I don't really care if no one reads this, or even cares, I just need to type it out somewhere. And thus it happens again, my sexuality identification issues. Now, I am an advocate LBGT rights supporter, so I know my stuff, which is what makes this so hard. In my life though, I've had crushes on too girls, both conveniently lesbians, but I don't identify as Bi, I identify as straight, because I've always preferred males. But, in my freshman year of high school, I got these crushes, but I dismissed them, as just a teenage need for love, and what not. The first was just looks, but the second, who is a really, really close friend of mine, it was more, her personality, god, and she smells like heaven. But, when the year ended, and I didn't have a class with her the next term, the feelings faded, so I dismissed them, but I still wanted to see her as often as possible, cause we are such good friends. I do wish I was Bi, but know I'm not, at least, I don't think I am. But then we just started a new term, and we have a class together, and I just always want to be with her. I could actually see myself with her. Emotionally, I feel an attraction. I feel like I could cuddle her, and kiss her, and I would enjoy it. ugh, but she knows I'm straight, and all the gays know I'm straight, and I just feel that if I told her at least the feelings of possibly being Bi, I would look like a, poser? idk. And I have the talent of acting on impulse, and destroying a friendship. She just got out of a relationship, and is madly in love with another girl, she's for over a year. and I just want to cuddle with her, and nuzzle my face into her hair, that smells so heavenly, and typing this is making me want to scream. So basically ya....

I think I can offer you a little bit of advice and shine some light on what might be going on here. :3

I'm in college now, and have always been a big supporter of gay rights. I've never considered being gay myself, though. My friends all experimented, and I was content not to. I'm very much attracted to the male body, after all, and dated plenty of guys. There was just never anything appealing about females, their bodies, anything. No attraction there whatsoever.

But now, the love of my life is female. There's some gender kerfuffling going on, but biologically, female. (And before anyone assumes and jumps on me, yes, I am allowed to use female pronouns.) I still claim to be straight, and always will, because I am. I am not attracted to other girls.

What I am is pan-romantic. That means that thought I'm only sexually drawn to the opposite gender, when it comes to forming strong romantic relationships, the sex of the person doesn't really matter at all.

I imagine something like this might be going on here? You're feeling romantically towards someone who you have no sexual desire for, yes? I would say you may be heterosexual but panromantic.

Hm, maybe, I really don't know. I've also thought of hetero-flexible (mostly straight, some curiosity)

Well in the end, sexual identification is entirely personal and up to you, where you feel you fit, or if you decide to abandon all labels and just tell people you like who you like and that's it. If you don't feel comfortable anywhere, don't try and smush yourself into a box that doesn't fit you.

you give good advice, probably better than I can do, and I'm an executive in my high school's Gay-Straight Alliance, ha ha

I have a good bit more life experience with it all than most people still in high school who get most of their info from tumblr, I imagine. :3 Life experience and college courses that go into depth about the issues and definitions and everything on top of that.

Honestly, don't bother trying to fit yourself into a strict label category so early in your life. The worlds of sexuality and gender identity and how they can intersect and be fluid sometimes are complex, and you shouldn't have to give yourself a fixed identity while you are still growing and exploring these areas. It's okay not to know for sure, or to be questioning, or to identify in one way at one point and then another way later. And if anyone gives you ****** for it (be they straight or gay or something else entirely), that's their problem, not yours. It's not being a poser to explore the boundaries of your attraction -- almost everyone experiments.

In high school I still thought I was straight with an "artistic appreciation" for the female form. I also didn't have a date all through it. By the time I reached university, I realized I was sexually attracted to female bodies, but still thought that romantically I was primarily interested in people who identified as men or masculine-of-center. By a year or two into grad school I had dated people of all gender identities from cismen/women to trans* people to genderqueer people and non-binary identified people. I just identify as queer now, because the blanket term is easiest. Basically, neither people's gender identity or their bits define my attraction to them. I am sexually and romantically interested in people because I find them interesting and physically attractive in one of a myriad of ways.

As for your friend, it sounds like she's probably in a pretty volatile state having just ended a relationship and being in love with someone else, so it might not be the best time to make a move on her. But if you two are close, you could try talking with her about your feelings sometime and see how she reacts. Don't impulsively make out with her at a party or something and potentially risk your friendship -- try communicating with her clearly and honestly sometime when it's just the two of you hanging out. You never know, maybe she's interested in a casual cuddle-buddy type of thing? I know lots of folks who have friendships like that where things never go past kissing but they really enjoy just being physically close.

I've found that I thought I understood my sexuality/gender many times and have had that understanding evolve and change. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, as others have said. Personally, I'm usually not one for labels but in situations like this it makes me feel better because when I find something that really truly and honestly describes just how I feel? Well, then I just feel like a weight has lifted from my shoulders, I feel like I'm okay with being me, because if this definition exists other people must understand.

Others before me have already given you better advice on dealing with the girl and your personal relationship to her, but what I can tell you is that there is never any shame in being wrong about the labels you've used for yourself, learning more about what you like, or being affected by certain individuals and not others. The labels don't define you, you define the labels. :)

It is nice to find something and have it all just fall into place, that's how I felt when I first found out about being genderqueer/there being other genders besides male and female. My understanding of myself has changed a little now, but nothing can ever change the moment when I realized that such an option existed and that I wasn't alone.

So don't worry, no matter what you find yourself to be, you're not some kind of poser, or anything of the sort. You're a young, intelligent, and obviously caring person who is trying their hardest to understand issues with self that some people never settle in their entire adult life. I wish you the best of luck. <3 :)

2/5/15- she told me I'm 0.5 gay (randomly, nothing to do with the things in the original post
2/6/15- gave her a joke "you are forever claimed as mine" ring and put it on her chain. wonder if it will be there Monday. I hope