Last night sometime in the night my Grandma Lavere passed away. She died of complications from congestive heart disease (failure?). She was in and out of the hospital and nursing home for the past few months. I got to see her once more before she passed. Shortly after she went into the hospital this last time. This is so hard on me because this is the first close death I've ever experienced. I've been to 4 other funerals in my life and experienced a few other deaths in my family, but none as hard as this. I was too young to remember my grandpa (Mom's dad) and I wasn't too close to either of my great grandparents (dad's grandparents) when they passed even though I knew them. Another funeral was for my cousins stillborn child. The last was for my aunt's dad (aunt by marriage). So this is the first time I've had such a close death. The last one that I remember hitting me hard was my great grandpa (dad's grandpa) that's because I was just old enough to understand some of what was going on. Even though I wasn't close to him.
I've been crying off and on since last Friday when I found out she was back in the hospital and that the doctors were going to let nature take it's course. I've been crying off and on since I found out about her death this morning. I'm taking care of my cousin right now. Who when he passes will be one of the hardest deaths for me to take.

Andrew is my cousin and one of my best friends. He is 18 years old and has NBIA (specifically affecting the PKANs gene) , He also has Dystonia and Juvenile Huntingtons. He has very limited control over his body. He can't talk can't eat for himself and needs 24/7 care. He is my inspiration. He is one reason I keep getting up every morning. We know he most likely won't live to old age. Right now he is sleeping away.
Here are a few pictures of him. Some with me. These are all recent pictures.
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10200219740248279&l=10d484be75
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10200092990399612&l=914a065393
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=4996388119563&l=a4e6330646
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=4928334418263&l=586df3a43c

Oh Katie ):
The best thing to do is cry, it's going to help. Remember the good times, as well as the bad. This will make you a stronger person hunny. It really will. She's no longer suffering and she's another guardian over you.
My grandma died of the same thing 7 years ago. I know exactly how you feel, and I want you to know that with time, it WILL get better. You'll be able to think about her and smile instead of cry. You'll be able to tell people about the wonderful woman she was, cause I'm sure she was.

I'm sorry hunny. I know you're hurting, and there's nothing anyone can say to help you, but if you just remember that it'll be better in time, you'll feel better after awhile.

<3

I've been able to smile and have a good day thanks to amazing family and friends. When I look up at the sky I really feel like she's watching over us all now. We saw 2 bald eagles today which is definitely unusual. So who knows, maybe that's a sign. Found out the funeral is on wednesday. That'll probably be the hardest. I'm worn out right now after a long long day.

I am SO sorry for your loss

I saw the obituary a bit ago online. It's the second time I'd seen it. Though the first with a picture. I think maybe it's really finally hit me.
http://www.cremationsociety-wi.com/lavere-d-cater-79/