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Personally, I agree and disagree with parts of your argument. But first of all, if you don't mind me saying this, you've got a laptop with spellcheck, there's absolutely no reason you should be sending a letter to a school authority without proper grammar and spelling - it'll hurt your chances of being taken seriously.

However, I do like the way you're going about this, rather than trying to circulate ways to get around the block, you're addressing the problem itself with the creators of the problem. I've learned from experience that attempting to circumvent will just end up badly, no matter how good you are at it.

The tone of your argument is also very aggressive, I would tone that down. Being polite only can help your chances, whereas being aggressive certainly limits them.

As someone who is going to be in college come next year, and as someone who's been living with extreme parental controls (one website unblocked at a time, per limited session of 15 minutes, let's not even get started on web filtering and account monitoring), I know how stressful it is to deal with the powers that be. But here's the thing; school is for school - you shouldn't be surfing the net, youtube, whatever while doing schoolwork anyway, and besides, most families have a computer or two at home for everyone's use. If your parents aren't letting you do things, then attempting to do them on a school computer is not going to solve the problem. Worst case scenario, school and parents get together and bust your butt big-time. Trust me, I've gone through it.

I'm not trying to discredit your argument, but there are things I think you need to reconsider. ^^;

I never went to a school that handed out tech to students to keep/rent/etc on a year-long basis, so I'm sorry if I'm on the wrong page. I also don't come from a background where my internet access in school is my only internet access in my day-to-day life, but I think that as-is, your essay is kinda weak.

I agree with Strike, your essay is a bit informal. Informality doesn't seem to win debates unless it has hard evidence. And where you're coming from is subjective ("What are we, 5 year olds?" and "this isnt even an essay for me (I mean come on, Im in high school)" don't sound impressive to older adults :c).

So yeah, work on your essay writing...particularly going from a biased point of view to a more substantial, supportive one. It isn't that the school system doesn't trust you, but I do think that schools have filters on because it's a standard for all schools.

I'll also play devil's advocate for some of the pieces of your essay.

"But heres the thing, these chromebooks, for many are the only internet source they have (including myself). This means this is the only way we may be able to contact some family and friends, research for essays, or do homework. But heres the thing, some of said homework requires youtube."

You have valid points here.
However, if I were an educator, and unless I was avant-garde, I don't think videos that are unwatchable by safety mode are necessary in a school setting. Youtube isn't all that necessary to contact friends/family, nor research for essays (I hate to say it, but I still remember synthesis papers, and even my teachers preferred real wordy sources than videos...)

"Besides homework, some people may watch videos whether to learn on their own account, relieve stress, or just for fun. When students arent stress, they perform in school better, but how can they relieve said stress, if they cant even watched a song video because of the so called safety mode. "

I've seen students try to advocate for certain things in their school to raise student pride or morale and lower stress, etc.
Good point here. But...
Pulling the entire crux of this point on "a song video" that can't be watched is unconvincing for me. Like Strike said, you probably shouldn't be watching music videos in school. It doesn't reflect well on a student body's productivity if a school board member happened upon a student in the library watching a youtube video, earbuds in ears, and the video's pretty irrelevant to what people expect to see in school, which is like educational videos and other boring stuff.

"What are we, 5 year olds? weve all been exposed to foul language, we know what drugs are, and we should know about sex too. We know about worse that I will not list in here. Heres the thing, we know every video we watch is being monitored, so do you really think we are going to be watching something we shouldnt? Something illegal? I doubt it. You can honestly monitor everything I watch. I dont care, and many feel the same. If there is a reason to not trust some students, then punish them."

This is a personal thing I have, and idk when you'll learn about it, but they teach you to put "pathos" in your writing. (In the ethos/pathos/logos sorta way. Ethos is character (authority), pathos is emotion, logos is logic.)
Now, there's a fine line between being passionate about your argument, and then sounding like someone with a rambling fit. The difference is that an argument has evidence that flows, and it makes sense to the audience you're writing for.
Here, it sounds like you're attacking the school/audience in a mad fit, belittling their views on the student body. A bit rebellious.

I know that rebellious spirit can be strong, but I still think that it could be delivered with more tact. If you sound like you're just mad about the fact that they blocked some youtube videos, there's less of a chance they'll take you seriously, compared to something like...idk, 'While we understand that there's an unadulterated world on the internet and particularly on YouTube, this does not mean that you should put a censor on what the student body watches. The students should be trusted to be mature enough to browse YouTube at their own discretion, but if there is any inapprorpiate misconduct, then it is right to take action.'

"This isnt even an essay for me (I mean come on, Im in high school), but if I must right one (just give me the cue) you can be certain these topics, and more will show up in depth of detail."

Thank you for your time and consideration. I hope you think about my argument (even challenge it if you must, it will only make me a better writer).

I think it's better if you take the time to make a more well-written essay, one with all the details describing all the reasons why it's appropriate to lift the safety mode, than just say "if you need a reason, just let me know and I'll give you one."






I graduated high school already. And like Strike said, my peers have tried to circumvent the system. There are people that care, people who don't.
I never really met someone whose online privileges came from school and school alone. And even then, I don't think their entire experience is hitched on the videos hidden by the safety mode.
I'm also a stickler for the rules, because it just makes sense to me to not use YouTube or other things at school. (The awkward moment when I played Sylestia on school computers...)
When it comes to blocking sites, I would think it's to keep the school on a standard. There's no reason why students should be actively on facebook on schoolgrounds (social media never hit me as an educational thing), and there's not really a reason why students should be listening to something that's blocked on safety mode during school (yes I understand calculus videos, science videos, documentaries (idk what kind of documentaries are blocked)). But this essay came across as a weak one trying to lift the ban on standard protocol because "we're not 5 year olds" being watched by adults.

I would try googling similar essay prompts like this, advocating lifting censorships or bans on youtube or such, looking for more reasons and less subjectivity.

Thank you for the suggestions, and I have found some mistakes, but when I was writing this, one in no way am I doing an essay, two I was writing this as assertive, and not mad or attacking, and finally, my argument goes mainly for after school (which I will add in the final draft). These chromebooks are lent out not strictly for school. I can see putting youtube on safety mode during school, but after school is when my argument begins. These computers are lent out from sophomore year to senior year, and are even kept through the summer

I...I see lol

I would think that being lent tech on that standard is more of a privilege, so it may be hard to be picky (can't have your cake and eat it too, unless it's heavily paid for, that's a different story).

I can understand that you were being assertive, but the language/tone didn't come across as such.

I hope you reconsider the entire issue if you're gonna be serious about it aha.

We have chromebooks, too (handy, aren't they?) and this exact argument came up with the school.

Hmmm, you could maybe try and turn off the safe search on youtube, and tell the people who need to do so how to! There is a way, and I'm not sure whether the IT office can stop you from turning it off. At the very bottom of each youtube page should be a bunch of settings. Change safety from on to off. That's what the people at my school do.

I do agree however, although we are sometimes a bit...unruly, I think we should be allowed to have safe search off.

Then again, at our school the IT department keeps track of your browser history...

I would make it briefer and ask to have a meeting to discuss the issue, perhaps in an e-mail. You seem to have some points that would be easier articulated in person rather than by writing.

Something like the following:

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Hello,

I am [Name], a student in blah grade. I am writing as I have some qualms about the current Youtube Safety feature that is enabled on our Chromebooks. While I as well as the other students are grateful to have access to the Chromebooks, the Youtube Safety feature is disrupting our overall experience. I understand why the choice was made to have the Youtube Safety feature set, but I believe it is redundant as the sites we visit are already tracked. As such, I believe the benefit of removing this restriction outweighs the reasons for keeping it in place.

I am available to meet to talk more about this during blah, blah, or blah. If none of those times work for you, please let me know. This is an important issue for me, so I would like to meet about it.

Thank you for your time,
[Full name]
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Also I wanted to point out the following:
"So I get it, high schoolers cant be trusted" is a wrong premise. The youtube safety feature is enabled to protect students and also for liability reasons. There are laws in place about child safety on the internet. (For the U.S.)

You can read about the law here: http://www.fcc.gov/guides/childrens-internet-protection-act
And also on wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Children%27s_Internet_Protection_Act

Here is also an excerpt from this link: http://www.ala.org/advocacy/advleg/federallegislation/cipa/cipalegalfaq
"Does CIPA mandate the use of any particular blocking software or filtering settings?
There is no obligation to use any particular filter in the library. The statute and regulations require only that certifying libraries use a "technology protection measure" that "protects against access" to Internet materials that are obscene, child pornography, and, during use by minors under 17 years-old, "harmful to minors." Because the inherent flaws of blocking software make it impossible ensure that these materials are filtered, a library will be deemed CIPA-compliant as long as it makes a "good faith" effort to block these categories of online materials. Libraries, therefore, have some flexibility in selecting, crafting, and modifying the required filtering technology to meet CIPA's blocking and disabling requirements."


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In regards to what Flute and Strike were saying about the tone. It's because the note is written very informally. Generally, if you are talking to teachers or those in higher positions, especially if you have a point you want to get across, you should need to write formally. This is the case in any situation in life. Everyone, not just you has to write formally. The good news is that it will benefit you every time! :) I believe you wrote informally because you don't think this is a matter you would really need to write formally for, but from the school's point of view it is. ^.^'''

It is just a cultural notion that informal writing in situations like these is under normal circumstances seen as disrespectful. It is just a cultural rule, nothing more nothing less.

Same as you wouldn't expect your teachers to mark the following on a problem you got wrong,

"How could you not know this answer?! Plz. I understand youre a student, but come on, its sooo obvious. =_="

Seems strange, doesn't it?

Now writing formally doesn't mean you have to write an essay! Just make sure it sounds as formal as an essay. :)

So I get it, high schoolers cant be trusted. But heres the thing, these chromebooks, for many are the only internet source they have (including myself). This means this is the only way we may be able to contact some family and friends, research for essays, or do homework. But heres the thing, some of said homework requires youtube. Now heres the thing, while I do not want to write a full persuasive essay on the matter of why youtube shouldnt be limited, I will if I have to. Besides homework, some people may watch videos whether to learn on their own account, relieve stress, or just for fun. When students arent stress, they perform in school better, but how can they relieve said stress, if they cant even watched a song video because of the so called safety mode. What are we, 5 year olds? weve all been exposed to foul language, we know what drugs are, and we should know about sex too. We know about worse that I will not list in here. Heres the thing, we know every video we watch is being monitored, so do you really think we are going to be watching something we shouldnt? Something illegal? I doubt it. You can honestly monitor everything I watch. I dont care, and many feel the same. If there is a reason to not trust some students, then punish them. You remember school, how frustrating it was when you were good, but the whole class is punished because of a set few. Well there is no difference here. We are high schoolers, this is the time of our lives when we are learning to be adults, but how can we learn if we still are constantly being restricted and chained, not allowed to learn on proper etiquette on distributed and monitored devices. This isnt even an essay for me (I mean come on, Im in high school), but if I must right one (just give me the cue) you can be certain these topics, and more will show up in depth of detail. Thank you for your time and consideration. I hope you think about my argument (even challenge it if you must, it will only make me a better writer).

I really, really hope you did not send this in because it is terrible. I am sorry, but it is. Your arguments may actually sway them to keep the censors, not lower them. It doesn't seem like beside your (and other teenagers') point of view, you haven't actually thought about why they are doing it and you probably need to think about it more and do some research.

I'm going to try and say this without sounding insulting, cause that is not at all how I mean it.

If I were a school official and received this letter, I wouldn't even read it but just throw it away. Here are some things to consider:
-- There are reasons why letters and essay follow a form.
-- Spelling and grammar go a long way.
-- This is a public official, not your friend. Don't talk to them like a friend.
-- This is school property, therefore they can do with it what they want.
-- They are legally responsible for anything that may happen.

Also, just wanted to say that you should be thankful they even allow youtube at all! The vast majority of Youtube videos are not educational.

I would have killed to have my own Chromebook to use in school. The only access to computers I had in high school was a 2 hour period, 2-3 times a week in the library and that was only if one of the 15-20 computers were available at that time. The majority of my research in high school was done using the card catalog and paper books, and it wasn't even that long ago.