Can I be added onto the Pinglist? Thanks! ^^

Absolutely. The chapter should be up by noon ^^

Here is the first chapter! Judging for best entry and double prizes will occur after two more chapters have been posted (eg. this chapter will be judged after chapter 3 is released)

On a side note, I have had issues with mobile devices removing quotation marks and apostrophes. This seems to be the case with this chapter. I apologize, but I promise I know what quotations marks are.

The questions for this chapter are:
1. Do you believe this is a good beginning? On a scale of 1-10, how interested are you after reading the first chapter?
2. Should this chapter have been shorter? Longer?

In addition to these questions, please pick two questions from General Questions.


As origin stories go, mine isnt terrible. No radioactive spiders, no incredible invention, not even a failed science experiment.
On second thought, it might actually be related to that last one, though the experiment didnt necessarily fail, per say
It might surprise some people to hear that Im only superhuman because I got beat up and then got incredibly lucky. Or unlucky, depends on who you ask. I was in the right place, at the right time. Pure chance.
It started at school, on a May afternoon. I wasnt in a good mood, to say the least. Everything that could go wrong had indeed gone wrong, from particularly annoying teachers to overzealous students slamming into each other in the halls like they were playing a game of bumper cars.
This would normally just be a bad day. Id go home and sleep, wind down for a while, listen to music a little too loud, and wait for my dad to get home from the hospital. Maybe punch a pillow a few times and scream. But it turns out this was the day Preston Hille decided to pick a fight.
To be honest, Id been wanting to kick Prestons******since middle school. He acts exactly like someone named Preston would act, pompous and full of himself. Hes got a group of people even dumber than him, with names like Aiden and Parker, that he causes trouble with. Pretty much the high school stereotype of beefed up bullies.
The dismissal bell had just rung, and I was on my way to the bus stop when I saw Owen Davis chatting with Preston and his circle of friends.
Now, this might be a normal sight to anyone but me. I knew Owen, and I knew him well. He was one of my best friends, after all. He was the type to get along with everyone, and I mean everyone. You could stick him in a room with a serial killer, and while Owen might not agree with what hed done, hed just smile and chat about the weather without a care in the world. Which was probably why he was hanging out with Preston and his friends like they were best buds.
Youre smart, right? Preston chuckled, elbowing Owen in the side. Owen responded with a laugh of his own and shrugged.
I think so. He replied, smiling.
Can you help me with this essay, then? Should be a piece of cake for you.
Prestons face was predatory now, all sense of humor gone. Even someone as unobservant as Owen knew he wasnt just asking for help studying. He shifted his weight and swallowed, his smile tight.
Whats it for?
History. Preston said, holding out his laptop and smiling with all his bright white teeth. Owen laughed and put his hands up, palms out, and shook his head.
I can help you out with the dates and stuff, maybe. I cant really write your theories for you, those have to be original
Preston stood still, looking at Owen expectantly, his smile gone. His friends watched him. The friendly circle of conversation now seemed like a wall meant to hold Owen in, and though Owen had at least four inches of height on the rest of the boys, his demeanor was certainly more passive.
I stepped forward.
Thats why hes having trouble, Owen. Preston couldn't come up with an original thought if you gave him all the time in the world.
Prestons shark smile was back in full force as he and his friends turned toward me. You could blind someone if the sun reflected off his teeth just right.
Samantha! He drawled, stretching out each syllable as if they were separate words. Youre smart, arent you? I have an essay for you.
No. I replied, motioning to Owen to come over to me. I dont have the time or any desire to write your essay.
Come on. You use such big, fancy words.
He talked like a ****** politician. Big, grandiose gestures. Overemphasizing every word. Using his stupid meat shields to dissuade people like Owen from following his every order. Anger slowly crept up my spine. If I had hackles, theyd be raised high.
Do you know what no means? Back off.
Meanwhile, Owen was trying to slip past the three boys, unsuccessfully. It may have been because he was all but pressed against the lockers by Prestons two large friends, but more likely because he was too polite to shove them away to get past.
Prestons smile didnt falter as he stepped forward, laptop still held out.
Its due in an hour. You sure you cant help at all?
I stared at him with the driest look I could muster. After several long seconds only filled with the noise of Owens shuffling feet, he stepped back, seemingly giving up.
Just as Owen stepped forward, jostling Preston hard enough that the laptop fell out of his hand onto the linoleum floor.
The hallway was relatively empty by then, so it was just the five of us staring down at the black and shattered screen. None of us were smiling now.
Youre paying for that, you know. Preston said coldly, fixing Owen with a glare that scared even me. I cant imagine how gentle Owen felt, but as he shifted back and shrunk into himself, I got a pretty good idea.
No, you are. I said, poking Preston in the chest with all the strength I could put into one finger. He fell back as if I had shoved him.
You ******. He hissed, regaining his balance and lunging forward at me with clenched fists and a sneer that rivaled my own.
I punched him as hard as I could.
Hed barely hit the ground before his bodyguards were grabbing at me, Aidans pudgy fingers scrabbling at my hair before grabbing a handful and yanking me back. Someone hit me in the head so hard I saw sparks.
The feeling of fury was so strong it felt alive now. There was a lump in my throat that wouldnt go away, my shoulders and arms were trembling violently I felt like an animal as I ripped free of Aidans hold and turned, fists flailing as I pummeled him with every ounce of strength I had.
Sam! Sam, stop, stop it- Owen shouted, pulling me back by my shoulders.
What is going on? Someone shouted. Through my hazy vision, I saw a teacher I didnt know jogging towards us. Preston sat splayed on the floor, wiping blood from his face with his sleeve. Aidans nose was bleeding as well, and I could feel something dripping down my face. The only ones untouched were Owen and Parker.
Scratch that. Parker had a nasty bruise on his cheek. I must have hit him while I was flailing around.
All of you, to the office, now.
My ears were ringing violently. I could faintly feel Owens hands still on my shoulders, but instead of holding me back, he was holding me up. I swayed.
I didnt remember anything after that.

*oops, didn't see the General Question part, sorry!*

1. The scene is great, and you've set down the ground details from the start. But, well..let's say that the conversation. Maybe describe a bit more of the scene? I'm not sure, but I'm pretty certain that'll boost your story! Maybe..slip in a few thoughts of what Samantha was thinking, feeling in, too. That'll help. Also, maybe the character should wonder what's happening or wonder something, because it seemed like that this didn't happen every day. Another idea- I believe the fight would probably in the scale of the What Could Go Wrong ("particularly annoying teachers to overzealous students slamming into each other in the halls like they were playing a game of bumper cars.") list. It would forcast something that would happen, but of course, that's just me. I'm not the best professional writer. :p

2. As a beginning- or Prologue, I would say- the story is long enough. As just a Chapter 1, it would be a bit longer, but this is a good beginning to open up the action.

General Questions

1. Did the amount of action in this chapter seem appropriate? If not, should there have been less or more action? What caused the amount of action to be incorrect?

Well, the amount of general DETAILS and describing scene is decent. There were enough action that showed the overall, well, what the other characters thought and what is happening, so I would say that there's a fairly good amount.

2. Were you ever confused during this chapter? If so, write down the line that confused you, and why it confused you.

At the beginning, I was quite confused. Origin story? I thought it was about birth. A..failed/not failed science experiment? Frankenstein human? But as I read more, I began to understand what was happening.
"Owen had at least four inches of height on the rest of the boys, his demeanor was certainly more passive."
Four inches of height? ..does that mean that he was 4 inch taller, or the boys were 4 inches taller? Again, it might just be me that's not used to such form of indirect description.

Thank you! Could you pick a couple of the general questions? Anything you would like to see?

Oh, sorry! I didn't notice. I added more.

Thank you! Would you like 25 diamonds or 50k?