This is mostly so I just feel better about stuff - both on the site and outside. It's gonna be lengthy. I need a place to release everything I've built up; somewhere people I know aren't here. I don't want to patronized and called a poor baby.

This is here for me to vent, basically. A daily update, if you will. Pretty funky. You've been warned, though. Some of this will be triggering.

Please don't post here. DM me instead.

This is where I will break open my mind for you. No one has to read these. It won't be fun.

Have I ever said anything "disturbing", "off", or "alarming"?
Tell me. DM me. I need to know. I want to stop. i can't keep track of this

Alright, that's there. Let's back up a bit and explain.

Here's what I've been diagnosed with, after finally getting to a proper doctor (and therapist):

- Severe mania (dermatillomania and the general manic syndrome)
- Dissociative identity disorder (multiple personality disorder)
- Obsessive-compulsive disorder [OCD] (associated with mania)

Some days, I feel like hurtling off a cliff. Others, I feel like throwing strangers off. Sometimes, people I know.
I hate it. I'm scared. I don't when I'm going to snap.

I just know somebody's going to get really hurt when I do.

i need help

the knives are everywhere eyes are everywhere i don't know what to do but i know what to do but i'm scared but it will happen but i don't want it to but it must but it'll be fun but i'll never come back but i'll always be there, watching but i'll be stuck but i'll be there for more fun but i'll die but you'll die but they'll die but we all die there's nothing wrong

it's all wrong it's never been more right it hurts it hurts but it's going to be a blast it must happen but it's wrong why do i know you why do you know me why do you care why don't you care just come back stay away from me he is coming she is here they will be happy to see you after all this time

Oh, I relish the fact that one day (perhaps soon), it will end. Time is a glorious thing, as we use it to march to our impending, inevitable, demise. If the dimensions we exist in are based on form, then the fourth dimension is Time. Breaking the physical ties to something we do not exactly perceive. It's a wonderful thought, that we will all be gone - but a microscopic speck on this plane we call existence. Pain, suffering, and death are mere pricks of the surface. Yet they are a constant; unavoidable. I enjoy watching the people of science trying to discover the key to immortality. To them, it is to physically exist for-ever. Does this make the dinosaurs immortal? They died millions of years ago, yet we still discover their remains as bones, oil, or scat. This is a physical trace. Is immortality, then, the undeniable truth that you ever existed? Will these grand structures of today be the equal to that of a mere cave to the people of tomorrow? Timeless, timeless, timeless. Is immortality to be outside of time, or to be perfectly inside it?

yeah

when you say dont post and i post XD

wow thanks for posting something so funny on my rant thread that says "do not post"

Xd I couldn't resist since I kidnapped your child and now he works at my workshop in the north poll jimmy the elf. if you post on my santa thread ill give u a gift to make it up

nah, you're good