Once upon a time, up in a magical forest, far far away, somewhere between Portland Oregon and Sacramento California, a purple unicorn stepped out of its hutch. The unicorn's eyes sparkled as it's gaze swept the land, and it's long flowing mane of pink hair, curled to perfection, shined in the morning light. The unicorn pawed at the ground daintily, scanning for other woodland creatures. When it knew it was alone, it stood up on it's hind legs carefully, stretched it's hooves to the sky-- and belched so loud, it echoed throughout the land, echoing of mountains and ledges, all the animals within a thirty mile radius hearing it (and, for those unfortunate enough to be within a five mile radius, smelling it).
The unicorn settled back down on the ground, reaching back to scratch at an itch between his shoulder blades. Out of the unicorn's hutch came a grumbling gummi bear, with pink crusty eyes from a long night's sleep.
"Jeff, shut up." Grumbled the bear to the unicorn-now-known-as-Jeff.
"Hey," Jeff scowled. "Who's the one hiding from the wife at my place? You should just be happy that I haven't kicked you out yet. You ate all my butterflies and rainbows! THATS ALL I EAT, MAN!!!"
"Well, you ran out of Cheetos! It's not my fault if you're..." The bear smirked. "... A girly little unicorn."
Jeff stumbled back, wounded by the little gummi bear's words. "Hey, you know how I feel about that, Gary. And besides I am JEFF, DESTROYER OF WORLDS!!!!"
Gary snickered, beginning to walk down the hill to a little creek. "Yeah, you're fierce all right. Tell me, are you using a new world-dominating conditioner to get your mane so silky smooth?"
"Someday," Jeff said dreamily, ignoring Gary's previous comment. "I'll be the most feared unicorn in the world! Someday, I'll be able to go to the grocery store without people running up and asking if I have a boyfriend... I AM A BOY, GOSH DANG IT!!!!!" He screamed, bringing his hooves down hard on the ground. squeezing his pink, long-lashed eyes shut.
"Yeah," Gary said. "And that day, I'm gonna learn how to fly." Just then, a huge buck came up from behind a bush near Gary, stretching it's neck to nibble the gummi bear's ear.
"Get off, Chuck! You know how much I hate that!"
"Sorry man," Said Chuck in a deep, booming voice. "You're just too delicious! You're just a gummi treat that's fun to eat!"
"Oh, stuff it!" Said Jeff, still moping about his manliness. "I have a problem that I need solved, and I can't fix it if you guys are still here, chattering so loudly!"
"Ooooooh! I'm good at problems!" The buck said, tail straight up. "I can help!"
"Jeff needs to be manlier." Smirked Gary.
"Well, I have a great idea! Here's what we'll do..."
Comment if you want me to write The Purple Unicorn Who Wished He Wasn't One, Episode 2 |
