Well, they found out.

They found the Kindle. I got grounded yesterday.

Not the first time.

But the thing is, my Mom is losing trust in me. So is my dad.

It hurts.

When I sat down and began thinking, I realized something. It hurts, but its true. More than anything.

I hate myself.

For failing.

For disappointing.

For being missing.

For being sad.

For lots of things.

But most of all, for making everyone around me not trust me. I understand why.

Doesnt make it better.

I understand what you're feeling. I used to feel this way.

Don't focus so much on what makes you think that way. Instead, think of the things and people you love. Think calming thoughts, take deep breaths. Go to your happy place. Maybe try looking into getting a therapist if you don't have one already.

I know it hurts. I do. If you're comfortable with it, talk to your parents. Tell them what you're feeling, and they'll help you through this. They do trust you. You are interpreting their actions and words the wrong way. They're just worried about you.

Don't hate yourself. Why would you be here now if you didn't have a reason to be? You're loved, and you don't know it. Loved by so many. You didn't fail. You aren't disappointing.

Everyone gets sad. Don't beat yourself up about it.

We're here for you. Please talk to us if you need to.

Thank you for talking to me. Thing is, I...

I cant talk to anyone. Besides on here, anyway. Its... harder, because they have a real face of someone I care about. And Im too scared to go to a therapist, because they may take me somewhere far away. I dont want that.

Its just easier to talk to people if I dont see their real face. Does that make sense?

It makes perfect sense, don't worry.

And a therapist won't take you away. They're just there to talk about what upsets you and how to fix it.

I understand, but they may still do something. Im too scared to talk.

What do you think they would do?

I go to a therapist myself. I had my doubts at first but they turned out to be kind and helpful in the long run.

You don't need to try or do anything I suggest, by the way. I just want to make you feel better.

Im scared theyll take me away from my family, or take them away from me. Im also scared that theyll take my phone away, which is my one way of coping. Call me addicted, but nothing else cheers me up. Im also scared theyll put me In summer school, which really doesnt help my case.

Im scared theyll just take away my freedom, and my choices.

They won't take you away. Trust me. They've no control over what happens with you. It's your own life. They can't take your phone away as it's your private property. They cannot take your freedom, that's a right. All a therapist will do talk about your feelings with you and help you come up with ways to solve them. At least talk to someone not behind the screen? Keeping all your feelings and sadness bottled up inside you won't help. If you do so, you might eventually snap. But I do understand how you feel. You don't need to be scared.

As for your phone being the only thing that cheers you up, maybe try some other activities, like a sport or art? Try to find a hobby that you enjoy and gives you comfort.

Thank you for talking to me. But Im still scared, despite being less so.

I do read and run, but they dont cheer me up much.

Of course. We're always here if you need us.

It's a start, at least.