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Forum Index > Other Fiction > The Emberling (feedback plz)
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Author Thread Post
Sslover
Level 61
The Kind-Hearted
Joined: 8/31/2016
Threads: 249
Posts: 74,416
Posted: 1/5/2018 at 2:00 PM Post #1
(Guys, I wouldnt mind if you were brutally honest here. I need feedback so I can get better. Thanks!)
The Emberling
By: Cara Davidson
This book is dedicated to my classmates who at least tried to draw the front cover. (Actually, I'm not sure some people tried after all, Grant, some people made six toes.) Malina, thank you for designing a back-cover summary.
Illustrations by: ?????? ????????????

Chapter 1
Mom! I'm going outside!
Ok. Dinner will be ready soon.
Ok!

I walked outside. We lived in a cabin surrounded by pine trees that towered at least fifty feet in the air. I could smell the fresh air. I stretched. It's been, what, one month since I have been outside.
I haven't been able to go outside because I have been grounded. Mom knows I love going outdoors. I got grounded because I went out of the woods. That's a big deal. Trust me.
Anyway, I decided to go a different direction. Turns out, in this direction, there is A LOT of space without pine trees. Or any trees, really.
I stumbled on something sticking out of the ground. I looked down. It was a worn down gravestone.
Chapter 2
Thanks mom for dinner. I muttered with my mouthful.
How many times do I have to tell you, Lizzy, to not talk with your mouth full?
Um. lots?
Exactly. And?
And don't chew with your mouth open.
Right. But do you ever listen? No,
mom sighs.
For the rest of the night, dinner is silent.
Time for bed, mom says just a little bit too loud.
Since I live in a family of five, bedtime is a little rough.
But mooom, I don't want to go to bed!
But mooom, I don't want to go to bed either!
Ok. I'm going.

I could hear mom begging the others to go to bed. I climbed into bed and pulled up the covers. It was always chilly at night here. Before I knew it, I had slipped into a deep sleep.
Chapter 3
In my dream, I found the gravestone again. It went like this:
I'm running. Why am I running? I have no clue. Oomph! What was that? I looked behind me. The gravestone? What? I looked around. Why are there so many gravestones? This doesn't even look like a cemetery OR a graveyard. Not that there is a difference. Wait. I remember seeing I remember only seeing one gravestone. Not however many there are here. Lizzzy. Lizzzzzzy. Lizzzzzzzzzy. Meet me here at-
Then I woke up. Awful, huh. I stretched and looked at the clock. 5:30. Perfect timing. I got up to get breakfast. I could just SMELL the delicious omelets with their melting cheese and the sizzling eggs and the ham in them. Then I winced. Last time we had omelets, mom wasn't paying attention and mine got burnt. And she made me eat it. Yuck.
Dad was already gone for work. When I bit into my omelet, I found out it wasn't burnt, but it was undercooked. I spit it out.
Mom!
What?
You didn't cook this enough!
Oh, I'm sorry. Do you want me to cook you another one?
Yes please, and pay attention! I don't want another omelet that's burnt.

About ten minuets later, I bit into the perfect omelet, with its cheese coming out and hot, it's ham warm, the eggs perfect.
Mom, I'm gonna go get the eggs from our chickens.
Ok.

Chapter 4
I ran to the gravestone. I looked around. There was only one gravestone. Maybe this wasn't the spotI haven't explored it all, yet. I found a river just a few yards away. It wasn't wide, but it sure looked like it had depth. I reached my hand as far as I could without falling in. My arm was pretty long, and I still couldn't feel dirt or rocks. Wow. It's deep! I went home and got twenty foot stick. I jabbed it into the river and it was still going. I put my arm in the river, too and it was still not enough. Now I'm definitely never going swimming in that water.
Later:
Mom? Do you know anything about the river just past the gravestone?
Mom and dad exchanged nervous glances.
Should we tell her? Mom asked dad.
Well it's too late now you already blabbed about it. Dad replied and rolled his eyes.
Okay sweetheart,we've been trying to keep this from you, but since you found it, it's too late. Someone died there last summer.
And I didn't know? You know this town can't keep secrets.
Well now you know different. Everyone in the town knew about it- except the kids under twelve.
But I turned twelve right before school started.
We know, we know, but we just couldn't tell you
Who died?
Kids? Bed time.
Yes mom,
they replied in unison. Apparently they had been listening intently.
I'll go to bed too, says dad.
After everyone was in bed mom told me more.
Well, who died she was your cousin. She fell in and- I'll tell you more tomorrow.
But I want to hear it now!!!
I whined. I begged and begged and begged until she told me more.
All I have to say right now, is follow the fungus that glows bright green at night. Do not go out tonight. I'll let you go out tomorrow night, ok?
Ok. I promise.
Good. Now goodnight.
Goodnight.

I looked in the mirror before I went to bed. I hate my long, red hair. My amber eyes could be better too. Im taller than everyone else in my class, and Im only thirteen! Im also thinner than everyone. My skin is almost white. Its also really smooth. Im glad I have contacts because the people in my class that have glasses look like nerds. Wow. I think next year, I will be ready for class picture day.
Go to bed! I hear and hurry into bed.
Chapter 5
The following night mom came into my room.
Ok. Do you remember?
Remember what?
That-
Oh! You mean the bright green mushrooms. Yeah. I remember. But when tonight?
Midnight. That is when they glow the brightest.
Midnight!?
I said a little too loudly.
Shhh! She said sternly.
Right. Sorry. But where will the mushrooms lead me to?
You will be gone at least one day. Don't worry, you won't need any food.
But where do the mushrooms lead to?
You're going to keep asking me, aren't you?
Yep.
Ok, then. I need to give you directions anyway. Follow the mushrooms alongside the river and keep going until you come to the abandoned bridge.
Wait, but I didn't see any mushrooms when I was there by the river. Are they invisible or something?
You didn't see them because they are transparent. Anyway, as I was saying, do not go on it. Fireflies will try to take you over there. Do not go over there. On the other side of the river, there will be an abandoned mansion. It got burned down some years ago. Anyway, keep going on. You will find a whole graveyard. There will be an old hobo. Give him a piece of food. Otherwise known as the fungus. Collect as much as possible without getting rid of the path. When you give him the fungus, he will give you a piece of his beard. Take it and wave it around the fireflies. They will follow it. Lead them to the fungi. They hate the fungi because they are poisonous.
The fungi?
Yes.
Then...how does the hobo survive?
Um mom glances around nervously. I don't think he does.
Then why don't I just bring him regular food?
Because he would die either way.
Oh. Ok.
Anyway, lead the fireflies to the fungi and make them land on it. Then, poof! They will be gone. After the fireflies are gone, give them to the hobo. He will then give you-
Wait. The same hobo or a different one? And why would the hobo die if I gave him regular food?
The same one,
mom said impatiently. She ignored my second question. He will give you a lantern and a cloak. Take the cloak and drape it around you. The lantern will be lit, so turn it off. Then follow the fungi back to the bridge. I know I told you not to cross it, but you have to when you get there. Go to the burnt house. Get the one thing that's not burnt. She looked up at the clock. Its time for you to go.
Bye mom, love you.
Love you too. Be safe!
She called after me.
Ok, first find the glowing fungi.
After I found the bright green mushrooms and followed them for awhile, I came to the bridge.
All of a sudden fireflies came out of nowhere. No. I said. You are not going to lead me over there. Then one of them bit me. Ow!
After that I considered them a threat. And I ran. When I finally stopped, there were no mushrooms to be seen. Not even regular ones. I saw a light. It was just beyond my sight to see what it was. What if it was one of those nasty fireflies again? Well, I had to take a chance. I ran toward it. It was an. wait, what? It was an eye? A red eye.
Chapter 6
I was trying to run away and I was well past the point of exhausted. I needed to stop. But where? I was looking around to see where I could go, when I saw a house. It had a light on. I ran toward it as fast as I could. I burst open the door. Then I slammed it shut.
It was five minutes later when I finally looked at my surroundings.
Well hello, creaked a raspy old voice.
I looked around. There was nothing to be seen.
It must be my imagination.
But it wasnt, thats for sure.
Chapter 7
When I finally found the trail again, I was super nervous. After all I had gone through through in the last couple of hours, who wouldnt be? Anyway, I found the trail of glowing mushrooms and followed it again. I'm not even sure I was going the right way. But I would have to take the chance. I couldnt help but fast walk.
Oomph!
How many times am I going to do that?!

What do you want, whispered an old voice.
Oh thank goodness, its just you. I sighed. I came here to give you some food, for exchange-
For a piece of my beard, I know. You are not the only one who has came and asked me for one.
Who else was here?
A girl about your age.
Really? Because I dont know of any other girl that is my age. Theyre all either older or younger.
She came one year ago exactly.

I pushed that thought out of my mind.
So, what do you want for a piece of your beard?
There was a moment of silence. A long moment.
Um are you still here? I whispered.
Yes, but hurry and take this. I will not be here much longer.
He gave me a piece of his beard. I ran to the bridge with the fireflies.
Here fireflies, here fireflies! I called as long as possible.
Theyre fireflies, not cats, whispered a voice. I ignored it.
Come here fireflies!
I saw one tiny light. I stepped toward it. Here fireflies, here fireflies.
Suddenly a whole bunch of fireflies came out. I ran toward the mushrooms. They followed me. When they landed on the fungi, their lights went out. I cant remember if mom said only one firefly or all of them. I brought them all, just in case.
Here, take these, I whispered to the hobo. I looked around. I saw a lantern that glowed almost as bright as the light of mid-day. Beside it there was a cloak. I draped it around my shoulders, as told. I also turned off the lantern.
Chapter 8
When I arrived at the bridge, I stepped as carefully as possible. When I had reached the other side, I realized what mom meant about the house being burnt. I could smell- wait. How could I smell the smoke if this house was burnt down years ago the ashes were surprisingly fresh still, too. I stepped into the debri.
I found something that wasnt burnt, though. I stepped forward. The closer I got, the more crazy this seemed. I picked the item up. It was a doll. A doll with those creepy eyes that follow you. I shuddered.
Dont touch that. It was the creepy voice again. Did you hear me? I said, DONT TOUCH THAT!!
Everything blacked out.
Chapter 9
When I woke up, it was broad daylight. There was camera people with everything but their kitchen sinks.
How did you survive?
What was it like?
What did she look like?
What happened?
How did you end up here?
Why did you come here in the first place?
Do you know the legend?
Where did you first see her?
When did you first see her?
Where do you live?
Is your house close to here?

The only thing they didn't ask is: Are you ok?
GO AWAY!
I cringed. Who said that?
Now, to escape them completely, go forward and go in there. A ghostly white figure appeared and walked toward a body that was just standing there. Help me get back in and I will help you.
Edited By Sslover on 1/19/2018 at 7:23 PM.
Sslover
Level 61
The Kind-Hearted
Joined: 8/31/2016
Threads: 249
Posts: 74,416
Posted: 1/5/2018 at 2:04 PM Post #2
Chapter 10
Who are you?
Just help me already!
Ok, ok, but what am I supposed to do?
Punch me.
What!?
Do it.
Um how about.this?

I pushed her ever so gently into the body.
How do you feel?
Before I could finish, she was gone.
You promised you would help me, you double crosser! I yelled into the air. Ugh! I guess this is why you be careful in what you do. Wait, is that a house?
I ran mindlessly toward the house. Ahh! There were zombies everywhere. They had bulging eyes that stared at me. Their clothes were ripped and showed pale pasty skin. I ran blindly towards the door of the mansion. It was trouble just getting through the front door! Little did I know, though, that inside was even more dangerous than outside! There were traps everywhere.
Who's there?
When that voice rang out, I jumped.
Um, me?
Who's me?
Lizzy.
Well, its about time. Hi, I'm Cassie Rose. Cass for short.
I'm Jessie.
Dan.
Tom.
Ash.
Nice to meet you all. So why are you all here?
We got an invite. Didn't you?
Um no.
Then you must not be the right person.
No, I am.

Cassie had black hair, brown eyes. Jessie had brown hair and green eyes. Dan had golden blonde hair with blue eyes. Tom had light brown hair with hazel eyes. Ash had light ash brown hair and amethyst eyes.
So I wonder who the host is. Do any of you guys know?
No.
Not a clue.
Nope.
Nada.
No, sorry.
Ok. Well I'm pretty sure well meet him or her soon.
Greetings, amateurs. How is your evening?
called a voice coming from the wall.
Everyone was quiet for a long moment.
Fine, everyone said in unison.
Good, good. Now, is anyone ready for dinner?
Another long silence.
Um no, said Cassie.
Not yet, admitted Ash.
Maybe later, Dan chimed in.
Nah, Jessie murmured.
Ok then. Some games? Let's all just go into the living room. Everyone hesitated. NOW!
Everyone flinched. Everyone flinched but went one after another into the living room. Cassie was the only one to be brave and ask, Would you like us to sit in a circle, or what?
That was a mistake,
whispered Ash.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no! I want you to all go back into the dining room and sit down!
It seems that once the voice realized that it could control us like little robots (that haven't malfunctioned yet) it took advantage. We all did what it wanted us to do and exactly what it wanted us to do.
I hate that voice, Ash said a little bit too loud.
What did you say? The voice fumed.
Everything was silent. All of the sudden the room was empty-except for me. I looked around.
Im here, Ash whispered behind me. Just- just stay in front of me. I nodded.
Suddenly a million thoughts went to my head. What am I doing here? Mom never said anything about a creepy old house. Why is Ash being so nice? Why are the others being so mean? Where did the voice go? Why are there so many paintings? Are there any others in this house besides the ones I met? How big is this house? Is it a mansion? Why were there so many zombies? Are there any other monsters? Are there any monsters in the house? Maybe I should just call it a mansion. What's the deal with Ash and the others? Am I the right person since I didn't get an invite? What did the invite say? Who or what controlled the voice? Why was the voice so mean? I thought mom said that the hobo wouldn't survive. He did, right? Why are the mushrooms poisonous to only fireflies? If theyre poisonous to humans why didn't the hobo die? Wait, what happened to the doll? Where did I put it? Did I give it to the hobo? Why did the doll look so mean? Why were the ashes and the smoke so fresh if the house burnt down some years ago? Who died there, at the river? How deep is the river? Why am I thinking now instead of just a couple minutes ago? Why did mom keep-
Are you ok, asked Ash.
Yes, I replied.
Ok just wondering. You had a far off look and you were muttering to yourself.
Really?
Yeah.
Who is still here? I can tell someone is still here. I can hear you.
The voice boomed.
Cmon, we gotta get out of here, Ash almost screamed.
I didn't argue. We went up a very long staircase and up an elevator.
Why didn't we just take the elevator first, I questioned.
Because there was no elevator.
Ok. How big is this house? Is it a mansion? Do you know who the host is? Do you know if-
Hold on! Let me answer your first three questions before you go on and on and on. Ok. This house is huge and yes, its a mansion. No, I don't know who the host is. Oh, and one question at a time now please.
Ok, do you know if the others went out side?
No.
Do you know where the others are now?
No.
Are you going to answer no to all my questions?
No.

Then we both burst out laughing. Then we were silent. We could hear the soft ding, ding, ding, of the elevator going up floors. I looked up at the screen where it says what floor youre on.
It said that were on the fifteenth floor. I began thinking again. Why did mom keep it a secret? Why did the others abandon us? Why is Ash the only one whos nice to me?
Then we heard a blood curdling scream.
That was Cassie! Ash screamed with her eyes wide open.
She pushed the button that said floor twenty and the elevator stopped immediately. The door opened sooooo slowwwly. When it finally opened we rushed out to see Tom laying on the floor taking shallow breaths.
Tom! What happened? Where are the others? Who did this? Why why why why why?
Trap-hit-him-with-weird-weapon-and-hes-dying-now-help-the-others-are-gone-why?-where-did-you-come-from?
Dan panted.
Does he always talk like that, I asked Ash.
No. Dan, calm down, we just need to find the others. Ash said soothingly.
No-cant-got-really-important-thing-to-do-find-others-fast-so-Tom-doesnt-die-and-dont-forget-the-voice. After Dan was done with his run on sentence, he was gone. We got into the elevator and Ash pressed the button that said emergency button- use only in emergencies and you will go really fast and then she pressed floor-wait. It was a blank button.
Whats that button for?
To go-

The elevator jerked down and we were going so fast that we almost didnt, and couldn't, touch the floor of the elevator. The elevator suddenly jerked to a stop and the doors rushed open really fast. We sprang out, and we saw a book.
Read it, Ash implied.
I opened the book. I steadied it so I could see in the elevator light. We didn't have a flashlight or anything. I cleared my throat. Whoevers reading this, BE CAREFUL! There is a monster lurking about and will take you down. I know because a cousin of mine got a case of fear of the dark and said there is a monster. Don't make me go to bed! Leave the lights on all over the house! And he was right. My brother had the same symptoms,so be careful. Oh and by the time youre reading this, Im probably dead. Here's a warning, DONT GO ANY FARTHER! YOU WILL DIE! Thats where it ends, and I dont like this place. Cmon. Lets just get back into the elevator and forget this ever happened.
Ash didnt respond. She had her eyes wide open and I looked behind me. Eyes! Red. Eyes. In. The. Basement.
We. Are. Doomed. I whispered.
It had red eyes. Only red eyes. We ran. We got lost. We almost died.
Chapter 11
Im surprised we survived that thing, I whispered.
We were back in the elevator, safe. But little did we know that we were going to be in even more trouble than facing that red eyed shadow monster thing.
Im never going to use the elevator again, Ash said. Her eyes were still wide and she was stiff. I don't blame her. I wouldnt either-if we didn't have to.
Its fine. We won't have to go back there.
That was a lie.
Edited By Sslover on 3/2/2018 at 12:54 PM.
Sslover
Level 61
The Kind-Hearted
Joined: 8/31/2016
Threads: 249
Posts: 74,416
Posted: 1/5/2018 at 2:05 PM Post #3
Chapter 12
When we got back there, we got backup. All the backup. Almost. We had lost Tom, and if anyone else was going to die, it wasnt going to be by this monster. I hope.
So where is this monster, teased Jessie.
Its here, trust me, Ash and I said in unison.
Just-be careful, ok everyone? I whispered. And be quiet.
Im done. Said Dan.
Me too, whispered Jessie and Cassie.
Don't leave me,Ash hissed.
I won't.
Creak.
What was that? We both said in unison.
A shadow flashed before my eyes.
Come on I hoarsely whispered.
We had grabbed a flashlight and some other things before we went down here again.
Turn off the flashlight! Ash screamed. I wasn't hesitant about doing that.
Start tip-toeing, I said so quiet that I'm not sure if she heard me.
I guess she did because she started tip-toeing. We leaned against the wall when we started crawling.
Ahhhhh!
We fell into a side vent and hit the ground hard. The vents led up, though. Even though we couldn't see it, we knew it was in here with us. We could feel it. We felt our way up to where the vents got so thin that nothing could go through. We felt along the sides so we could get out.
I found one! I whispered intensely.
Good. Now come on.
We pushed through and we turned on the flashlight.
Then there were red eyes. It was right in front of my face. The eyes were bright red and the body had long, black arms and legs and it was a shadow. It was a shadow monster. It was the shadow monster. I passed out.
Chapter 13
Hello? Hello? Hey, are you ok? Hey, what happened? I recognized the voice as Ashs voice.
I groaned. Then a whole burst of voices that I didn't recognize.
She's the only one that has survived!
What's your name?
Wow. She's brave.
Yeah, I mean to go into the basement, that's even worse than going into a haunted house!
I wonder what it looked-
Where's Ash, I begged.
Long silence.
Get her for me, please, I whispered.
Another long silence.
Lizzy?
Finally. It was Ash.
Ash I'm sorry..for everything the monster got me. I'm sorry. I coughed.
Lizzy! Lizzy it's fine. We have to go back there though, only after you're healed up, ok?
I could only nod my head.
Here. I'll help you up.
Thanks, I replied.
Yeah.
Once I was healed, we went back down to the basement. Yikes.
So, Ash, tell me what happened.
Well, long story short, I was behind you and your flashlight flickered out and it was just shadows all around and then boom. You were out. Ash replied.
Really?
Yeah. The monster wasn't anywhere in my sight, but then again, I was behind you. Do you want me to get in front of you this time?
Yes. Yes, yes, yes, please.
Ok. Hand me the flashlight.
I handed it to her and she ran. I tried to keep up, but it was hard.
Keep your eyes covered! Ash breathed.
I covered my eyes. I could feel it right behind us.
Its following us! I cautioned.
I know!
What are we going to do? I fretted.
Just- I don't know, Ash gulped.
Wait! I found something- I think it's another book! I observed.
Don't read it now! Come to the vents again!
Coming!
Chapter 14
When we got back up to the surface, I read. It says, Dear readers, it's me again. I haven't died...yet. If you have experienced the monster and survived, you are lucky. My dad wasn't. He was going down to get some tools and came across the monster. We found him right outside the elevator. The monster is awful. I haven't seen him, but I've heard legends about him. His name is Emberling. He's just a baby. Right now, it's 2000. If it's 2020, he's still just a baby. They grow every twenty years. There is no way to destroy him. I've heard that he has red, deep red eyes and looks just like a shadow. He- that's where the passage ends.
What!? Ash shrieked.
It ends right there.
Let me see that book!
She took it and scanned over it. Noooo! She fell to the floor on her knees. Why me? Why me? There has to be another book! Do you think? She got up and brushed the dust off of her jeans.
Um I don't think so. I'm going to go find the others first. See ya. I teased.
I'm coming. She said flatly.
Chapter 15
We found the others, but the door was broken. Not any door, but the front one. Remember the zombies? Well, they're going to get in, and we need to defeat the monsters. Here's the list we, as a group, need to do:
Not get eaten
Defeat the Emberling
Make sure the zombies don't get in
Make sure no one else dies from traps
Find out who the voice is and
Make sure no one else is in the house with us.
Turns out, we were in the living room. You remember when never mind. But the voice found us. Let's just say I got tired of it and I took down a painting and found a passage way. The only bad part was it went straight down. We also decided that if there was one, there had to be another. Then, out of the blue, a thought popped into my head. What about mom?
Now, I had a new thing to add to my personal list:
Get home.
We heard a rumbling sound. We all got ready to run. Sorry. I'm getting hungry, Jessie admitted.
Good, you finally got hungry. Want to eat now? I have a feast prepared. With everything that you like. The voice advised.
Yes! Jessie almost screamed.
No! Everyone else screamed.
Fine. But I'm hungry and just going to sit down and grab something to eat. Im starving. Jessie snapped.
We are going with you. Dan asserted.
No, we aren't just going. We have to go in there, sit down, and talk. We need to talk about it over our little picnic. Cassie bickered.
Why did you say that? Ash asked.
You never know who's listening, Cassie cautioned.
We all nodded our head and went into the living room. CRASH!
What was that? We said in unison.
The zombies! We heard from another room. There's other people in this house, with us! We all carefully stalked into the room and spied around the corner. It was a robot? No, not robot, a human
Sslover
Level 61
The Kind-Hearted
Joined: 8/31/2016
Threads: 249
Posts: 74,416
Posted: 1/5/2018 at 2:06 PM Post #4
Chapter 16
Who's there? The person asked.
Should we scare her? Cassie asked.
No. We all hissed.
Ok, ok. Cassie snapped back.
Its just other human beings! Ash called.
How do I know its safe to trust you! She called back.
We have been through alot lately. We wouldn't mind having another human along for the ride, I answered.
Come out! She challenged.
We approached her. We are human beings, I promise, I said.
Oh, you are. Sorry. Ive been through so much lately, too. My name is- wait. This is how I got trapped here in the first place! She yelled. We heard lots and lots of groaning.
The zombies! She yelled for the second time.
Come into the elevator with us, Ash invited.
Ok. Even though she said yes, she eyed us warily.
In the elevator we told her our names.
Im Lizzy. This is Dan, Ash, Jessie, and Cassie. I pointed to all of them.
Hi. Dan addressed.
Nice to meet you. Ash greeted.
Im hungry! Jessie whined.
Hey. Cassie nodded.
Ok. I think that I can trust you but not positive yet. Well, anyway, my name is Harper. Do you guys mind explaining anything to me?
Yes. I mean no. I mean we would like to. Dan stammered.
Ill explain, I whispered. There is this voice, zombies, the Emberling, and so much more. Ill start from the beginning. There was zombies, and there was a house. I ran to the house. Then I met them. I pointed to my friends. Then, there was a freaky voice. One coming through the wall. I found a passage and we were going to look for more, but Jessie here ruined our plans by being hungry. I glared at her. Anyway, we were going to the dining table, but then the zombies crashed the door down and, I took a deep breath. And-then-we-heard-your-voice-but-before-that-we-went-to-the-basement-and-the-Emberling-got-me-and-we-came-up-here-and-we-read-the-book-that-I-found-and-read-it-and-before-that-we, I took another breath. We-well-I-found-a-different-book-and-it-said-beware-I-should-show-it-to-you-but-Tom-died-and-not-all-of-this-is-in-chronological-order. I panted.
Harper's eyes were wide. What?
I sighed and took a deep breath.
No, I heard you the first time. Its just you found the the Emberling?
Yes. Ash said solemnly.
This is bad, Harper said so gravely that no one said anything. The Emberling...Its its- She couldn't finish. She couldn't for now anyway.
Can you give us any information about the Emberling without cutting off? Dan asked.
Yes. The Emberling is the most dangerous creature on earth. It might of been the one to kill...Tom was it?
Yes, but it was a trap, not whatever the Emberling does.
Ok. Well. The Emberling-once it grows, it cant be defeated. I don't think it can-even when its a baby.
Well then, what happened to all the other Emberlings? Dan exploded.
They never existed.
Well then how did this one get here? Dan fumed.
When a room doesn't have light in it for too long, the shadows will gather in a corner of the room and will grow eyes. It can be destroyed if the light turned on before it grows legs and arms. When it grows legs, it goes from one unused room to another and gathers all the shadows and when all the shadows of all the unused rooms are gone, it goes rabid and its eyes go red, dark dark red. Then, it will grow arms and it will move to a dark room, looking for things to take. For example, shadows, or people's soul. Or even possibly a persons light so they can murder without being seen. The symptoms of either having one in your room or knowing its coming for you, the lights flicker. You are scared of the dark. You get sick. You don't want to go to sleep, and you never want to be in a room without a working light. Harper inquired.
How do you know? Ash asked.
Because, when I was young, I wrote nine books about it.
Like this one? I pulled both the books out from my pocket, because they were very small books.
That's two of them! Wait, are they the first two? They aren't! But, we can't go down there. In the basement, I mean. Harper freaked.
Ding! The elevator opened. No one had touched a button. Had the zombies pressed the button?
Ding! The doors closed. A few zombies got in, but it's not like they were trouble. We took em out with just a couple of swings. Ding! Top floor. Good.
Follow me. I wonder if she's still there. Harper whispered.
Who? We all asked. She didn't respond. She led us down a long hallway with about a hundred doors. Literally. When we reached a curve in the hall, she rapped the wall with her knuckles. Dust came flying out. A door opened.
Come along, Harper whispered.
The door shut right behind us. To our surprise it wasn't musty or anything. Not scary at all. But, then again, in the movies, when everything gets better, it goes worse.
My thoughts were interrupted by Harper.
Look! There's the door that nevermind. Harper said.
She opened the door.
A skeleton fell to the floor. We were all silent.
My cousin.. Harper trailed off.
We looked around the room. Many skeletons.
Who are all of them? Dan asked.
My family. Harper breathed.
Another long silence. Then a rumble.
Im still hungry here, Jessie whined.
Chapter 17
Dinner wasnt all that great, though.
Finally! Food! Jessie said.
We all sat down.
Im not hungry, Dan noted.
Sit down! The voice ordered.
No. Dan challenged.
Ok. The voice said, but more gentle.
Click! It sounded like a button. Suddenly Dan was gone.
Dan! We all cried out in unison.
We all got up and rushed to where Dan used to be.
What happened? Where did he go? Ash commented.
Probably down to the basement. The voice pointed out.
You sent him down there?! I yelled. Page 14
Yep. The voice sounded oddly calm, like that happens all the time.
No one sit down, I hissed.
But- Jessie started.
Just grab the food, it's not like you need to sit down! Ash shot.
Ok, ok. But what if the food is poisoned? Jessie asked.
Then dont eat! I snarled.
After our little talk, we decided to go down to the basement. I mean, what if Dan was alive? Would the voice be cruel enough to send Dan down here alive?
We need to be careful. Harper said. Ash and I jumped. We forgot that Harper was still with us.
Right. Where would the voice send Dan, if she even sent him down here? Ash stated.
At the end, so we would get Emberling-afied. I pointed out.
Right, so we need to make it-
Ding!
I stepped out cautiously. I then started running.
Growl. Then there was a hiss. I gulped. If the Emberling couldnt hear me coming, Im pretty sure that he could now. I turned off my flashlight and covered my eyes. I started to crawl towards the vents that we broke.
Chapter 18
Now that I was at the end of the vents, I was frozen. A big sign said,
Dead end.
I was also alone. Once I started running, Ash and Harper chickened out. When I started backing up, I fell. I fell into the room Dan was in. Turns out, the monster beat me to him. He didn't make it. Harper and Ash didn't chicken out, they made it. Surprise. Actually, once I looked closer, I noticed that they were skeletons still in clothing. I shivered.
GROWL! HISS!
This time, it seemed to be in the room with me. I covered my eyes and since the light was on in this room, I went to the darkest corner.
As soon as I was positive it was gone, I stood up and went to the only door. I was at the beginning. Turns out, the way the elevator went, was the end. I thought,
Dang it! Now I have to go through this monster filled, creepy, weird, and haunted basement!
Um.. hello? A voice asked.
Who is it? I hissed.
Lizzy? Its me, Cassie. Cassie whispered.
Where are you? I asked.
No answer. I think the monster might of got her right before my eyes and I didnt see it.
I started walking and turned my flashlight on. It was a big risk to take. Turns out, an even bigger one than I expected. When I said monster filled basement, I meant only one monster. Not hundreds. The Emberling was the smallest of my problems now. When I got to the elevator, there was no button to bring it down here. Now I was stuck in this basement for who knows how long, with lots of monsters, with no way out wait. The vents! I climbed and climbed and climbed, up and up and up, but I was still in the basement. I couldnt take it any longer. I screamed.
Sslover
Level 61
The Kind-Hearted
Joined: 8/31/2016
Threads: 249
Posts: 74,416
Posted: 1/9/2018 at 5:50 PM Post #5
Chapter 19
Everything was silent for a moment. Then I heard the growling of monsters. I quickly put the vents that weren't in their places back. Then I frantically climbed until I was well past exhaustion. Then I took a rest. Panting, I flashed my light around me. I was in a room. The lights weren't on or off strange.
(Changing to 1st person)
(Journal Entry from Cassie Rose)
Ever since the voice has found us, it's been my duty to remove it, and I shall even kill to get this voice removed. The company, TEONK, want me to have it removed, soon.
(Journal Entry from Harper)

The voice has me caged, and its zombies are out to get someone in this group of friends . The bad part is, if the voice is out to get one of them, it might kill to get that one person. Or two people. Maybe the whole group! But the chances of that happening are slim to none. Hopefully.
(Journal Entry from Jessie)
Why am I the only one who gets blamed? Just because I always try to go to the table, does NOT mean that I'm trying to lead them to the food that might be poisoned. How am I supposed to know if the food is poisoned or not!? All I know is wait. I'm hungry.
(Journal Entry from Dan {before his death})
I didn't know that we were supposed to have an invitation to come here. Now when someone finds out that I didn't get an invitation, I don't want to even think of the possibilities! And I have a really bad feeling that someone in this group is the murderer. And I don't just feel it, but I know Who it is.
(Journal Entry from Tom[before he died])
I suspect that someone is the voice, not just any random person, though. I suspect that the voice is Lizzy since I could tell she didn't have an invitation. Also, it could've been Harper, since the voice stopped as soon as we saw her. Very, very suspicious.
(Journal Entry from Ash)
Harper, Lizzy, and Jessie, are suspects. It can't be Tom or Dan, theyre dead. So I guess earning Lizzys trust is just a way of getting her to talk.
Moral: you never know if a freak show is sitting next to you. Or in this case, a murderer.
(Journal Entry from Lizzy)
Now is the best time to panic. Two people have died, and who's next!? I am so paranoid right now. I'm not sure if I can even trust Ash.Jessie can't be trusted, for sure. Cassie, well, she is a suspect as well. SO PARANOID!!!
Chapter 20
Lizzys mom wasn't worried about Lizzy until she was gone for a week.
Where is Lizzy?! Her mom had glazed eyes.
Um All of Lizzys siblings and her father became very worried.
Lizzy's mom went to her bed and grabbed a pen and started writing.
(Journal Entry from Lizzy's Mom)
6/24/1923 12:00
Lizzy still hasn't returned from the adventure. It has now been a week. Exactly a week. It was a simple task: get the doll, come back. How hard can it be?!
She thought for a bit.
Did she even get the doll? Why did I have to lie to her? I can't believe I did. Has she run off? Did she remember my instructions? I need that voodoo doll! Especially for the extra ordinary necessary killers.
Back at the mansion Lizzy was not enjoying anything. She knew that now she couldn't trust anyone except Harper. Harper knew that someone trusted her, but she didn't know who.
(Journal Entry from the Killer)
My next victim is Cassie Rose. I will X out her picture. The Emberling will bring me one of the three that are left. Now, as the host, I shall get a mask for me to wear so no one will be able to tell who I am. My trusty cat, Marley, will make sure of that.
Chapter 20
Part 2
Ash
Harper seems to be nervous.
Harper, what's wrong? I ask.
Nothing, she replies quickly. She has shifty eyes and she won't look anyone in the face except Lizzy. Very suspicious. I BET THEY ARE BOTH IN ON THE SCARING!!!!! Ugh. I can't believe Lizzy! I thought she was my friend. I guess no figuring out this one. Maybe she was just pretending. That ungrateful person! Why would Lizzy want to kill Tom & Dan? And why in the world would Harper do it? Lizzy seemed so innocent.
Cassie looks guilty, and Jessie seems that she's also in on it. Why though?
Ash, do you know who the murder is? Lizzy asked.
No. I'm sorry, but I don't. I replied.
Ok. she replied. She eyed me warily. Then she whispered something in Harpers ear. She nodded.
I pulled Lizzy aside.
Well be with you in a minute. I said.
Ok. Harper acknowledged.
As soon as they were out of earshot, I raged.
How could you Lizzy. I thought we were friends! What happened?!
Look, she argued. It wasn't my fault that-
The stairs suddenly collapsed. We were trapped.
Sslover
Level 61
The Kind-Hearted
Joined: 8/31/2016
Threads: 249
Posts: 74,416
Posted: 1/9/2018 at 5:51 PM Post #6
Chapter 20
Part 2
Lizzy
The others were acting strange. They're all paranoid, like me. Even Harper has gone crazy! Why is it always me that has the cool head!? Ok. That's not entirely true, but most of the time it is! Right now, I'm so FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW!!!!!!! Wow. This is-wait. Are these no. They can't be. Theyre journals!! What do they say
After I had read the entries, they shocked me into silence.
You-you wrote this? I asked Ash.
Let me see. I handed her the book. Yes, I did write this, and I don't understand how it got here. I wasn't carrying it.
What about all of these? Especially this one. I showed her the killer entry. She widened her eyes. We have to save Cassie!
Long story short, we saved Cassie and we found the killer. Turns out Cassie was the killer. The zombies, well, they're still roaming around, where the Emberling and the zombies play. And, I didn't make it out with everybody. All of them died in gruesome ways. As for the Emberling, well, its still down in the basement. I walked out like nothing had happened. It was still dark and gloomy outside, but at least there were no zombies out here. It was like sunshine and lollipops, but it wasn't really.
Crunch!
What was that? I whipped around. Nothing. Please say that the Emberling hadn't come out here. Please say that. I had just barely escaped from the house, well mansion, and now more trouble! Maybe. It might have just been a cute bunny rabbit running from bush to bush. Yeah right, a voice inside me said.
Stop it. You're acting like a baby. I said to myself. Even though there are probably werewolves out here for all I know. And vampires, giant worms, and who knows what else is out here!?
I shivered and ran.
I fell. Again.
Really? I yelled to the air.
Wait. The doll. Where is it? Don't tell me I left it back at the house. That would be the most annoying thing ever.
Snap!
Hello? I whispered. No answer. I tried again. Hello? I yelled. Is anyone there?
Snaaarrrlll.
I ran. As fast as I could. There was a cabin that I hadn't seen on my way here. Well, actually, that might not be true. I must of stayed inside of the mansion for many moons. Who knows? Not me, obviously.
I ran faster and faster until I couldn't run anymore. I could hear the sound of someone, something, running after me. I couldn't help but turn around and give up. I just sat there, waiting, while the thing just kept getting closer, closer, closer, then BAM!!!
I ran harder, after all, I bet the thing would be idling until it recovered from running into a tree.
When I saw glowing mushrooms, I sighed a little bit too loud.
Whos there?
I spun around looking to see if anyone was there. Guess what I saw. Guess. IM NOT GOING ON UNTIL YOU GUESS!!!!.........................................have you guessed yet?..........................Ill just keep waiting until you guess!...........................................................ok. Im getting bored. I saw. I saw a board. That was it. Just a lonely board. I walked and walked around it, but there wasnt anything there.
I said, whos there!? If I was a cat, wouldve jumped so high in the air like a dog just bit me. Instead, I flinched and crouched. Even though it was a lone plank, it was HUGE! I couldn't hear footsteps, yet I knew that someone was coming near. I knew that soon someone would be watching me, and I wanted to look up, but I was scared that someone would be looking at me from above. I looked up anyway. I didn't see anything, but I had lost the trail of glowing mushrooms. And anyway, if I went to the trail, how would I know which way to go!? Then, all of the sudden, I lifted my head. I could smell something. It. it smelled like pancakes, all warm and ready to eat. I wasnt sure which direction it was coming from, but I hungry because, if you cared, you would remember that I was stuck in the mansion for who knows how long with nothing to eat but rotten flesh. There was water there, but it wasnt very clean. So I went deeper and deeper into the woods without even knowing it. The smell got stronger, and, as I suspected, there was a house with a chimney. It just sat there, windows covered with blinds and looked an awful lot like our house. One of the blinds werent down all the way. I peeked in. All the lights were off and I couldn't see anything. I guessed that the door was locked, but it wasnt.
I turned the knob slowly.
Crrrrrrreeeaaakkkk.
I looked inside, and there was a lightswitch right there. I turned it on. I waited. I didnt know what I was waiting for, though. A trap, maybe. The smell of pancakes disappeared as soon as I opened the door. The smell of rotting corpses met my nose and I reeled back.
I heard a low rumble like a growl. Oh no. I didn't know what else to do, ok!? Dont judge when I they'll you this:
I ran past the door and slammed it behind me. I was going crazy! I had to sit down or else I was going to get really dizzy and vomit.
Scratch scratch SCRATCH!!!
It's all in my head it's all in my head it's all in my head, I kept telling myself. While I was giving myself a pep talk, the scratching got louder and louder until I couldn't hear myself think. Then, suddenly, it stopped. I knew something bad was going to happen. Nothing happened. I waited and waited. (SO MUCH SUSPENSE!!!!!!!!!) Again, I waited and again nothing happened. I sighed and stood. Then, I walked out the door. Why did my imagination have to be so overactive? Ugh.
AHHHH!
Who was that?! Was someone STALKING me?! How dare they!
Then I realized I screamed. I caught a glimpse of a skull. I shuddered.
You will die. I will bring you to the courts. I will show you to the Queen. Whispered a voice behind me. I whirled around. He was tall, his skin was black, he had dark gray eyes. Whoa whoa whoa, ice-boy. I don't think so. My eyes widened as I looked behind him. There was another boy with green eyes and red hair and chains around his arms. He looked vaguely familiar; then it all came back to me.
Robbie?! I yelled.
How DARE you!? I punched him as hard as I could and then hugged him.
Where have you been?!
Lets just say around, princess. He called me princess and I hated it.
Don't call me that or else I will punch you in the stomach.
He raised his hands up in innocence. Then he put a smirk on.
Well, princess, we kind of have a situation here. He gestured to the stranger behind me.
Oh, yeah. And I will punch you later.
A sword almost cut me in half if that prankster Robbie hadnt blocked the blow with his two, gleaming, daggers. I ran to the side as they engaged in battle. The black strangers sword emitted a light blue glow. Sparks flew everywhere as the sword and daggers made contact.
Princess! Get out of here! NOW! He shouted.
I hesitated.
NOW!
I ran. Before I got out of the room, the stranger grabbed me. I fought with all my might.
Your Robbie is dead. He whispered.
You wish, ice-boy. Robbie had a smirk on his face.
Carter, go away. The stranger said.
Please. You know that thats not going to work. It never does. His smirk got even wider.
WhosCarter? Whos this stranger? Where am I? Why cant I go home? Why-
Look, princess. Let me answer one question at a time. ImCarter. The ice-boys name is Ashallyndarkmurk Falcon. People call him Ash. You cant go home because the whole of Faery needs you.
Whats.. Faery? I asked.
You wont believe me so let's just say a place, princess. Carter said.
Carter. Get. Out. Of. Here. Now. Ash said in a dangerously soft voice.
Why ice-boy? Don't you like me coming along for the ride? He asked innocently.
Ash glared him down.
Carter threw his hands up. Fine ice-boy, but don't expect anything from her. She's as stubborn as can be.
Hey! I yelled.
Princess, look, I gotta go before ice-boy here gets any ideas. He glared at Ash. Then he blipped out of the room. I don't mean disappeared or anything like that, he just blipped.
I freed myself from Ashs grasp and ran and ran and ran. Stopping for a break, I realized the name Ash was familiar, but my friend Ash was a girl. Not a boy.
Princess? Pucks disembodied voice came from behind me.
Carter? Where are you? I yelled, half of anger and half of relief.
Right here, princess. He said. I don't know how you escaped ice-boy, but you did.
Why? I asked simply.
Well, hes not the kind that just lets his prisoners go. You have to fight or die trying to. Carter replied.
Why did he have you chained up? I asked.
Um he looked around, as if trying to escape the question. He doesn't like me. He said.
I knew he was lying. But I went with it.
So, where is Ash from? I asked.
I like the term ice-boy better than Ash. He smirked.
Well I never noticed. I said sarcastically.
Crunch.
It's following me come on come on! We have to get out of here! I yelled frantically.
It's fine, princess. He said. I punched him in the stomach. Twice. Im surprised he didn't vomit.
I told you I would punch you. I'm not helpless,Carter! I stormed away and pouted against a tree.
Well, come on. He sighed. Let's get going.
Where ya goin,Carter?
Carter whirled around. Well, well, well. If it isn't ice-boy. Oh and for your information, it's none of your business where were going. Cmon princess.
Don't call me princess. I muttered. I followed him. Where are we going, anyway?
I would tell you, except we have company, right ice-boy?
No answer.
Please. He's just stalking us, princess.
Well, at least you used the right words. Ash murmured.
Come on! I have to get out of these woods, with or without you! I interrupted. I started walking faster and faster until:
You won't be able to get out of the woods without my help. Ash added.
If youre coming, hurry up. I won't wait any longer. I kept walking. He sprinted to where I was. Carter stood in front of me, strangely protective.
Get out of the way,Carter.
All three of us were surprised that the words came from my mouth.
Princess, if you knew what was good for you, he said gravely, then you wouldn't trust this guy. He betrayed his own people.
Ash glared at him. It doesn't matter what happened. That was then and this is now. He turned to me. If you want to get home, follow me. If you want to stay in the Faery world forever, go with Carter. He said the last word as if it were sour.
Princess. I can't help you with this one. Choose. Me, he gave me a pleading look, or him.
Thoughts whirled in my head. If I go with Ash, I could go home. If I go withCarter, well,I don't know. If I go with Ash, I might never have a chance to see Carter at school again. If I go with Carter, I could avoid school. My thoughts were interrupted by Ash. We don't have much time, he said. You need to choose now.
I started walking away from them. She chose to go with me, Goodfellow. Ash smirked, rubbing it in Carters face.
Sure, just keep putting salt in the wound why don't you? Carter muttered.
Don't worry, I will.
Are you coming?! I am tired of you guys throwing insults sat each other! I accused.
Both of them joined me.
Not unusual. They were so competitive, I just met Ash and I can already tell. Then it hit me:
How did you know that Carters name was Carter? I asked.
Princess, I met ice-boy when I went to Faery.
Ash? Is it true? Did you really meet Carter for the first time when you captured him? I urged.
Carter glared at Ash. Ash sighed. No, we met in the wyldwood.
What's the wyldwood?
It's a place where-
Where crazy things roam. Ash interrupted Carter.
Sslover
Level 61
The Kind-Hearted
Joined: 8/31/2016
Threads: 249
Posts: 74,416
Posted: 1/9/2018 at 5:55 PM Post #7
Could you please move this to Other Fiction? This story has nothing to do with Sylestia. Sorry!!!
Krinadon
Level 75
Shadow of the Moon
Site Administrator
Joined: 12/17/2012
Threads: 1,119
Posts: 14,684
Posted: 1/10/2018 at 1:52 AM Post #8
This thread has been moved to: Other Fiction.
Sslover
Level 61
The Kind-Hearted
Joined: 8/31/2016
Threads: 249
Posts: 74,416
Posted: 1/10/2018 at 7:55 AM Post #9
Thank you!
Navisparkles101
Level 65
Candy Dispenser
Joined: 2/6/2016
Threads: 32
Posts: 876
Posted: 1/19/2018 at 7:10 PM Post #10


This story is kinda good so far. There are, however, things that I would like to point out.

1.) Where are your quotation marks? It's hard to tell who is speaking when there isn't any.
2.) You have good punctuation, that's a good thing.

This story has a good plot so far, though it would be nice to see some quotation marks. Space out the paragraphs so it's easier to read.

Also, I recommend getting Grammarly. It is compatible with Sylestia, and it helps with sentence structure, punctuation, and spelling.
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