All right! I'll get started

((Thoughts will be 'blah' and diologue is "blah"))


1. Samirah stands in the shadows of a street, watching people dance and laugh in it. Nighttime.
2. Someone walks into her. "Watch it!"
3. Samirah turns and walks along the sidewalk. 'I hate humans. Or people in general, really.'
4. Stops and lifts face to the full moon 'Perhaps I should introduce myself.'
5. Moon. 'My name is - Oh, will you look at that!'
6. Face, eyes narrowed, reflecting moon, smiling with fangs
7. Door swings open in Samirah's face, she is leaning back. "Ow! What is with you people?!"
8. Boy peers around door "I- I'm sorry, miss-" "I don't want your worthless apoligies!"
9. Boy shrinks back, door *slams* "Please, miss-"
10. Samirah grabbs his throat, grinns" Oh, you look perfect."

((And that should be anough for now, right? What do you think?))

Could you... Perhaps, hum, change your method of exposition? Outright telling the readers "my name is Samirah" is kind of bland.

Edit: aaaalso, the boy in there you mentioned is a random boy and not the werewolf, right?

Sorry, I wrote that at about midnight and I was tired. YYou're ight, but what do you think I should put instead?

Andnyes, it is a random boy, not Karnas

It's absolutely fine if you want to do exposition that way, after all, you're the one doing the script, I'm just drawing. But I suggest something like somebody else calling her name and their actions towards her indicate she's a princess or something.

I edited it, how do you think is is now? I was thinking Karnas stopps her from dragging the boy away, then recognizes hher somehow?

And I want your honest opinion if it is terrible or what, I promise I won't be hurt if you say my script deserves -5 stars!

It's not terrible, don't worry.
I'm just a bit confused - she's out a night, there's people dancing, so she's at a night club? Then there's the random door. The door to what? It seems like it's just there for plot convenience, which is something you wouldn't want to have in a story.
Also, the boy's personality seems a bit off. If it's a nightclub that she's at, why would he be that timid? If he's at the nightclub he'd be busting out his sweetest dance moves to woo the ladies, and in order to do that, he'd be kind of full of himself, no?
I mean, this is just me nitpicking stuff, it's fine really.

I'm also thinking of setting it in present day so I have freedom designing their clothes. Expect a sketch from me sooner or later!
((I'm gonna plug my OC into the story somehow so if you have any OC you want in the story you can tell me and I can draw them in))

Thanks for the honest opinion. I find people are sometimes like, Oh, it's awesome, great job, (but I think it's terrible, acutally, but I don't want to say that and hurt your feelings!

So yeah... I'm not good at getting a plotline down from my head to paper (or post, in this case). It would really make more sense if I wrote it in actual story form and you decided what parts to draw... if tthat's kay with you, of course...?

You could send me chap 1 through mail, and I'll draw it. The actual story will be comic, if you don't mind.

Samirah leaned against the lamppole, watching people dance and laugh in the street. The full moon shone above, and the buildings were brightly lit.
Usually, in a small town like this, people rose and slep with the sun and stayed simple, but it was the Summer Solstice, after all!
Samirah tossed her long dark red hair over her shoulder, and hurried away from the main festivities. The bright light was giving her quite a headache - she was a vampire, after all.
A man walking along the sidewalk the opposite way accidently slammed into her shoulder, causing her to stumble and hiss, "Watch where you're going, mortal." With a terrified glance at her, he made himself scarce.
When she had gotten away onto a sidestreet where there were far less people, she stopped and raised her face to the sky, letting the full moon's light wash over her pale skin and light up her heartless violet eyes. Smiling slightly, she bared her fangs, sharp and pearlescent.
Suddenly a door to a house opened next to her, almost hitting Samirah in the face. With a curse, she jumped back, glaring at the boy about her age who came out.
"Watch it! What is with you people, anyway?!"
The poor boy took a step back, letting his door slam. "Look miss, I- I'm sorry, I didn't-"
Samirah slashed her hand through the air, cutting him off. "I don't want your worthless mortal apologies, boy!" she hissed.
"Miss, I-" he began, but his voice died as Samirah smiled at him, her moonlit face deadly and beautiful as her fangs. "You- oh, you look delicious!"