy who checks the safety harnesses came around, I asked "Has anyone ever died on this?"

He gives me a strange look and says "No. What's your name?" I told him my name, and that's when I realized something.

This guy was going to tease me.

So, the ride starts, and I'm halfway up, I'm feeling a bit light in the stomach, and then I hear my name called over a speaker. There's no way the guy could've heard me at this point because how high up I was, but I tell him to shut up anyway. It went like this:

"*My name*"
"...Shut up."
"Hey, *My name*."
"Shut UP."
"You're not eveen halfway up. Crazy, right?"
"SHUT UP!!!"

So, moral of the story, don't give your name to workers at the amusement park.

Storytime

I love birds. I birdwatch, have birdfeeders in the backyard, by starter sylesti is a bird, my beloved pet Solo is a bird... Love 'em.

So, Me and Mom went birdwatching with a group of more experianced birders. Mom decided to make herself look good in front of the birders, so she tried adapt bird calls into words. For example, the barred owl says 'Who-cooks-for-you', the chickadee says 'Cheeeeeseburger', the cardinal says 'Prudy-purdy-purdy', and so on. The only problem is that mom thinks all small birds go 'Wichit-wichet-wichet'.

When she reported the 'Wichit-wichit-wichet' to the experianced birder, the birder got excited and said "Oh! That must be a common yellowthroat!"

The common yellowthroat, the only bird that says 'Wichit-wichit-wichit', is quite rare where I live, so obviously the whole group got excited.

Except me, because I heard Mom's 'wichit-wichit-wichit' and it was actually the 'Purdy-purdy-purdy' of a cardinal. I know because cardinals are literally everywhere around where I live and I hear them everyday.

I never told them this.

Moral of the story: 'Purdy-purdy-purdy' does not equal 'Wichit-wichit-wichit'

It's that time again. It's Storytime!

I attend this scouting camp of sorts, and it's sorta like Girl Scouts but without the drama and the dry cookies. We sell See's chocolate bars, and instead of drama we have nerd-out sessions. Practically perfect for me.

Anyway, every year, the lassies of my age group go on two campouts; one in the winter and one in the spring. On each camp out, me and a couple put on a little skit known as 'The Metacrane'. It was scripted by one of my friends, and it goes something like this:

Once upon a time, there were two farmers. After a long day of working in the feilds, they decided to sleep outside, since it was such a wonderful night out. So, after getting everything set up, the dozed off in the feilds.

Suddenly, the Metacrane appeared. The Metacrane was a terrifying yet pretty self-explanitory beast with a lust for destruction. With a mighty cry, the Metacrane burned the farmhouse to the ground and flew away.

The cry of the Metacrane alerted the two farmers, who quickly ran off to seek help. They made their way to a wise old man in the woods. After explaining their situation, the old man replied, "Here's what you must do. You need to dig a ditch--"

Before the old man could finish his instructions, the two eagar farmers had already taken off to carry out the task. After many long hours of digging the pit, the two exhausted farmers went to sleep, resting easy in the knowledge that they would be safe from the Metacrane.

That night, the Metacrane returned. And this time, he was hungry.

The Metacrane stalked through the feilds and casually hopped over the ditch. He was twenty feet tall and had wings, so it wasn't an issue. Upon reaching the farmers (Who had to sleep in the feild again, seeing as the house was destroyed), The Metacrane bent down and gobbled up one of them. Since one human is more than enough for a Meracrane to eat at one sitting, the beast made his exit, planning to come back for the other tomorrow night.

When the remaining farmer awoke and found his friend missing, he decided to storm back into the forest and give the old man a piece of his mind.

Upon hearing the famer's complaint about the didtch doing nothing to stop the Metacrane, the old man sighed and rolled his eyes. "If you had waited for me finish, this wouldn't have happened. Now listen. After you dig the ditch, you need to capture a loon (That's a type of waterfowl, and Metacranes can't resist them.) and feed it lots of sugar. Then you put that loon in the ditch and wait for the Metacrane to come along and gobble it up. Understand?"

The farmer set right to it, determined avenge his very dead companion. That same night, the Metacrane returned to finish what he had started.

At least, until he saw a rather plump (And fidgity, due to the sugar) loon in the ditch. Tempted by the little bird, he bent over and gobbled it up.

And he almost instantly dropped dead.

Now you may be wondering why I'm telling you this. But just remember...

The moral of the story is, "A loon full of sugar makes the Metacrane go down."