This is just a forum for me to tell experiences Ive had in my life, which, my life is fairly normal, but funny stuff still happens


Im on mobile so Ill fix formatting when I get to my computer

Ms sales call

So, Im with my aunt, whom Ill call A, and her roommate, who is like an aunt to me (Ive known her my whole life) Who will be called M. M is an art teacher and the good kind of crazy, like, the really fun kind. Were all in the back yard with their two chickens, Abigail and Stella, Im sitting in a lawn chair, Abigail is trying to eat my turkey sub, and M is sitting in a lawn chair a few feet behind me, and her phone rings.

She picks it up and the call goes something like this (M is her, SC is the sales call)
(Keep in mind M has a slight accent, not sure where from but it sounds kind of new yorkish, like, she says all like auwl if you get the idea, and she says everything in this phone call in a dead serious, but sometimes loud voice, all witha completely straight face)

M: Hello?
SC: Hello, would you be interested in getting new windows anytime soon?
M: Oh yes! I really need windows to keep the flies out
M: Im visiting my friends in Kenya and theres so many flies I need windows to keep them out
M: Im living in a dung hut in Kenya, OH! And also I need water, can you bring, like, a bunch of water, theres no water here and theres a bunch of starving children, so bring food too
SC: What kind of food...?
M: Rice! You need to bring rice, and water, make sure you bring water, we need lots of water
SC: and how many windows do you need, two? Three? Five?
M: *dramstically yelling* TWO! I need TWO WINDOWS! To keep all the flies out! Im living in a dung hut in Nairobi visiting my friends, youre bringing water too right?
SC: Okay, got it, and whats your name?
M: Cornelia Cordelia.
SC: *laughing slightly* what?
M: Its Cornelia. Cordelia. Im named after my grandmother, shes Italian.
M: Alright, so I need you to take some notes now, get a pen and paper
M: So Im going to need- Are you writing this down?!
(At this point Im in tears Im laughing to hard, Abigail was scared off by me and was now with A, Who was feeding her bugs, A was also laughing quietly, partially from the phone call, partially from watching me completely lose it)
M: I need TWO windows, and I need- youre writing this down right? Youre getting all this? I need Two windows and water.
SC: (actually writing it down) Okay, and are you the homeowner?
M: No! The Maasai warrior is! Im in a dung hut visiting my friends in Nairobi.

From there the phone call sort of ended, she never actually ended up getting the two windows for her dund but, but she did get some water from the kitchen.

2-Dateline

So, I work down at the beach during the summer, and I don't know how many of you have seen dateline, but its a show about murder basically. One episode, I don't remember the name, is about a man and his girlfriend who try to hire a hitman to kill the man's wife.

Characters
K: My coworker, a younger woman, not sure how old but probably in her college years
P: Other coworker, much older, probably in her 60-70s, honestly the sweetest person ever
A: My boss, she's awesome, kind of hates all the customers but is a good business owner
SB: the causer of the incident, absolute psycho
IB: SB's husband, currently in prison

So, it's a normal day, my co-worker who worked closest to me was on lunch. (There's one large counter space in the shape of a square in the middle of the pavillion, and it's separated by a wall with a half-door in the middle, P and K work and sell badges up front, me and my buddy work in the back, cleaning and opening lockers.

It was a slower day, so I'm chillin in the back, and I hear K talking to a rather annoyed sounding customer. P was out somewhere, possibly in the bathroom, but I'm not sure. Anyways, I'm overhearing something like K saying "M'am you can't do that it's illegal" it's about this time that P comes back, and you could hear the :) in her friendly "Hello" as P had not exactly realized what was happening. A few minutes later the woman was shrieking saying A said she would walk her onto the beach. After she starts screaming, I hear K stand up, slamming her hands on the counter demanding the woman leaves, then turns to P telling her 'Call the police, now!" after attempting to contact A, who was dealing with a different situation.

So later, I learned that SB was on an episode of Dateline, her husband was committing fraud of some sort, which is why she's incredibly rich. She was blackmailing her husband, saying if he didn't sign everything over to her, she'd go to the police and get him arrested. So, her husband, IB, and his girlfriend attempted to hire a hitman to have her killed so they could get divorced without losing everything. SB had been handing off badges (Illegal, makes us lose lots of money)