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Forum Index > Off-Topic Discussion > I don't know what to call this...
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Lemontine
Level 60
Joined: 11/21/2018
Threads: 43
Posts: 935
Posted: 3/9/2019 at 11:56 PM Post #1
This was originally posted on Anxiety Club but I wasn't getting any feed back and I need it.
(Sorry my mind will jump around a bit)So I'll give you a little backstory. I played a game called Dragon Sim. I met a few ok people but no one that was really that interesting. Then one day I log on and I meet this guy, I'll call him Ari. He became a good friend (one of the best I ever had) and we made fun of one another (I need that in relationships i don't want to have to hold my tongue in front of my friends). Ari also introduced me to another game called WOA (Wild Animals Online) We had a lot of fun on both games. WOA the friend aspect doesn't work very well so you can't see if your friends are on or not or where they are. One day I log on to Dragon Sim and see my friend list completely erased and my dragon level lower. My tablet lost my info from the last month. I couldn't find Ari again and haven't since. That was the start of being depressed. I have never had a lot of friends since i'm home schooled. I have one really close friend (I'm gonna call her Julie)and one that is really hard for me to be friend with (She can be Sarah). Julie and my sister have been the only reason I'm not seriously depressed. I feel like almost every time I am with someone they want to hang with someone else and I'm the last priority. I'm a shy person so I don't like to put myself out there (unless I'm singing for people I don't know) So my sister is depressed too and I often feel left out since my parents would rather do what she wants to do than what I do. I don't want to tell people that i'm like this because, I'm afraid that they will think I'm just trying to draw attention to myself because I never act like it. I think Ari would be the only one I would be able to talk to about this. I have a crush on some guy at church sense i was six (Lets call him Tim) I'm not friends with him because I am way to shy for that I also have a lot of anxiety when I'm around him. I also think that I have a small crush on Ari. It makes me feel like a terrible person because of the fact I have a crush on 2 people! I haven't told anyone that either. I don't know what to do! So I have dealt with people betraying me for a long time here is some of what I remember. So 1 or 2 years ago our church was participating in a game group in a town about an hour away, it was my first time there when it happened. Tim, me and a few other church teens went to the game group, after the short bible study we had some free time before people started getting games together. Tim asks me and another girl if we want to go jogging, I shyly say yes. The other girl didn't come so it was just me and the guy I have liked for my entire life are kinda alone (I say kinda because people couldn't hear us but they can still see us). He loves killing ground squirrels (which there are a lot of them around were i live) and after trying to capture one in a tube and failing he wondered off to kill some. As I am walking to my sister, one of her friends (That I really disliked then and now) comes from behind me and says "Your boyfriend is off killing ground squirrels" and I almost turned around and punched him in the stomach. I didn't tho and I nervelessly responded with "How do you know". I found out later that he straight up lied to my face when he said "It's obvious". I almost started crying. Later that night I told my sister, she said that she told him. I trusted her with that secret and she went and told someone. Part of me still doesn't trust her.
That latest bit of sadness can be found here --->https://www.sylestia.com/forums/?thread=73852
Thanks for reading this. :)
Edited By Lemontine on 3/10/2019 at 12:24 AM.
Lemontine
Level 60
Joined: 11/21/2018
Threads: 43
Posts: 935
Posted: 3/9/2019 at 11:57 PM Post #2
I need attention right now from my family. It seems like in order to get it I have to be good and in order to be good I have to be perfect and in order to be perfect I have to not tease my sibling, I have to do the chores, I have to take care of the animals, I have to not be on here as much, I have to do my school. My parents both work until 3:00 on school days, then have the drive home. It's really easy not to do my schoolwork because they don't check it and the only the that making me still do it is the small shred of my conscience that is quickly deteriorating. My sister spends most of her time on her phone but no, it's me that's staring at a screen all the time, in their minds. I just need someone to talk to. I'm thinking of telling my best friend Julie, but I don't know anymore, I don't think I know anything anymore. I don't know if I want to tell her because I don't want to sound over dramatic. I really want to cry. but they will tell me "its just mood swings" or "Go test your blood sugar" (I'm a type 1 diabetic btw) they don't think maybe I just need someone there for me, someone I can talk to.
Don't feel shy any feed back is welcome.
And again thanks for reading.
Edited By Lemontine on 3/10/2019 at 12:28 AM.
Orcastration
Level 73
Fishy
Joined: 11/1/2018
Threads: 316
Posts: 33,410
Posted: 3/10/2019 at 12:00 PM Post #3
Idk if this will help but...




Find some activity you like. A club at school or aspirt. Find friends who like thibgs you do-like dor me, most of my friends are at church or are into music. We have things in common to talk about.


And dont just find vonlonr frieds. Find someone un yourneighborhood or school. Lonely people (wallflowwrs) can be quite interesting people once uou get to know tjem.

And leaen to forgive and forget. I mean, maybe talk to you sister about it. Surprising what can happen.

Also talk to your parents and twll them how you feel. You might getino teiuble but....well, theyre suppoed to supportyou right?

Or ar lesst talkto a trusted friend.
Edited By Orca2whale on 3/10/2019 at 12:02 PM.
Orcastration
Level 73
Fishy
Joined: 11/1/2018
Threads: 316
Posts: 33,410
Posted: 3/10/2019 at 12:05 PM Post #4
Oh and snce yiu mentioned chirch....


God is your friend. He can helo you findnew friends who support you.

Just pray about it.
Sslover
Level 61
The Kind-Hearted
Joined: 8/31/2016
Threads: 249
Posts: 74,416
Posted: 3/10/2019 at 7:48 PM Post #5
I kind of know how you feel. I have depression and I don't really feel like I can be myself around very many people. Just remember that God will never give you challenges that are too much for you; he will always help you through one way or another. I hope that you find peace sooner or later. And people that haven't gone through what you have most likely won't understand. Just keep your head up and push on. And if you ever want to share, I'm always willing to listen :)
Lemontine
Level 60
Joined: 11/21/2018
Threads: 43
Posts: 935
Posted: 3/10/2019 at 11:44 PM Post #6
Thanks both of you. I'm really thinking about telling me friend Julie because I told her part of it today at church and she seemed to understand. Finding more friends is really hard. Since I don't go to public school. I might find a friend for a bit but as soon as I start testing our friendship they stop talking to me.

Good news: I was at a quizzing tournament today and on the way home I started talking in front of my crush!!! It didn't seem like he thought i was dumb. :D
Orcastration
Level 73
Fishy
Joined: 11/1/2018
Threads: 316
Posts: 33,410
Posted: 3/11/2019 at 12:01 AM Post #7
I don't go to public school either but I have oodles of friends (that and my BFFs are kind of chatterboxes....except for like 2 of them. Yeah, i grew up with a lot of people)

Our church has a leadership program for teens. I joined and we have a fun little group (ahem....little (no it's like all the regular atendees plus a few others)). We go on outings and do stuff for the church. IDK if your church has one (or is big enough for one to be started) but it's a great way to make friends. Help! I'm a Student Leader by Doug Feilds can help with that if you're interestted in joining a group like that or helpign found one. It's a great way to get involved, make friends, and do good, and for God too.
I've also joined the choir and bell choirs in the past and found a few really good friends who "get" me and my "quirks".

I also made friends with people who are also into music. I know several kdis in my orchestra, teachers' studios (most of who I also see at church or other things) and summer camps.

So yeah, branching out is grat sometimes. (Just, y'know, don't keep your options closed to just girls or just people your age. I have some realy good guy friends and several kids in other grades too.

And it's great you didn't fall on your face in front of your crush. ;D (Always a bonus, right?)
Lemontine
Level 60
Joined: 11/21/2018
Threads: 43
Posts: 935
Posted: 3/11/2019 at 12:11 AM Post #8
I'll try doesn't mean it will work but what's the worst that can happen. We have a small youth group and everyone has their groups and i'm not really part of one I try to be but they all talk over me.
I'm not picky about if they are a girl or not, but all the guys are immature. and I mean all of them.
Orcastration
Level 73
Fishy
Joined: 11/1/2018
Threads: 316
Posts: 33,410
Posted: 3/11/2019 at 12:17 AM Post #9
Eep. Well....good luck and prayer is al i can offer you with that.

Hopefully they'll grow up...fast. (Once my class met the youth pastor they quickly matured....quite shocking really!)
Lemontine
Level 60
Joined: 11/21/2018
Threads: 43
Posts: 935
Posted: 3/11/2019 at 12:21 AM Post #10
Thank you.
And I hope so too
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