Oh, sorry, I was already typing when you posted, I didn't see yours until after I posted. Would you rather the rest is through PMs?

That'd be great, if you will.
Would you take critique/editing on your writing? I noticed quite a few mistakes.

Oh gods yes, my writing is absolute trash.

Please don't say that.
I've seen a wide range of writings and yours is on the rather 'good' end of the spectrum. Anyways, onwards.
First of all: the language and descriptions you use are kind of simple, with minimal detail, so your writing seems very short and everything happens very fast. It's not exactly a problem, but since I'm a nitpicker I care about the pacing of stories.
"Long dark red hair" Firstly, you need commas in there. Secondly, don't use the words 'dark red' and instead find one word that can suit the two that can also be more descriptive. Mohagony? Bloodred? Crimson? There's a lot of colour to choose from.
Smiling slightly, she bared her fangs, sharp and pearlescent. If I am correct, the grammar here is wrong. 'Sharp and pearlescent' would count as a dangling modifier in my mind because it's no clear what it's modifying. I know it's modifying her fangs, but grammatically speaking her fangs are in another part of the sentence. To fix this you could just move the modifiers forwards a bit into "she bared her sharp and pearlescent fangs'.
Another nitpick on my part is that she uses the word "mortal" too much. With the pacing you've given the story, it appears that within a minute she's used the term twice, and it's kind of weird; when we speak every day we subconsciously use different terms when mentioning the same general thing multiple times in a short period of time. (This doesn't apply to proper nouns. We use proper nouns over and over again)
You also might wanna work on your word choice. You used 'hissed' twice when you could've used a word as simple as 'snarled' or 'snapped'. You also use 'smiled' twice, and you could've used 'smirk' or something.