With Carrot


Here I'm just going to be posting weird and wondrous tales about Carrot's life, because gosh darn it I have a life, at least I like to believe so. lol. Yeah, who are we kidding I really have no life.

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I always haven't been the most open person about things, and I feel like I should be honest with you guys. At the time of writing this I've tried to write this a bunch of different ways different times.

January-March 2014:
At this time I was in 6th grade and I was doing pretty good. It was one of the better times in my life and I was doing good. I was fine. I lost most my friends during that time. Everyone talked to me less and less, and honestly I sunk into a really dark place. At one point I thought I was going to commit suicide. It was really hard for me to get overthat with almost no one to talk to, and no one to check up on me.

Summer 2014:
This is the time I learn I really dislike my family. We go on a vacation and I'm blamed for almost everything going wrong. I make one friend that summer and she was always the one to reassure me it was going to be okay. I spent a lot of nights at her house because of my parents.

September 2014:
I start 7th grade with nearly 0 friends since my one friend was in another grade below me. My grades go down, and I spend more and more time alone. Until one day I was on Google hangouts and I met someone. They always seemed to like to listen to me, they talked to me, they always made sure I was okay.

November 2014-April 2015:
I make some friends. I'm pretty much friends with them until the end of the school year until one of them started rumors about me and they all took their side. I was once again left with no friends.

May 2015:
At this time I only thought about two things: was anyone going to like me, and what was my point of living.
My mom started verbally abusing me. I would ask her if I could buy a new pair of jeans, and she would respond, "You have some in your room", and when I insisted they were too small because they were a couple years old she would say, "Maybe we need to go on a diet than".
This is the second time I had though about death and ending my life. Everyone said it was going to be okay, but when was it going to be okay? Next week, month, year, 5 years? For me I thought it was never going to get better, but I managed to stick it out. I even managed to make one more friend.

Summer 2015:
I still had those 2 friend younger than me. I had stayed at her house a lot. By the end of summer I stopped hanging out with her because she was a pretty bad influence. We had always hung out walking around until 2 am. She had a lot of friends drinking/doing drugs underage and that wasn't what I was going to be around. The most recent friend though was still in the picture.

September 2015:
This point in time I became very ill for about the next six months. I had the first medicine and it made me so sick I would throw up all my liquids and become dehydrated. The next medicine was non effective and it did not make me sick since I had a strong pill that they use for under going chemo. I switch back to the original medicine with the small pill and I get sort of better.
Im stil sick but I do not have the same disease. They test me for mono, celiac, cancer, and many other things. Finally they said I should go diary free to see if that was the problem, because the medical test had too many papers for them to fill out.
I also gain a lot of weight because potatoes were the only thing that didn't make me throw up.

Spring 2016:
I meet some new people and start having more activities to go to. It occupies myself and I slowly become better.

Summer 2016:
Something washes over me that I can't even get up some days. I have no intent of getting up in the morning. I slowly don't have intent on playing the internet. Everyone I try to talk to I feel like doesn't like me at all. I withdraw myself from people.

Now:
Im doing better but im not always doing so great. Some days I still want to gag because of how I feel im perceived. Some days are better than others, it's a balance. I still feel sick inside and occasionally feel like no one cares. But im doing a lot better now.


Im sorry you had to see this :( but I feel like I should be more honest so people can understand me and I can understand them.

Ok actuall really proud of myself for posting it this time. It was really hard trying no to delete all of it. I wrote this so many times but stopped because I just got so angry with myself.

:( once again sorry you had to see it.